so, we finally met the boyfriend....

[ThatVikRinA22]

does this mean she is coming out of the other side of the whole "teen" thing where we are just totally embarrassing and must be kept at arms length at all costs....??

she is 14, nearly 15 and has been seeing this boy for the last 6 months, this is the first time she has let us meet him. normally she goes to his house. i didnt push it....and suddenly yesterday she announced that he was coming here for a change....

he is 15, and seemed very nice, very "wholesome" and very polite.

just not sure how much freedom to give them....i went out (only to walk the dog) and left them in the house together alone - i think thats fine for a while and i trust DD implicitly - but did get an eye opener when i walked in to the bedroom later to find them both snuggled up on the bed...(fully clothed and on top of the covers, he had his arms around her)
im trying hard to remember what its like at that age but i didnt really have boyfriends at her age....

i dont want to get heavy, and ive no idea really what goes on when she goes to his house, or what his mum thinks is ok - though dd is very mature and sensible and assures me she is not ready for any kind of physical relationship (phew!!)

it would have felt forced and awkward to have made them both stay downstairs the whole time, and i do trust her...

so. what now? do i just keep an eye on her and keep the lines of communication open for "that talk" when we need it? and just continue as we are do you think?

certainly dont want to frighten him off now she has actually allowed him to grace us with his presence!

Aw, that's great she's relaxed enough at 14.
I was 19 before I could bring myself to let my bf meet my parents!

She's already assured you she's not ready for a physical relationship (although that could be subject to change) I reckon that shows she is confident to come to you if/when she needs to.

yes i'm quite surprised that she allowed him to meet us as we are just so hideously embarrassing! ( or at least thats what you would think if you heard her!)

(we arent really!)

but i asked if we were gonna meet him when she first started seeing him and got told a resounding no so i backed off and left it....and just did the taxi runs to his house without moaning....

and it paid off it seems....
she is quite private but also an old head on young shoulders....she sees him once or twice a week, its not affected her school work or anything, and she is almost human again lately....
(she dumped the very first boyfriend after a month for being way to clingy!)

so i guess i just sit tight then and relax. and trust her.
not sure there is much more i can do other than keep asking if there is anything she wants to talk about...

I would be a bit more pro-active, I think. Although it's hard not to feel intrusive, I know. With my dd1 (16 now), I didn't wait for her to present me with the opportunity for any sort of talks: I made them happen, repeatedly . Films, tv storylines, stuff she said about her mates...it all becomes a chance to ram home the fact that she has dreams, things she wants to do, things she doesn't want to do, situations that would be a bit shit. Keep talking. And NEVER WALK THE DOG PAST THE END OF THE STREET

ha! thanks for that bof....sound advice indeed!

this is all a bit weird - i think i am more wierded out by it than she is....
its the whole eye rolling thing wherever i try and bring up s, e, x or relationships and all that stuff that she thinks i just have absolutely no business knowing about yet alone talking about....

she does seem a bit different lately though.....like she is coming out of the other side of the 'kevin and perry' stage....

Oh yes. definitely agree with LeBOFFY about little reminders of dreams she has for the future.
I met my DH at 17, was pregnant with my first at 20. I've never regretted starting my family but I do wish I had packed more of my own life in first.

thanks all - and snap goofus.......married at 19 and first child soon after, so i would love for her to have a bit more of a life first.

i will let her get this next round of exams over and speak to her again....
and ignore the eye rolling

I would say definitely do " at talk". My DD ( now nearly 17) got first bf last year. We got to meet him pretty soon largely because they are both away at school and he lives some distance from us, so to meet up he has to come and visit- so that opened up a whole can of worms about sleeping arrangements and rules etc

My DD sounds a lot like yours- old head, lots of plans etc and we have now met BF 6 or 7 times ( 3 of those were whole weekends) so we have got to know him well and he seems to be the same.

The initial chats I had with DD were a bit excruciating but I persevered and she has recently come to talk to me about things which I know she wouldn't have done a year ago.

I would be very blunt about what the rules are- say that you aren't trying to treat her like a toddler, but that you have responsibilties as her mum to make sure she is safe, its probably all unnecessary etc etc, but you just need to feel you have said it, its not that you don't trust her etc

Our rules are currently - they can be anywhere they like in the house, but I should be able to just knock and walk in to her room at any time. They must both be in own separate rooms by 11.30 ( so I can go to bed!). I have allowed her to take him in a cuppa in the morning and snuggle up on the bed- she did leave the door open ( she told me later "so you would know we weren't up to anything!").

They are very cuddly around the house although BF leaps apart from her like she is electric every time I walk into the room- I have pointed out to her that it is OK for them to be cuddled up on the sofa watching a film, but apparently BF thinks its "a bit disrespectful" to me!

It's a good thing she has told you that she is not ready for anything more physical yet. I told mine that when she felt the time was right we could talk about contraception etc- better that she feels that she can come and talk to you about these things than for her to be stuck in a bad situation.

I met DD1 Boyfriend at 15 they had been going out since they were 14 so a year and it was at her birthday party so he was there and not a formal meeting they fell out not long after I think its lovely she has introduced you to him

She probably knows you are looking for an opening to do The Talk. Leap in and do it anyway. And then keep doing it at regular intervals. DS thinks I am obsessed but I tell him it's my parental duty to do everything I can to keep him safe and fully informed.
He is 16 now and has had a couple of serious girlfriends. I trust him and they are lovely girls, but, temptation can get the better of most people and that is what I have tried to stress and it's not that I don't trust him.
They are allowed in his room to watch TV but the door is to remain wide open at all times.
I've done that walking in when they are snuggled up together thing. It's quite a strange feeling.

thanks guys, its a comfort actually knowing its not just me!

Ill make sure i get a chance to have another chat with her this weekend.

Reading this in anticipation - DD(nearly 13) has started with the "BF's" but it currently seems limited to school, texting/calls/FB and sometimes meeting up in the park in a group. I am wondering when it will jump to the next level - this thread is very reassuring!

My DD is 15 - we have been allowed only to meet BF very briefly as we'd apparently ask embarrasing questions such as what he'd like to study etc. She said I was not to give her the talk as she was not ready for sex and does extensive eye rolling if I try to. She said she wanted to wait until she was 18 although that has come down to 17 on the last attempted chat. I think they are almost always out in a group anyway so hopefully fingers crossed she is being sensible.