Can't cope with DD2's attitude!

[DiscoDaisy]

DD2 is 11 and her attitude is getting everybody in our house down. It's not what she says a lot of the time but the tone she uses to say it.
She's always winding the others up and calling them names. She'll tell the others that if they let her use their stuff then they can use something of hers and then she'll go back on the deal.
She shout's and screams at me and her dad when we tell her of and the tantrums she throws are unbelievable!
She'll even call us names and when we tell her off we just get attitude back.
We've taken privileges away and stopped her going to clubs but nothing seems to work.
Yet at other times she can be so helpful and loving it's like she's two different people.
I know she has loads of hormones flying around inside her and her body is changing everyday but at this rate she'd not going to make it to the end of puberty.
Sorry for the long rant but we're really struggling to cope at the moment!

Must be hard, DiscoDaisy. I would think few of us have a totally easy ride through the teen years. I would say focus on being the best possible role model for her, be as calm and consistent as possible, and realise it is just a phase. Keep reminding yourself of the times she is loving and helpful, and keep in sight your love for her.

Thanks Neva!
We had quite an easy ride with DD1 so this is all new to us.
She through a hissy fit earlier about something that seemed so irrelevant to the rest of us but she's calmed down now and has gone shopping to get the ingredients to make some cakes.
There is definitely a lot of deep breaths being taken in our house at the moment!

Good luck DiscoDaisy.

Well she surpassed herself tonight! 30 minutes of her screaming til she was hoarse. Every room I put her in so the others would be safe she threw things and the language. I will put up with most things but when she's shouting "bitch" in my face and telling me to " f**k off! even I find it hard to stay calm (but I did).
She's been so lovely recently.
The only thing I can think of is that she's so tired from being back at school but it still doesn't excuse behaviour like this.
I really don't know where I'm going wrong!

You're not going wrong :)
Her brain is re-wiring itself and her hormones are raging and she's trying to break free of you while simultaneously engaging you... And yes, she's probably knackered too
If you haven't yet read this, I'd recommend it!

Thanks Flow4!
I'll have a look at that book. This is all new as DD1 swore at me once the whole time she was going through puberty. I try not to compare my children but the pair off them couldn't be more different which leaves me floundering at times like this!