I swore at ds1 tonight for being lazy

[A2J]

There's really no excuse for it. Yes I have PMT and yes ds1 is so very very lazy but I just lost my rag. Called him a lazy little shit His dad (exdh)is very untidy and unclean and ds1 is so similar to him in his ways I'm scared he'll end up the same. Ex is so scruffy and his house is minging.

I told ds1 he'd end up living in a shithole like his dad. Ds1 knows the way his dad lives is unhealthy. DCs stay with him every weekend and I often have to pull up ex on things although he rarely listens. He just thinks it's funny. This man is in his 50s! I managed to get him to check the filter on the dishwasher that he'd never cleaned. I left 6 years ago To say it was rank is an understatement. He didn't even know to clean it yet I've told him he needs to. And as for the bathroom, I won't even go there.

So I got to the end of my tether and it's obviously built up. DS1 got the brunt of it being so lazy. But then aren't most teenagers? I have no way of budging him or getting him to do anything. And now he must despise me.

I apologised and explained why I lost it. He said he knows I'm worried. I also said it was still wrong of me which of course he also knows.

I'm really scared that I'm not going to be able to cope. Dp is excellent (and very clean) but he gets annoyed at the laziness too.

I thought I was a good parent but I'm not. I'm someone I don't like right now.

You got to the end of your tether.
You have PMT.
You projected your feelings about their Dad and his untidiness.
You lost it and said something you regretted which was out of character

Then what?

You apologised, you explained why you did it, and got real understanding from your teen, who knows you love him an astonishing amount and have been his rock for the past 6 years.

I've yet to meet a parent of teens who hasn't done something like this, and then felt just as bad as you afterwards.

So have a cuppa, take some time for a bit of tlc and get a good sleep.

(And have a look at 'Teenagers' by Rob Parsons, a great and easy reading which helped me put a lot of parenting-teens issues into a better perspective.)

Thanks for that timetosmile. I feel so tearful right now.

I'll have a look at that book. I've seen his work before.

I think what pushed me to the limit was I asked him over and over to do it (pointless I know) and he started making this awful pathetic noise which he does, like a groaning whine. Really strange. I just flipped.

My youngest has aspergers but he's much tidier thank God. Just have other issues to deal with there.

I think they do insert the guilt when the placenta comes out?

How old is he?

Can he empathise? Somtimes when I am about to lose my rag of course i do lose it sometimes! I can say to DS,

"Look, love, I am sooo tired and frustrated with all this nagging..could you please go and do x (specified task) and then we can get off each other's backs and have a nice evening?" and sometimes admitting that vulnerability and clearly expressing your feelings can get him on side again

I think they all do the groaning whine (or variations on it)

I sympathise op, i have 2 teenage sons.

15 yr old is very lazy......and i mean very!!
13 yr old isnt as bad but since the day he turned 13 a few weeks ago hes gotten so stroppy!!

He's 14.

Do they all do this whine? I didn't know that.

I have tried explaining to him. Maybe one day it'll sink in? But being at his dad's every weekend doesn't help. I'm not a domestic goddess by any means but there are standards.

He's very bright and doing fantastic at school.

I wish I could get him motivated? Not just a few chores but away from screens and outside.

So you haven't found any solution either then Dee03?