Drinking at parties

[numberonedad]

Dd has been invited to a party where it sounds like alcohol will be flowing too freely - and I'm not sure about the company. Dd is 15 in September
Don't want drunk daughter or to deal with the aftermath of too much booze - she has only had small quantities to date.
Not sure if I think she is old enough (equally i don't want to be a hypocrit or a ludite) - need to find the right balance so she respects my opinion but I can trust her and let her have freedom and grow up. Part of me feels the growing up includes making mistakes and learning from them - like what a bad hangover is like, but equally feel she may be too young for that one.
Words of wisdom on a balanced approach please

the deal i made with my dd when she was about 16 ish was i would drive her to and from the party - i would let her stay for a couple of hours only. and i promised not to give her any grief if she phoned me becuase she was in a sticky situation - in fact i told her she would be applauded for phoning me - she wasn't disturbing me. dd had an awesome group of sensible level headed friends though tbh

That's far too young to be in a situation where "alcohol will be flowing too freely". A hangover could turn out to be the least of her worries. She still needs you to make some choices for her (for her safety). Is she desparate to go?

A 14yo and freely flowing alcohol sounds a very bad mix. Especially as the alcohol could involve shots of vodka instead of cheap weak cider that was consumed in my day.

You say you're not sure about the company and that's the key issue really. At 14/15 you don't really stand up to peer pressure. Personally I wouldn't let her go, but talk through the risks with her so she understands why. You never know - she could be unsure about it herself and even hoping you'll say 'no'.

she is 14 dont accept alcohol flowing freely are parents around ? if you are unsure dont let her go she will huff and ouff and probably throw a hissy fit , but its your job to keep her safe I wouldnt let DD1 to parites at 14 as another poster has said she may be looking for you to say no , let her blame you to her mates then at least you know she wont be getting herself into a situation she cant manage ,

sorry typos

15 in September, so 14 now? Year 9? Not a chance in hell wouldbe my response!

No alcohol at parties till year 11 in my book.

It's not the bad hangover btw - it's the unprotected sex and drugs that can often go hand in hand with drunk 14 year olds. And very few 14 year olds have the confidence to say No totheir peers when they've had a few. Or one.

My dd is 15 in feb and there is no way id allow her to go to a party i would have nothing to weigh up , if i was cool or not or her friend or not , yes parenting teens is all about balance but it always has to balance a little in a parents favour imo

DS - 15 in August - has been to one party so far. We had reservations but dropped him there and picked him up at midnight. We didn't let him take any alcohol (although friends of mine have given their children a can/bottle or two in the same situation) and although he said he had a couple of mouthfulls of lager all was OK. However, he was due to go to another a party a couple of weeks later (this was back late last year) but did something - I can't remember what - and ended up bring grounded, so didn't get to the party. It seems it's one step forward and another step back.

However, as you say you're concerned about the company, and the alcohol will be flowing freely, I think on balance I'd say no in your shoes. It's not easy is it? DS wanted to camp out this weekend with mates we're not keen on. He decided to swan into school during the second lesson this morning, so has handed us the perfect opportunity to say no to the camping!

Trust your instinct and good luck.

when my eldest was this age sometimes she would cry out for me to say no to her going I could read her like a book , one party she said oh im going to Xs party but 5/6th years are going to gatecrash so i didnt let her go , of course she was 'huffy' but i heard that it got quite wild I think she was relieved not to have gone ,

I once phoned a wise friend of mine because I was worried about my DD going to a local music festival aged 12 for someone's birthday party. I didn't feel comfortable about it but Dd so wanted to go. Wise friend with older DD than mine told me to go with my gut feelings. If I was worried about it then she shouldn't go or I should setbboundaries around it that made me feel comfortable. I refer to that advice whenever something new comes along. If I feel anxious then the situation is not right.

Remember you are her parent not her friend - there is a difference. So do what you think is right and safe. She will thank you for it one day.

DD herself now sees that parties with alcohol are trouble and she won't go if she thinks it is going to get out of hand but she is now nearly 16 with an older head than she had at 14.

Good luck

At 14 I'd say no. Though it may be that she or her friend are exaggerating about "free flowing alcohol".
Either way I agree with titchy that Year 11 is soon enough for that. DS1(16) is just at the end of year 11 and there are a lot of parties. He is allowed to take one small bottle of cider with him for his own consumption, alcohol is not usually provided at these parties. The parents must be there (not a big brother or sister).
At 14 I would not have let him go if I thought there would be alcohol.