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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

worried about son with girlfriend

13 replies

happygolucky0 · 28/05/2012 11:49

Hello
Hope you can give you opinons/advice to help me out abit.
My son has recently, around 2 or 3 months ago got a girlfriend. I am starting to regret that that I said he was allowed. Up until then I said not until you are 16. After thought I decided that it was better that I knew where he was and with whom.
Now though I think it is getting abit too ahead of itself. They don't live close to each other so I have said weekends are best. He has been going to her house the last few weekends. Then yesterday I had the weekend off so said I would take them out which I did.
Even though they protested alittle that they would prefer to stay home. When we got back they went in his room. The rule is that that the door stays open. The door keeps getting shut!! So that is stressing me out. Anyway went to ask them what they wanted to eat and the girl was under the sheets!!!
I warned them again about the door which they opened. Have talked about having sex ect so he knows about it. I am just worried. Not sure what to do now?

OP posts:
Heyyyho · 28/05/2012 11:51

How old are they?

Original poster
happygolucky0 · 28/05/2012 11:53

sorry forgot to add they are 14

OP posts:
GinPalace · 28/05/2012 11:57

As with any situation he has to respect the boundaries. He needs to appreciate why you are concerned and that he has to obey the house rules. If he doesn't then he can expect consequences (girl not allowed in house? etc).

Certainly they could be getting up to stuff at that age so you are right to try to impose guidelines, even if they could find ways round it you still have to give the message it is a serious matter.

Maybe you could tell him that it was an act of trust etc that you permitted it in the first place at all and that if he rides roughshod over that he will un-earn that trust and find life gets much less cosy.

theycallmemrsboombastic · 28/05/2012 11:59

take the door off its hinges and the sheets off the bed

IAmBooybilee · 28/05/2012 11:59

you sound very nervous about him having a girlfriend. too nervous if i'm honest.

by telling him he wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend until he was 16 (why on earth not?) you have made what should be a normalo teenage experience into a taboo issue and one that he has been prevented from having on your say so (i know you have now permitted it but that's exactly my point, he has to have your permission)

wrt the door being closed. if they can't stick to the rules then you dont let them up the bedroom. tell them that next time it gets shut they both have to come down.

when you say you have talked about sex. what exactly have you discussed?

flow4 · 28/05/2012 12:15

I was a nervous wreck when my son had his first girlfriend. He was 14, she was 13. We have a 4 storey house: his bedroom is in the attic and the kitchen is in the basement: I spent soooo much time running up and down stairs checking the door was open! Like you, I preferred to have them where I could keep an eye than elsewhere, and there was no way I'd consider banning him from having a girlfriend or bringing her home: it just isn't fair or realistic, imo. I never really found an 'easy fix' and decided it was just going to be one of those difficult parenting issues... Now he's 17 and I'm a bit more relaxed about this... But there seem to be other even more difficult challenges... Hmm

Original poster
happygolucky0 · 28/05/2012 12:17

Thanks for your reply Iam. I get your point though you think I am over reacting. I am nervous yes there are too many teenage pregnancies and I don't want my son adding to that .
We discussed how babies are made, using protection. STI, that it isn't legal to have sex until you are 16 and the girl is 16.

OP posts:
Original poster
happygolucky0 · 28/05/2012 12:20

Thanks flow for your comments

OP posts:
IAmBooybilee · 28/05/2012 12:40

have you discussed the feelings involved in sex and what feelings might make you think you're ready for sex (when possibly not)? it's great that you have talked about the facs and how to stay safe but i think it's equally important to discuss how he might feel with a girlfriend and why those feelings dont always mean he has to act on them. as cringeworthy as it might be for you both it could benefit him to hear how you felt during your first experiences of sex. obviously i dont know your history and it might not be appropriate for you to discuss it with him but if you think it might help himmake good decisions it's worth it. Smile i understand your worry though. i was a teen mum. the facts were left on my bedside table in a leaflet and never discussed. definitely not the emotional aspect. i'll be using my own experience to help guide my children in the future.

IAmBooybilee · 28/05/2012 12:41

oops. when i say 'how you felt during your first experiences of sex' i dont mean discussing intinate details. i mean talk about what led you to making the choices you did and how you felt emotionally.

Original poster
happygolucky0 · 28/05/2012 12:54

Yes Iam that is something that I havn't thought about before to discuss with him before but probably makes sense to. thanks

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/05/2012 12:59

I have a 13 yo DS with a girlfriend.

They do not go upstairs at all

And yes, I know they can be up to all sorts outside my house.

My ds1 actually talks to DH about sex, he has spoken to him about how he feels about this girl which is lovely, although my DH struggles sometimes not to jump in when theres TMI and I'm pretty sure they are not sexually active

They still are not allowed upstairs!!

Heyyyho · 28/05/2012 20:14

They are quite young.

No I would say if they can't follow the rule of door open they don't get to go upstairs.
They are pushing boundries v normal. You have to set them and stick to it. Like toddlers....Smile

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