Ds1 has a stalker! (Long- sorry)

[TheOneWithTheHair]

There is a girl in ds1's year. (Year 11). She has seemed completely obsessed with him for a long time. They were friends until about 2 years ago when another boy attacked ds1 for going out with this girl. He wasn't. The girl did her best to stir things up for ds1 until he sat with her one day and told her that although he liked her as a friend he didn't want to go out with her. The other boy bore a grudge for about a year though and assaulted him twice more.

Recently things had calmed down although the girl always showed up wherever ds went or rang and texted several times a day. Ds put up with this but didn't encourage her.

About 2 weeks ago ds got a girl friend. Since then the other girl has been spreading rumours about ds. Not nice things. Her brother has been making threatening phone calls to ds as well.

Ds is worried since the brother got involved. The girl comes from a not nice family. Her mum ran off with the loger and her dad is in prison for murder.

I have advised ds to write down every encounter and save all texts and fb posts. He has now gone to the extent of telling people he has moved to his dad's house in another town because he doesn't want them turning up at our door.

How else can I help him? He absolutely refuses to get the police involved. Has anyone else had experience of this kind of thing?

Can he either change his number if he is on PAYG, or ask the phone provider if they will block the number?

Funny you should say that. He's had three numbers in twelve months and she gets hold of it every time. Ds has no idea how.

My biggest hope at the moment is that they will all be doing different things next year and hopefully she will forget.

First, I would change his mobile number.
Keeping notes of everything is good.
I know he doesn't want the police involved but I would be tempted to call them and get it on record and ask their advice.

I have tried to get him to tell the police. He absolutely won't go. I don't know if they would take me seriously if I went on my own.

Also I don't want ds to think I went behind his back as he may stop telling me things.

This has come right in the middle of his GCSE exams. What great timing she has.

Honestly I feel like finding her and giving her a lashing ( verbally) but that also might make things worse.

TBH I think the option not to talk to the police ended when the brother started making threatening calls.

I think you'd be able to go by yourself. Can you explain to him that it will not result in the police visiting her but is just for advice and information? I can see why he wouldn't want to involve them.

He is still a child and it's pretty much your responsibility as a parent to provide the protection that he needs. He is scared and feeling vulnerable hence why he doesn't want to go to the police.

Keep recording incidents and change the phone number again, ask him not to give the number of the phone to ANYONE until after the tests have passed. Once the GCSEs are over get on the phone to the police (You don't want to increase the stress n your child by opening a can of worms just at exams time, if necessary, remove the phone).

And I'm advising waiting until the exams have passed as it is unlikely the police will be able to do anything before then anyway. So, a little bit of damage control for the sake of your DS.

Thanks both of you. Pedigree is right about the reasons he doesn't want to involve the police. He thinks it will make things worse. I will try to explain again tomorrow I think. He has his last exam tomorrow.

I think he has a bit of an ostrich mentality about it and just hopes it will go away. I would agree with him except for the fact that 2 years with no encouragement is a long time to be focused on one person. I don't think this girl will be easily put off.

As for him still being a child I totally agree especially when he comes out with the old gem. "I'm 16 now mum. You can't make me".

It's sentences like this rather than talking which prove that he is not yet mature enough to deal with it on his own. It's hard enough as an adult.

Oh and I have asked him for his phone until his exam is over at least. He made a fuss but not too much. I think it's probably a relief.

I'm sure it will help him not to have the phone. There would be less opportunities for him to get abuse.

Is he moving to another school next year? or is he going to be attending the same that the stalker attends? Your son is right that things will get worse, they will get worse before they get better so... if he is not going to see the girl anymore, it may be better to lie low and leave it for the time being (but keep the record, the police is unlikely to do anything if you don't have it).

If he is going to continue being in contact with this girl and her brother, things can turn out quite nasty.

He is going to college and he says he doesn't know where she is going. He is doing catering and I know she isn't. It's a huge college so if she's there she should be easy to avoid.

My hope is that it will all pass when she has a different environment next year.

TBH I just saw it as a bit of teenage hormones until she got her brother involved. He is older and more than capable of taking things further. Roll on September.

Just a quick update.

Ds saw the girl after his exam today. He says she apologised and said she jealous. She has apparently called her brother off too.

He also found out that she is going to a different college in September so if we can make it through the summer she will hopefully have other things to think about then.

I have told ds not to delete anything yet and to still write everything down.

Thank you both for your advice.

Fingers crossed this is the end of it.

Fantastic news, hopefully things will quiet down over the summer and are forgotten once they have moved schools. But make sure you continue with the record just in case.

Thanks Pedigree.