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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15yr old girl :(

21 replies

chocaholic2011 · 17/05/2012 08:23

is this normal.... She won't wash, never cleans her teeth..... Sleeps in filthy school clothes then gets up and goes in in them the next day!!!! Room too disgusting to describe.... And apparently I'm immature :( although I hope I am the only one going through this pls tell me I'm not... X

OP posts:

RabidAnchovy · 17/05/2012 08:25

I have a 15 year old boy that I have threatened to jet wash before now
It does get better but I think it is a teen thing.

TanteRose · 17/05/2012 08:32

hmm, well, my 14 year old DD never cleans her room and is constantly sneezing because of the dust.

But she showers every night, cleans her teeth and wears clean clothes (mostly).

I would start really cracking down on the hygiene, surely she starts to smell after a while?

I know they don't listen to us, but it is not normal to sleep in filthy clothes, sorry

MrsPnut · 17/05/2012 08:34

I have one of those too. She wears the same shirt all week despite having about 6, thinks deodorant and perfume are a replacement for a shower and can go out in full make up and hair done but be in dirty clothes and stinking.

I can't even get in her room, although I do go in once a week to do a towel retrieval and I put her a cup of tea on the ledge by her door in the mornings.

dexter73 · 17/05/2012 12:32

It's not usual for dd and her girl friends. Dd showers every day and cleans her teeth 2 times a day (she has a brace so this isn't optional!). She wears clean clothes and has a tidyish bedroom. It doesn't sound very nice for your dd to be dirty.

barbarianoftheuniverse · 17/05/2012 12:42

I think the room is normal(ish). DD(15) lives in a pit. Don't think the not washing, teeth cleaning, sleeping in school uniform is typical though. Are her friends the same?

maudpringle · 17/05/2012 12:47

I have dd16 and dd15, dd16 very clean; teeth,hair,minimal make up - room looks like a bomb has hit it.
DD 15 very clean also but can't stand a messy bedroom.
I wouldn't worry about the bedrooms but the personnal hygiene is a bit unusual I would say.
All the teenage girls we know are meticulous in that respect.

circular · 17/05/2012 13:22

I have DD(14) quite similar, although never sleeps in her clothes, and wears very little make up if any. Only showers once or twice a week, and goes through loads of deodorant. Constantly nagging her to clean teeth.

Would wear same tights & bra for a week or more if I didn't step in.

Room has improved recently, though. 'Floordrobe' became a lot smaller after spouts of items going missing.

Brightspark1 · 17/05/2012 19:53

Is she OK in other ways? If she is, it might just be a (revolting) phase. But if she is withdrawn or unhappy, it may be that she is depressed . It was this sort of self neglect that was the starting sign of my DDs depression, I just didn't pick up on it at the time.
Disgusting rooms are completely normal, I just went in and cleaned when the smell started to escape, or when we ran out of crockery.
Anyone remember Fungus the Bogeyman? Well he lived in DS' room!

YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 17/05/2012 19:57

Sounds like my dd & DS bedrooms 13&14

However they both shower twice a day and dd gets up half an hour early to wash, dry and straighten her hair.

Isn't body odour becoming a problem.

Original poster

chocaholic2011 · 17/05/2012 22:10

Thanks everyone :) she is an A* student who her teachers all adore. I am an her back about the teeth cleaning all the time but she basically said that's why she wasn't doing it so have backed off a bit to see if that helped... It hasn't :( yes body odour is def a prob and I've mentioned it and bought loads of deo but age doesn't seem to care!

