Teenagers and selfishness

[Unionjackie]

Dd1 is 14 and as teenagers go, is great - polite in company, trustworthy, funny, popular, hardworking at school; I really am lucky.

What depresses me on occasion is her utter selfishness. She spends most of the time at home in her room and is lured down only by food or something VERY appealing on tv. She shows no interest in her two younger siblings, and if I go out for the day (a rare occurrence), she wouldn't dream of asking me if I've had a nice time. I think there is a bit of PFB syndrome and our world has revolved around her for too long. When we show so much love, it is hurtful to get so little back.

This half term we plan to give her some jobs to do around the house to make her a little more appreciative.

Does anyone else feel like this about their teens and has anyone any tips for making the next few years as pleasant as can be expected? TIA!

It is totally normal. I have a 16 year old just the same

Pick your battles, do the broken record thing if she doesn't do the jobs you asked her to do

if she is fundamentally a good kid, I wouldn't worry

what cyborg said! As the mum of a 14 yea told girl, I'd agree with it being totally normal. Underneath the teenage exterior, she's a good kid

Sorry cybbo iPad fail!

imo it isn't always the way with teens. they are all different,
my ds always had time for his sister.
i do think the all teens are like that statement is never helpful or right

No one said all teens are like that. Said it was normal

tbh I would concentrate on having her do a few useful jobs at home but not rely on her to provide the kind of emotional support or friendliness you would be getting from an adult-this is an age where teens often withdraw into themselves

I'd settle for her keeping to the externals (no overt rudeness, doing what she has to do) but not expecting any signs of emotional involvement

my mum expected me to be her emotional prop at that age and while I was far too loyal to walk out on the job, it honestly wasn't ideal; the phrase "my best friend" used to make me cringe

Good luck with getting her to do some jobs.

That's normal behaviour for a teen.

Thank you all for your advice.

Totally agree that it is a totally normal phase for teenagers to go through - it has it's advantages .
Separate from that is the 'jobs around the house' bit though. I think teenagers (and younger dc) should contribute because they live there, and are part of the family, so I do think teens should be doing jobs, but not to get to see them more.

Thanks, Backforgood. No, it wasn't to get to see her more, just that she is more than capable of helping and that I feel like an unpaid servant at times.

Anyway, she's been really sociable today .

They tend to do that, don't they - you just decide they are like this, that or the other, and then you get a totally different day with them

Yep! Just to keep us on our toes!

It's funny, but you get so used to them being in their rooms, that I feel a bit disgruntled if they sit downstairs wanting to watch stuff on the telly. Like the damned Eurovision song contest - I felt like throttling my dd2 when she insisted on sitting downstairs with her boyfriend to watch it. So guess what - I went and sat in my bedroom!!

it's completely normal for them to become so utterly self-absorbed. try not to take it personally. If she is a good kid in every other way then you are doing well! The only time I put my foot down with mine when they are like this is if they are verbally rude and aggressive and dismissive towards the rest of the family. Providing they stay civil and polite we can tolerate their long spells of absence and their aloofness, and their 'I want to be alone' moods.

I agree with you that you should get her to do some regular chores - she lives in the house and therefore should contribute to the running of it imo.

DD is a lovely girl and rarely gives me trouble but sometimes she has waves of inherent selfishness. Nothing to extreme - say if I ask her to clear all the dishes of the table that is exactly what she will do (she will leave the glasses and then not wipe the table after). And she will monologue on about what has pained her day when I have just got in after a 14 hour day at workm knackered, and not ask if I have had a bad day, just say stuff like 'did you get me any sandwich stuff for tomorrow?'

But like I say, waves of it. She is not like it all the time. But I think sometimes teens can end up being wrapped up in themselves a bit.

too extreme.