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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS, 20, loving but thoughtless

7 replies

WelshCerys · 06/06/2012 23:50

DS2, 20, lovely, loving boy but not famed for thinking of his Mum and Dad ie spending too much money first year at uni, getting into debt and making little effort to get holiday work for money to set aside and to help ease the household bills ...

Just spoken to him. He wants DH and I to pick him up from uni later this week - 6.5 hours' drive, drop his stuff off, and that of his gf's and mates' in September's second year accommodation in town and then drive him home - another 6 - 7 hours' drive. All in a day.

Seemed unconcerned when I said that DH, driving, would be too tired to go there and back in a day and that it would be dangerous to do so. Was most persistent. Doesn't want to spend a night in halls with few other students around. He could, of course, stay in a b and b with us but the added cost of a room would be a bit of a strain - and he can stay in his uni room until the end of the weekend.

Not feeling unsafe in halls, just wants to get home and see his mates. That much is good - but the fact that at 20 he can't understand how difficult and potentially dangerous it would be to attempt that journey (a far from straightforward one, involving a mountain range and a national park!) in one day defeats me.

Do tell me that he'll grow out of this frankly very selfish phase. Please!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/06/2012 00:03

He won't grow out of it, not for a couple more years! Then once he's all mature and lovely, he'll emigrate! (This is my current fear.)

figroll · 07/06/2012 09:20

He won't grow out of it if you pander to his every whim. Just say no!

cory · 07/06/2012 10:29

As the Mumsnet saying goes, No is a complete sentence.

He is an adult and can make his own travel arrangements. Not your responsibility.

I was working abroad when I was his age, and I and my friends regularly took ourselves across the length of Europe.

People his age have families and responsible jobs. He doesn't need mummy and daddy to get him home from uni; it's the sort of thing grown-ups do for themselves.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 07/06/2012 10:37

Tell him to sort himself out!

Sorry but he is taking the piss. If he needed to bring all his gear back home for the summer then fair enough on asking for help..we will be bringing our DD1 back with all her gear in a couple of weeks as she physically can't do it all..`BUT if he is just moving his stuff across town... tell him to hire a bloody van or do it in stages!!

He is not being lovely..he is being selfish and me me me like a toddler. If you are mad enough to be willing to be his unpaid removals firm, then at the least he gets to leave when YOU say so... or he pays his own way home!

And stop baling him out financially. He is an adult.

TheSurgeonsMate · 07/06/2012 10:43

If he's not a driver, or even if he is and hasn't a lot of experience, it really isn't important whether he understands the issues or not. What's important is that you aren't doing it that way.

cory · 07/06/2012 11:40

Is there no coach service back from his uni town?

mumeeee · 07/06/2012 23:04

Just say no. DD2 was a bit thoughtless when she went to uni but she had mostly grown out of it by the end of the first year, She didn;t even ask for help moving her stuf from halls to her new house, Her and her friends carried everything it was only a short walk between the 2, She even had a jobin the uni town for most of the first summer and we only picked her up for the last few weks,

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