Showers are now abt every third day but that's with lots of daily reminders/nagging suppose it's now gona have to be withdrawal of iPod tv etc until she can want to do it for herself!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 17/05/2012 22:15

Is she well in herself? Esteem issues? Depression? Trouble with other kids at school? (they will be vile if she smells :-()

BackforGood · 17/05/2012 23:30

Room is pretty normal, but I don't think it's normal to sllep in your clothes then go out in them the next morning.
Showering every 3rd day isn't a problem per se, either, if she were washing in between, but, from what you describe, that's not happening either.

flow4 · 17/05/2012 23:52

Just to put a bit of a different perspective on it... I know daily showers are normal now, but when I was a teen, the norm was a weekly bath. I suppose someone suggested a strip-wash to me on one or two occasions in between, but it was freezing in that bathroom, so I usually locked the door and just pretended! I didn't sleep in my clothes, but I did put on the same dirty ones in the morning - and so did most other kids: the washing machine only went on a couple of times a week, not every day. I do remember a bit of B.O., but no-one dies of grubbiness. Just cos it's 'not normal' doesn't necessarily mean it's a problem, though I agree it could be a sign of depression, and you should check that out.

Everything else sounds normal enough!

BackforGood · 17/05/2012 23:54

That's my point too flow4 - but there are many people on this site that go into apoplexy when you mention it's not necessary to have a shower every day

Original poster

chocaholic2011 · 18/05/2012 06:41

Prob esteem issues, she is a size 14 and pretty much all her friends are stick thin! How do you tell when normal teenage angst/hormones is something more such as depression etc ?? X

OP posts:

Original poster

chocaholic2011 · 18/05/2012 06:50

Flowd good point, when I was young it was a sun night bath! I sort of get the feeling it's all laziness based, sort of if she doesn't shower etc she gets longer in bed. I suppose really what I am struggling with is what stuff deserves the withdrawal of privileges and what stuff I should just let go as she's old enough to decide for herself :( bearing in mind I like everything very clean and tidy and shower twice a day. She is soooo good at school, lovely with extended family and little ones! Just hates me her stepdad and brother :( her friends are not like it at all :( very groomed and glam!! X

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Brisvegasmum · 18/05/2012 13:54

Sounds just like my own dd and all my friends dc all aged 15 years. But I am now sick to death of hearing it could be depression etc. my dd and all my mates Dd have decided they are just lazy little free riders who need a name for everything when all they are, are spoilt bloody kids who think life revolves round them. Staying in bed means not moving limbs just thumbs on phones or iPads, same clothes means less to think of before leaving the house and washing themselves, well that's just valuable hair straighning time wasted. So you know I've been there I've been 15 but coz we didn't have all the nanny state shite we have today we never got away with anything, mum said up you jumped up. So don't fret any more or put an illness to what our 15 yr old girls/boys are like, they will grow out of it and one day be clean loving humans like our selfs with their own 15 yr old kids, PAY BACK yay can't wait .xxxx

Brightspark1 · 18/05/2012 18:58

Unfortunately depression does exist in teenagers, as i have found out the hard way. I think they have a shitty time of it compared with when I was a teenager. I had bugger all, but that was ok because no one else did either. And there wasn't the pressure for girls to look plastic and perfect that there is today. Maybe DD feels she can't compete with stick thin friends and has just ducked out i of the unspoken competition. I don't think nagging works, maybe talking about it when you are on your own and she is in a good mood, car journeys are often good for this sort of conversation

awbless · 18/05/2012 21:54

choc you could speak to School Nurse/Pastoral Support, tell them your concerns, they would then broach the subject. In my experience (FE College), students get the message pretty quickly when professionals mention it. They do tend to deliberately ignore parents.

DestinationUnknown · 18/05/2012 22:16

Can you get into her room during the school day, get clean bed linen and PJs sorted if nothing else? Or will WWIII kick off? She might be tempted by clean and lovely smelling stuff and give in to it... Then you can nab the uniform and wash it for the next day? I know this is basic but the smelly clothes and not washing sounds grim. She might be desperate for someone to take charge and set boundaries (or not but worth a try?) if she already "hates" you then what is there to lose?

Original poster

chocaholic2011 · 19/05/2012 20:19

Thanks so much everyone for the support! All great :) will let you know how we get on :) x

OP posts:

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