I'm a moaning parent!!! How do I chill out?

[CrazyDaizy]

I've just got in from work and I am exhausted. The dishwasher at home was full and the kids hadn't switched it on, so that irritated me. I do waitressing so the last thing I want to do when I get home is more clearing up. I find I am constantly moaning about stuff. My kids (19 and 16) say I am a moaner. And my hubby (of 23 years) says I moan a lot too. Apparently when I walk into the house the tension rises. Can't be much fun for everyone. I feel my teens should do more, but it just means more moaning. Hubby + I went on our first night away without them not so long ago, and when we got back next day lights were on, cups and glasses left lying around.

Son's tidier than daughter. I've bought them up both the same, I've got them both to help do a few chores as they've grown up.

I think I will feel a bit more relaxed when daughter goes to Uni.

Anyone know how I feel and what do you do about it?

They're not really kids anymore, so that's the first thing. Definately not the 19 year old and if DD is going to uni, she'll have to get off her arse and learn that mummy won't be there to pick up after her!

You'll have to spell it out to them I think. Tell them if they are sick of you moaning, it's only because you're sick of picking up after 3 adults!

Thank you Maureen...... that's a good answer re the moaning.

I also like my own space. Well obviously I don't mind having my family (hubby, son + daughter) round me. Gets a bit overwhelming having a very sociable daughter..... Isn't she a bit old for her friend to sleepover these days?!!

The ONLY good thing about it is.... on night's out, they come home together.

They wont ever stay at the friends house, I doubt the Mom would allow it anyway.

I feel your pain.

My 3 ds do bugger all, and its driving me nuts these days!
They are all old enough to help out but i have to shout and scream for anything to be done....

Well I would certainly be moany in your situation. I think its time for an "everyone needs to pull their weight" chat

Calling it 'moaning' undermines you. If they're all doing it, that must feel like being ganged up on :(
Your teens should do more (and perhaps your hubby should too). I find myself saying (a lot) "If you don't want me to nag, do what I'm asking the first time I ask, or even before"!

I tend to moan when I'm not very happy. Maybe you're not very happy right now? You say you and hubby went for your first night away... So that's not much time off in 19 years!! Do you do things for yourself? Nice things? If not, start :) It may take you a while to work out what to do, if you're not used to doing nice things for yourself, but it's worth it :) I find myself much less moany, much less bothered by annoying kids, much better able to just ask for what I need, much happier... if I have been for a swim, or a coffee with friends, or a massage, or read a book, or done something else good for myself

stop doing what you are doing - stop cooking clenaing and picking up after them

go home from work on friday and get a take away for the two of you - no washing up, no cleaning and when they ask where their tea is - say I am chillin stop moaning at me

Flow4...I meant our first night away without the kids :D. The four of us have had loads of holidays and times away. But we wanted to see how the kids coped without parents for a night. And yes, we do plenty of nice things for ourselves. Maybe not enough, we should do more :)

IvyKaty.....I tried to ignore the growing mountain of clothes on daughter's bedroom floor but it wasn't easy.

To be honest, I don't think the kids would notice anyway if I didn't wash up or clean! Sometimes I have to do it for ME!! I certainly don't want to live in a mess

I know you did! And I meant nice things for YOU alone, not just nice things with your husband :)

I feel your pain also
3 teens at home here and one at Uni, and I honestly think that the house could feature on 'life of grime' before they would DO anything without me moaning! When they run out of clothes they steal mine or DH's, they leave crockery and STUFF everywhere and they just don't seem to care about having a tidy clean home. I end up doing it (DH does help but works really long hours whereas I am home by 4pm) because I can't cope with the mess !

I did have a rota for a few years which helped with the nagging factor but now they all have p/t jobs except the youngest it seems to have gone by the wayside.

My eldest is at Uni and she is SOOOOO untidy it's scary. I miss her but have to admit I'm gritting my teeth at the thought of her mess being home again soon for the summer!! I have got used to having 1/4 of my children away!!

Now and again I go on strike and guilt trip them, but the effects don't last!

Agree with ivykaty, go on strike! No cooking, washing anything that hasn't been put in the washing bin, no shopping or housework. Go up to your bedroom after work with a cup of tea and put your feet up with a good book.
Incidentally, your DH complains about your moaning but does he pull his weight around the house? He needs to be a good role model for the DCs.
The only other suggestion is to hit the gin!

Hit the gin and go on strike - paaaaartyyy, see who moans then

To be honest, I don't think the kids would notice anyway if I didn't wash up or clean!

muuum where is my fav top

mum - in the dirty washing pile

muuum but I wanan wear it

mum - well you will need to get it into the washing machine with all the other clothes

muuum oh muum

mum - are you moaning

swap fav top for food and see how long they take to start moaning about not having tea on the table and getting hungry.

Teen child may not beleive in father xmas - but they do beleive in

the washing my clothes fairy
cooking my tea fairy
cleaning the poo outa the toilet bowl fairy

it's just that they don't let on

Oh sympathies.

Even when they are tidy and do make an effort, there is still mess. Crumbs on sides, letters/parcels chucked on windowsill, rogue glasses and cups scattered everywhere.

Dishwasher ALWAYS needs emptying. Random sheos, coats, hats, gloves etc etc etc

I think it is just a lot of adults together which is some of the problem. And totally understand doing it for yourself. I have stopped even going into ds 18 room. It makes me explode at the thought.

Tis hard to make young adults to chores, and so so wearing. I would second what rest have said and go on strike.

Oh poo out of toilet bowl fairy, don't get me started

I don't leave crap on side of toilet bowl, how come they do?

DS blocks the loo with loo roll every day, he must use 1/2 roll at a sitting! Coming home from work and having to unblock the loo with hand round the u bend drives me insane! So looking forward to him coming home from uni. But yes he will do chores, and will be expected to cook and clean or he won't be fed or chauffeured. You have to be hard and unyielding, they must know that if they ignore you for long enough you'll give up and do it yourself.

Well I am glad I don't have the "poo in on side of toilet bowl" issue as my lot all seem very clean in that respect. That WOULD be something to MOAN about!!!

Like "orangesandlemons" says, even if they DO try and "tidy up" there's still crumbs on the kitchen work surfaces, food in the plug hole and a dish cloth that harbours salmonella or other nasties. Yuck.

I've never tried a rota, mainly because I'm never in any kind of routine to set one up. Hubby does his fair share and is very tidy and I can't expect him to help that much as he works long hours :)

i remember being one of these honest we change, promise, my DSM nearly fainted when the dishwasher fairy came while she was out :P uni does wonders, now i see stuff that needs doing and do it rather than expecting everyone else to do it, i feel for you, i live with people like this now, its disgusting completely changed my outlook on cleaning just done a mass bedroom bathroom clean as i was bored... a year ago you wouldn't have caught me dead tidying unless i'd been threatened and shouted at until i was in tears :P no advice, just support it gets better, but start taking things away, go back to basics if they don't do it, confiscation of laptop/phone ect. may work :)