DD eating too much, have had a chat with her

[SecondhandRose]

DD 13 is getting a bit overweight, nothing terrible it is just starting to be noticeable. I didnt want to have to talk to her about it for fear of it triggering a problem.

Last night both kids had an ice cream after school, she then insisted on eating a whole pizza for dinner (would not consider less). At 10pm (when she should have been in bed) she took a meringue and a bowl of Coco Pops up to her room. Just the after school food was nearly 1200 calories.

Tonight I found her in the sweet shop with a packet of Polos a friend had bought her. I talked her into swapping them for sugar free gum for the sake of her teeth.

Just wondered if anyone has had a similar experience and what wise words you have for me. I have struggled with my weight since having the children and I desperately dont want her to be an overweight teen.

I have suggested she keep to 1500 calories a day for a while with as much fruit as she wants. She seemed ok with this but I dont know if she will stick to it. She says she is eating because she is bored.

Putting her on a diet is seriously risky. If she wants to eat she will
Find ways to do so in secret if necessary. And she may start to feel ashamed.

I'm not a mum of a teen, I'm a compulsive eater and former bulimic.

Op I'm having the same problem with my 13 year old dd at the moment too.

I'm reluctant to say anything directly to her, but will encourage her to exercise more initially, maybe you could do the same?

Will watch with interest though and if you fancy a chat feel free to pm me :)

Good luck

i'd certainly crack down on the snacking, there really is no need, is she eating properly at mealtimes or does she graze?

and buy sensible cereals...I loathe them all and rarely buy them.....if you must then get the individual packs which are a contained portion.

It's certainly not a conversation I'd want to have.

I on't have any answers unfortunately. I was like this as a child, I never felt full, and have struggled with my weight. I watched a programme on appetite a few weeks ago (Panorama? Horizon?)It stated that hunger and appetite were often genetic and sometimes beyond a persons's control.

Can you up the activity rather than reducing the calories. FWIW, my ds would eat like that at 13, and he was a bit chubby.

He is now 18, 6ft 5 and weighs 11 1/2 stone, and has legs like knots in cotton. I do think they chub up a bit at 13, and then sort of stretch out.

Thank you for that mofj1. It is difficult I know, I have been overeating for years and I am now losing it and down to size 14 with a way to go yet.

In my own experience I feel if someone had said to me eat this, this and this and as much fruit as you want I would have coped better. So that was the reason for speaking to her.

I know full well that if she puts on another 7lb she is going to be uncomfortable, her clothes wont fit etc. I cant sit around and wait for that to happen.

She has been on Skype all evening with a friend so far and has kept away from the fridge (busy you see). She is off now but not come downstairs yet.

She hasnt had her growth spurt yet, periods not started and no boobs. She is about 5ft 2" (I am 5ft8") so it is possible she is getting ready for it all to happen but even so she needs to be making healthier choices and we have talked about this. Perhaps I should get DS to take the Coco Pops to his bedroom.

Sorry to hear of your problems Gincognito, if you have not yet had counselling I can really recommend it and also hypnosis ( I have had everything!).

don't buy cocopops! and is it possible to stop them having food in their bedrooms? (clueless, have toddler + baby) - we have this rule in our house - no food upstairs, and only tea (for us) and water - this was to preserve some semblance of a stain-free existence, but think I will try to insist on it!

Her DB is 6ft 4" and also 11 stone something, he is like a furnace that permanently needs fuelling. She thinks she can do the same. He is a real PITA and will only eat Coco Pops (I know, I know) but if I dont eat them he wont eat anything in the mornings.

As for the pizza, I have already cut down their size and will do so again.

She does sport twice a week at school and is a pretty good runner too. It really is only 7-10lb that she needs to lose. I just want to catch before it gets worse.

Sorry that should have said 'buy' not 'eat'.

Maybe stop buying ice cream, pizzas, coco pops and meringues and get some healthier food in instead. A big bowl of fruit or some cut up carrots,cucumber or cherry tomatoes in the fridge. Weetabix instead of coco pops?

I don't think she needs to be aware of the calorie side of things, but I would be making sure meals were well balanced. A plate full of pizza would be better as half a plate of pizza and a side salad for example. I would stop buying sugary cereals and say snacks between meals were stuff like apples, carot/cucumber/pepper sticks, cherry toms, etc. If they are hungry teens maybe a slice of toast for supper but at the table. No food in rooms does sound like a good idea.

Would she do some exercise with a friend? Swimming or ice skating or something maybe?

Oh yes we have a no food in bedrooms rule - please tell me what to do to stop them. Teenagers are a rule unto themselves.

They dont get pocket money as neither tidies their room. DD likes World Of Warcraft and wants me to continue paying the £9 a month for it but I have said she can pay from her own account which would have £10 a week pocket money in it if she bothered earning any.

Sometimes it is easier to turn a blind eye or you drive yourself crazy with it.

cut out snacks at home - for all the family.

Nothing in the cuboards.

Then eat three meals a day and pudding with supper - when I say pudding I mean something along the lines of fruit and yogurt or fruit and one scoop of ice cream etc

We do have a hugely balanced fridge with regard to food groups. Meringues are for me as I am on WW. Hidden away but she just helps herself when she finds them.

