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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Lazy teen causing me stress

2 replies

reallyneedhelpwiththis · 18/05/2012 14:44

Hi! I have a 14 y/o son whos stressing me out big time at the moment! Throughout the past few months he's had one sickness bug after another and obviously been unable to attend school. When he is however fine and healthy he's causing me great distress by arguing with me and refusing to go to school! He has become very volatile and agressive toward me and can use what i can only describe as bullying tactics on me. I am a single parent and my ex has very little contact with our son. I point blank refuse for him to stay off for no reason as i am fully aware of the legal and moral implications of doing so. I discussed my concerns with his teacher and was informed that his attendance levels for the year certainly have dropped however it cant be heped if he is genuinely unwell (which is the only time he is off school).
I really am at my wits end with my sons volatile behaviour and his aggression.
I have discussed these issues with his doctor who has referred him to see someone who specialises in teenagers mental health.
I through all of this dont sleep, feel constantly ill with bad nerves and just feel so fed up!
Does anyone have any suggestions of anything else i can do to help this situation as i feel my health is being affected by all this?

OP posts:
Jellykat · 18/05/2012 18:25

I am in exactly the same position as you, but i'm lucky as have had previous experience with DS1 and at 5ft 11", and am still slightly taller (although DS2 has been weight lifting so has huge muscles)..
What you describe sounds like pretty normal teenage hormonal behaviour tbh - testing the boundaries, pushing to see what he can get away with with the person he's closest too, devoid of empathy - with both my DSs i could tell by their faces when a hormonal surge was about to descend.

You have my sympathies, its stressful and completely knackering, but somehow you have to regain control.. When DS2 is raging i ignore him mostly, unless its really ott then i go bolistic too (which doesn't happen often) if he smashes something like his phone he has to replace it himself..

We've had calm discussions ( i pick my moments) about what happens legally if he doesn't go to school and also how important getting his GCSEs are going to be for the future.
ATM there in a bit of limbo at school, waiting to start their options, and i can see my DSs point about not being bothered about doing good work etc in a subject they'll never do again after July. Perhaps your DS feels the same? Does your DS have any idea about what he'd like to do?

I think it's as much about how you react to his behaviour, as his behaviour iyswim. Not a criticism you understand, just wondering if there's another way of reacting that might help the situation? In what way does he bully you and do you give in (easily done when you're knackered) or do a deal that keeps things level?
Oh, and ban 'energy drinks' if possible - they all seem to be into them, they think it's cool Hmm

reallyneedhelpwiththis · 20/05/2012 15:20

Hi Jellykat. Thank you for your reply.

He does have thoughts about what he wants to do in the future and speaking to him calmy about this i then discuss with him that i want him to achieve what he wants in life but an education needs to be meet also to help what he wants to do. We've spoken calmly about things and he always replies with answers that make me believe what he understands me then when it actually comes to him getting up for school it all starts! When i mentioned bullying tactics he says things like (for example) he'll only go to school if i give him his laptop back. I took it from him because of his attitude and manner towards me. i dont give in and thats what gets him frustrated. I've explained on several occasions that if he wishes to have his laptop etc back he has to prove he deserves to have them by following the rules and go to school without throwing this aggression at me. At the moment its tough love and i guess as a teenager he doesnt understand that im having to be tough for a good reason and hopefully he will appreciate it in later life. i cant deny that sometimes when he starts his nonsense i fly off the handle (although i know i shouldnt) but sometimes frustrations flare up. I really feel the lack of communication with his father is definitely a contributing factor to how his behaviour is at the moment but sadly that is a situation that i cant remedy.
Thanks again for your reply - its given me pause for thought :)

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