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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

13 year old mixed 'sleep out'

6 replies

fidgetspace · 15/05/2012 13:05

My 13 year old DS has been invited to a mixed 'sleep out' at a friends house. there will be 10 in total, 5 boys 5 girls. Camping out all night in a tent in girls back garden. (Huge house, back garden is actually massive field).

I'm feeling really uncomfortable about this, but don't want to be an old fogey! My gut says that it's not appropriate. What's others opinions / experiences? DS is at a new school so I haven't had a chance to get to know these friends families / parents yet.

What would you do?!

OP posts:
schoolchauffeur · 15/05/2012 13:41

My DD ( now 16) went to a few of these "mixed sleepovers" at around 13-14 and because of the numbers involved they were pretty harmless and there really was no funny business! However, they were inside a house where the parents could keep an eye so could see that there was no alcohol. There were also no "couples" in the group. My DD said everyone just sat around chatting playing Wii Games, then settled down in sleeping bags to watch movies in very big lounge and most people dozed off by 1.00am.

Host's mum told me she checked at 1.30am when she went to bed- all was quiet and they were all asleep at 7.00am when she went down - until the smell of cooking bacon and sausages got them all in the kitchen.

I might be less happy about the fact this is outside away from the house in tents especially since you don't know the other kids/parents too well. I would ring up the parents and have a chat- in my experience in the case where the parents are going to be responsible for what is going on , they will be only too happy to reassure you how they are running the event.

The ones to watch are the smaller gatherings in particular where there are one or two couples going- my DD got into a situation where she was invited as a spare part to a mixed gathering to be a "decoy" ie there was my DD and this girls BF except mum didnt know he was a BF! DDs friend wanted her to take the single room and let BF take the space in the friends room- under her parents roof! Fortunately my DD realised this before the night and make an excuse not to go!!

So my answer is, I wouldn't make it a definite no- but do your research, speak to the parents and go with your gut feel.

uruculager · 15/05/2012 13:43

From my experience as a teenager: no, a thousand times no!

sugarice · 15/05/2012 13:44

I wouldn't be too worried if it was one of mine as long as the Parents are responsible and are there keeping an eye on them. It's hard if you don't know them though, can you get hold of the Parents phone number to have a chat.

SecretSquirrels · 15/05/2012 15:28

Been there done the worrying.
DS1 is 16 now but started these mixed sleepovers at 13.
I think 13 is probably safer than 14,15 and 16 although I accept potential for problems.
I always made sure there were separate tents for boys and girls and that the host's parents would be there AND would be supervising. Agree the no couples rule as well. I said no to DS going to a mixed sleepover once he had a girlfriend.
Definitely no alcohol at that age. (That's one to worry about when they are 16 plus in my experience.)
Give him a few ground rules and he'll be fine!

RubyFakeNails · 15/05/2012 18:55

Agree 13 is fine its about 15 can get a bit Hmm but on he other hand both DD1 and DS1 are 16 and we nearly always have a combination of their friends staying at the weekend so a mixed thing. Never known to have any problems.

Quite open about sex between me and DCs and I did raise the concerns was told 'Nooooo that would just be soooo embarassing, shutup mum'. I think the worst you can expect is a bit of spin the bottle or the like nothing inappropriate.

Also if your DS is new, I would be encouraging any social opportunities.

Greenshadow · 20/05/2012 20:16

Wouldn't have any qualms about this (although of course I don't know the children in question).

Teens these days do seem take mixed sex groups much more for granted than when I was young. I think it's actually quite nice.

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