I'm afraid that if you are hiding away treat food this is giving her the wrong message - she is only copying what you do. You need to model good eating behaviour to her - however hard it is - for all the reasons you outline in your OP. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh - it's not meant to be, but the thing about the hidden meringues really resonated with me.

You need to regain control of your kitchen! Stop them just helping themselves to stuff. Explain clearly that this is to do with how much food costs and having some respect for you as you have to go out and buy it all.

Don't mention calories or losing weight just make it very clear that you are the gatekeeper to food.

Make healthy food available (perhaps a fruit bowl in the living room to make a distinction) and obviously if they are hungry and can ask politely let them have other snacks etc.. But start to buy healthier food/smaller sizes of things. (smaller biscuits, healthier cereal/cereal bars, best of both bread or multi grain if that wont cause a riot).

If she eats when she is bored make sure she isnt bored, chores, clubs (sporty ones!), walking the dog, homework etc... Etc..

My meringues are hidden because they only have 1 Pro Point on WW not the opposite! She is now in the living room with us, apple in hand, cup of tea and 2 finger Kit to eat slowly with her tea. Not taking away all treats.

that sounds like good progress anyway - I'm sure you will work it out with her without too much stress on either side

Not taking away all treats

Food should not be a treat, you are building a relationship with food as a prize

if you want to give treats then buy her an ipod voucher or an amazon voucher or a day out or a hair cut, a magazine or some nail varnish

Food is a meal to be eaten and enjoyed, enjoy food for the taste

When you have teenagers it is very different to having younger children. Life changes a great deal and unfortunately not for the better.

"She hasn't had her growth spurt yet"... Then please, please leave her in peace. IF she is carrying extra weight now, it is probably in preparation for this.

It is soooo easy to make young people self-conscious about their weight. This happened to my 12yo last winter when he put on a few extra pounds... Then in February he grew 8cm in 4 weeks and is now slim... But he still believes he is 'chubby' and restricts his food consumption, in a way that is beginning to worry me... :(

My father used to comment constantly on my weight and food consumption when I was a child and teenager. My portion sizes were limited, I wasn't allowed to eat between meals and I was only allowed sweets on Saturdays. I was hungry often. School days weren't so bad, because of school dinners, but holidays could be tough.

I became a 'food sneaker'. Once, aged about 7 or 8, I cut my finger pinching a slice of bread I wouldn't have been allowed, and then couldn't ask for help dealing with the blood and pain, because I knew I'd be in trouble (I still have the scar)... If I could get away with it, I took food from other people's portions, because expected to be hungry again soon... I started stealing money for sweets and snacks... I developed the habit of 'hiding' food or sweets in my pocket and smuggling bits into my mouth secretly so that no-one would see. Even as an adult, I still find myself doing this occasionally :(

I grew up believing I was a fat child, but when I look back at photos, I can see I was not. I am, however, an overweight adult, who eats too much, and eats 'secretly', though there is no longer anyone to keep secrets from .

Now I am grown-up, I can see my father had food issues of his own (and alcohol ones too)... Now I have children of my own, I know how ravenously hungry they can be. My kids can and do eat a full tea, then come back for a bowl of cereal, then another, then maybe toast... My 17 yo often also makes a pizza or a ready meal at midnight. Neither of them has any surplus fat. I strongly believe kids should be able to eat whenever they are hungry.

If your daughter is eating when she is bored, then address this, and help her to deal with her boredom, rather than her eating. Exercise is one thing she could do, but there will be many other things too... Try to make sure she is too busy to eat unless she is ravenous!

All this focus on what she eats? Baaad news! Just only provide healthy options for the whole family and btw just because DS can eat coco pops and be skinny doesn't mean ihe should(teeth?)and dd shouldn't. How will that make her feel. You might as well have tins for the junk food labelled "not for the fatties"? And why do u have your own stash separate from the family food? All this makes food a hot topic, i.e. somethibg other than wgat it shoukd be...fuel. Bring it all out in the open so no-one has anything to hide and don't have crap in the house, healthy food is not addictive. Buy/make a dessert a couple of times a week and have crisps:/choc at wknds but don't store it? I would be wary of broaching this subject with her- honestly, that way lie food issues for life.

is she active? sports? dacing?

Exactly what flow4 said. Her same situation happened to me except with my mum who has issues herself with food and weight. I know she was trying to help me but she affected my self confidence badly with her constant comments on what I was eating and on my weight (which was just a bit of podge that I grew out of). Sadly from 18 onwards my secret eating issues meant I gained and I have yo-yoed ever since.

Fill your house with healthy food, model good eating, encourage exercise by being active as a family but if I were you I would let her be.

I don't have teenagers but I know I found food v stressful at this age which became an eating disorder eventually. I could only war things I liked and got v stressed otherwise. In hindsight I wish my mum had been a bit tougher about healthy snacks around this age as I still find it hard to stomach fruit etc instead of chocolate and crisps. My mum jet me way poles if chicago etc because I wouldn't eat anything else!

Meanwhile I have a 13 year old su who we have had this problem with lately. She was gorging on unhealthy food and grazing all day and noticeably gained weight. We gave her a tuck money strict limit (meal cards at school do was easy to enforce) and it seems to have solved the problem. She whined for a bit but teens are fickle and soon move on to some other thing