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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds1 18 feels so hopeless and that lifie is not worth living.

30 replies

longlashes · 23/05/2012 09:34

Ds1 sailed through school , got 10 GSCES. He then went to 6th form college, hated it, got very depressed. He stuck it out for a year. We them looked at a different college and he started another course. He had got really upset about leaving 6th form and said he was a useless failure.
He started his new course though and a few weeks into it a new course started at the same college, a level 3 business diploma which would be worth 3 A levels after 2 years. He has done it for a year, and they have now said it won't be running next year due to financial reaons Sad.
Ds is very depressed, has applied for loads of jobs just doesn't even get an interview. He has had summer jobs in the past, but even that isn't looking promising. He reckons he has no talent isn't good at anything and is a waste of space. I hate to see him like this, feel like crying
It doesn't help that ds2 is a year younger, is happy with his girlfriend, has a part time job and knows exactly what he wants to do in life.
I just don't see how things can improve for my ds1.

OP posts:
Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 09:35

Sorry for typos, thought I had previewed it first x

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twentyten · 23/05/2012 09:43

What a shame-poor lad. What about volunteering/princes trust to help build confidence and get him out doing something? There are some brilliant organisations out there. He's proved himself with his GCSE's-sounds like over the summer it would be good to do something-wildlife groups/ working with disabled kids-whatever his passion is.Good luck

Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 10:22

I did suggest the princes trust but he won't do it. All he wants to do is earn.

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gingeroots · 23/05/2012 10:54

Oh poor kid and you .
( I've also had a 19 year old DS weeping because he " fails at everything " . )

Could he complete the business diploma at another college ?
Is it worth seeing whether any of of the big retail firms ( Sainsburys , Morrisons ,Primark ,B&Q ) have any opportunities where people are employed and take a business qualification - maybe they would take his first half of the course and previous experience into account .

And the college he's at now should give him some kind of certificate ( think there's an official name ) to indicate his achievment so far ...and maybe a letter or something so that he has evidence that it's no fault of his that he hasn't completed the course/has had to move on .

Sorry not to be more help - maybe others will have advice .

Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 10:56

I do wish he would do something like that though. He just seems to have lost his mojo. Says he is one big loser. He has loads of mates some of them have jobs, normally through someone they know.
Dh works offshore and could get him something there but he just doesn't want to do that says he would hate to be away in the middle of the sea! It's not for everyone I know. Even if he could get a seasonal job it would give him a boost. The last job he applied for, minimum wage, 93 applied for it in the first few days!

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YouveCatToBeKittenMe · 23/05/2012 11:02

My DD didn't know what to do with herself after college either. She applied for several jobs and was rejected. Then she applied to be an Activity Instructor. If your son is outdoorsy or sporty (DD wasn't particularly although used to be in a running club) perhaps he could try something like that. The wages aren't great at the start as it is an apprenticeship, but she is constantly learning things and being trained and skills like the life-guarding are always useful. She also lives onsite so it's given her independence.

awbless · 23/05/2012 11:20

If he has done the first year - he will have a qual and will get a certificate.

Have you thought of apprenticeships - these combine working and a 'day release' typr of arrangement at college. I would make some enquireies at your local college/training provider and there is a website you can register his details and it tells you all the apprenticeships available in your area.

www.apprenticeships.org.uk/

Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 11:37

Thanks everyone gingeroots is your ds working?
We have looked at apprenticeships and he has applied for some. He is also registered at Asda, Tesco and Sainsburies and has applied for some of their jobs.
He will get some sort of certificate to show what he has done.
We live in a seaside village so there is not a lot around here. Our nearest city is 26 miles away and there is a town a few miles down the road but not that much happening there. He passed his driving test 4th time because I wouldn't let him give up. He hasn't a car though because of insurance and with ds2 now taking lessons I can't just pay for it for him.
He is so popular and has loads of mates, he just needs a break. He regularly applies for all kinds of jobs bless him.

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Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 12:27

Ds came home from college with the idea of working on a cruise ship, saying it suddenly came to him that he could travel and work at the same time.
However every website he has look at say yo have to be 21 Sad.

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Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 12:28

Blimey my typing is terrible. Must be the sun getting to me Grin.

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gingeroots · 23/05/2012 18:57

How about something like this - is he 18 ?
www.pgl.co.uk/pglweb/recruitment

My DS not working OP - just finishing end of first year .
And will soon be footloose until .....October I think .

So that will be fun ...not !

Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 19:13

Thats an idea worth looking at gingeroots, thanks. He is 18 will be 19 until November.
I just never imagined it being like this for them when they were small. In my day, long long ago, there were jobs for the taking.

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Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 19:15

My typing is terrible today sorry Smile. Had an op on my foot sitting here housebound with my foot up in the air, doctors orders. Bloody hurts, thats my excuse anyway!

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gingeroots · 23/05/2012 21:57

Painkillers longlashes - take them at regular intervals ,not just when pain becomes too much .

It's so hard wanting to help them ...

Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 22:26

They gave me Tramodil to start with,nearly knocked me out!
It is hard wanting to help them yes, I guess eventually they will just find their own way.

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Annunziata · 23/05/2012 22:40

This is so upsetting- good kids who desperately want to work and nothing for them. Can you pull in any favours from anyone? Is he too proud? I really hope he gets something.

Get well soon too Flowers

Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 22:56

Thank you xx
Have pulled in a favour for ds2. at the moment he is doing a bit of labouring for dhs mate. He did it last year while ds 1 already had a summer job. Ds2 is doing the same this year, ds1 got in touch about his old job and they said they only employ up to age 17 as they don't want to pay 18 year old wages.

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Annunziata · 23/05/2012 23:10

That's terrible. Have you checked any local council schemes? Or even just to go into every place in the high street once a week? It might not be what he wanted but it could be something. I really do feel for you and your DS. Please let us know how he gets on.

Annunziata · 23/05/2012 23:11

My own typing's gone to pot. *even just going into!

Original poster
longlashes · 23/05/2012 23:32

I will do Annunziata He has been round town and along the sea front with his cv quite a few times. We also live near quite a few holiday camps but on the open day there were literally hundreds of people queueing down the road.
He did caravan cleaning for a while last year. That is an awful job, just cant believe the state people leave caravans in.
Hopefully he will get a good response to one of his applications at some point.

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sashh · 24/05/2012 06:45

Camp America? Just for the summer but he would get experience of being away from home.

twentyten · 24/05/2012 08:02

Do you have a uni near? They have good job shops with contacts for students and lots of help too.

Original poster
longlashes · 24/05/2012 09:25

Thanks for your ideas. I can show him there are choices out there. When he left after his first year at sixth form he said he had messed up his life, but we got through it and he went on to the college he is as now. I tried to show him there are always options.
I read in the newspaper that a lot of companies are starting to hire on attitude rather than qualifications, whether thats true or not I don't know. A bit of both I would think.
He has got his 10 gcses anyway, including maths, english and science. and whatever he gets from this course.
My BIL has no qualifications whatsoever, has his own business and is a millionaire! My dh got 1 cse and has a very highly paid job.
It is just the case of getting that first break!

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Annunziata · 24/05/2012 09:50

Does he have his driving licence? DH says anyone with a HGV or bus license would be in good stead.

Original poster
longlashes · 24/05/2012 10:38

Yes he does have a driving license. He passed in April 4th time round. He did persevere I will give him that, got really angry and frustrated with himself but now he has done it Smile. His mate failed 3rd time and won't book another.
He did look at a tesco delivery job but you had to have a license for a year.
HGV license is worth looking at. I suppose you can pass and fail like a driving test. Will look it up, thanks.

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