I am being a complete mug, but are many teenagers "up to it" on a casual basis?

[Parttimeslave]

Just had an eye opening conversation with some friends and they were discussing how some of their dcs are frequently having one-night stands at parties etc. Their dcs are around 17.

I decided to try and have the conversation with my ds2 (17) and only got blushes and awkward body language. I am 99% sure he is probably doing the same. He has a very active social life with lots of parties and no particular girlfriend. Apparantly, the girls can be more forward than the boys these days. I told him to be VERY careful if he is having casual sex and also to be respectful to his partners. I said he could chat to me about anything it if he wanted to, but he definitely didn't want to!

I am shocked tbh. Times seemed to have changed so much since my day. Is promiscuity this rife amongst teenagers? Anyway seen any evidence?

I too have a ds 17 who is very social and popular. I always give him the talk before he goes out, the one involving mind your drink, safe sex and don't do anything you might regret etc. Tbh I think he's still quite innocent in that respect, him and his gang prefer a session of football and a party involving just their gang afaik. I haven't actually asked him if he has done "it", I think he'd give me the look only a ds can give his Mother. I do know the girls in his circle do like a drink though, much more than the boys.

I was a teenager in the late 70s, pre-AIDS and the rest. There was a lot of sex going on in my neck of the woods, although I don't remember anyone under 16 being involved.
To expect him to be responsible in his relationships, always use barrier protection and watch out for drunken decisions is about all you can do really.

In my DD's social group of around a dozen, about half seem to be into a sexual relationship and only two change their partners on a weekly or daily basis.

TheSecondComing Thu 07-Jun-12 14:29:26
"To be homest i think it always was fairly popular"

Yes I don't think this is new.

What is new it the digitalisation of sex, ie taking photos/ videos of each other and posting them online etc. that worries me more than the actual sex.

I have 4 kids aged 15-20 and 8 thinkthey are pretty representative of their age group. Nd none of them are sleeping around. One has had three proper relationships, one has had two and the othe has had one ' love of her life' and a pne night stand where she lost her virginity and she really regrets that.

My ds1 (19) says that some of his male and female friends sleep around but they are looked down on for doing so.. Most don't. He has had a couple of one night stands with 'friends with benefits' but not random strangers, and generally he falls in LOVE and gets his heart broken after a few months!

The age 15-17 group seem to be the worst and then they settle down a bit from what i could see. Looking back at my own teen years I don't think it was that different .

My son, also 17, has had a couple of one night stands to my knowledge - so presumably more . His peers seem a mixed bunch when it comes to having sex, as far as I can tell - some with long-term partners, some virgins, some not currently 'at it' much as they would like to be, and one or two rabbits. I find the casualness and the young age some of them start really rather depressing - as young as 11 or 12 in a few cases, apparently :( And when you consider some of the other risks they take with their health and indeed their lives - smoking, drinking, drugs - then it seems likely they're also gambling with unprotected sex :(

My DC tell some eye-opening stories but I don't think they've had one night stands. The older two have had boyfriends/ girlfriends though.

DD1 phoned in tears from her holiday last year because 2 of the girls had gone home with the reps but didn't tell her where they were going. Those two have gone a bit to be honest despite having very strict parents.

I should have said that they are 17/18.

Err, if my memory is correct its always been this way.

I didn't have sex until age 19 and this wanoncore normal than not in my peer group. One night stands uncommon amongsty friends... So "it was ever thus" only amongst a subset of the population imo

Wanocore? Meant to say this was more normal than not!

Amongsty?
Meant to say "amongst my"!!!

I might give up now - fat fingers small phone...

Clearly if you started having sex layer in life it affects your typing quite negatively

Layer = later

What bothers me even more is the information I had from one Mum I know...that her DD aged 12 has a regular boyfriend and so do all her friends!

apparently they go on "dates" to the cinema and are dropped off by parents....TWELVE! I expressed shock and she was and said "Oh it's all very innocent"

I thought "How do you KNOW that though"?

That made me laugh TSC 'even in my day'.

I don't think dd's group of mates are like this, but she is hardly likely to tell me if they were.

I hate that thehouseonthecorner. It seems so young and if you're encouraging these 'relationships' aged 12, it's inevitable there's going to be more pressure to have sex earlier too.

Late 90s teen here, quite a few of us had lost our virginity by Y10/11... I don't know many people who were a virgin post 18.

It shocked me even more that the family were very....naice...you know. Middle class and very well educated, good careers etc...it's as though they thught they and their family were immune to teen pregnacy etc....because they have a nice house and the DC go to good schools.

One of my friends had two teenage boys. She had been going to give them "the talk" about morals and so on, but instead she got leaflets from the CSA. Neither of her boys had ever earned a penny and were both wanting good jobs, mainly for the spending power.

She pointed out how much they would lose every week for 18-21 years and - this was the clincher - they may not even see the baby. The girl could go off and get married to some guy and live abroad and they would still have to fork out money each week/month.

Now I know from our POV that the men should pay, but to these boys it was a real eye-opener. She reckoned that did the trick far more than any moralising.

Roundabout the same time another friend from work had a son who had a one night stand with a woman who slept with two boys that night. Enter the DNA test - he was the father. She didn't like the boy (the father) and he didn't like her - of course when they had sex they didn't know each other really. That was another good lesson for all the boys we know.

Hmmm, the CSA argument wouldn't work in our household, since my son's father has never paid a single penny of maintenance. The CSA is stunningly useless, and only 38% of single parents get any maintenance at all you know, and many of these get it through the courts not the CSA source
Oh dear, a bug bear! I'll shut up now...

I think this depends massively on the 'crowd' you hang around with.
OK, my eldest is just about to turn 16, but I have nieces and GodChildren and children of friends in the 16 - 21 age bracket I all know pretty well, and none of them sleep around / have one night stands. That's not niavity on my part. I hear them talk about someone they are close to who was off on holiday with her boyfriend at 16, and they had a pretty low opinion of that, saying she was too young, etc.,etc.
It's always been the way, some folk do, but a lot of folk don't, but when you come on here and say that, another poster comes along and tells you that all teens are, but you just don't know about it (although how they know the teens I know better than me, is a mystery to me).