14 yr old DN smoking, drinking, staying out, pubs, 18 yr olds etc

[QOD]

My bil and SIL are at their wits end with DN, for example she was due in at 9pm Friday, hadn't turned up by 11pm.
Her sis put out an APB on Facebook for her to be told to ring home, she didn't. Bil and wife went out looking and there she was, outside a pub, with the skankiest teens in town. All aged @18

They take her home,berate her, but then she's out all day with her friends, where's the punishment ?

I suggested that instead of ranting at her every time she gets in,which causes screaming rows and her storming out and repeat, they act pleased to see her.

I think she's having trouble fitting it at school. She goes to the rough school, THE school the expelled go to. She is in a massive minority, averagely bright, her parents are married, both work,2 cars, loving family, older sister at Uni, holidays abroad, nice house. From an outsiders point of view, it's like this is the only thing she can do to get street cred. Hang out late aT night outside pubs.

I'm not being fascetious by the way, every one of her friends has something in their background, single parent or abusive dad,alcoholic mum,living in b&b, parent or sibling in prison, been in care, nothing wrong (if you know what I mean) with any of that,but I lookat it and think its like she's got it all, why is she rebelling? Then wondered if THAT'S why?

What the hell can they/we do?

Ground her, remove internet and mobile.

They've done the phone and bbm Internet. They can't seem to ground her .... She's going out anyway and then they just give in.

Problem is, takin away her phone means she pulls stunts like disappearing and going to the pub ... And they don't know where she is/can't contact her.

I looked at the open Facebook profile of the 18 yr old leader of the group she was with. She has a gorgeous little baby boy, who doesn't live with her. He's about 4 months old. She'd put some status on about loving him and wishing she could be with him. A "friend" of hers said the sort of ahhhh babes whyyyy can't your boi beeee wivvvv ya

To be answered by the most vicious violent stream of vitriol about why should she tell a cunt her fucking business does she want her cutting face slashed

Nice role model dn

Make a poster with her face on it and send it to every pub in travelling distance saying she is 14 and if you see her do not serve her or anyone she is with.

Screaming matches with a drunk teen are pointless, the conversation needs to take place when she is sober.

One of my friends was behaving in a similar way when she was about this age, only with added drug use. She came home one night and foundd the door locked. She then knew she had a choice - be in ontime or find somewhere to stay. Now I know that sounds incredibly irrisponsible but I think parents of friends had been primed that she might be sleeping on their sofas, so not exactly on the street. And it is a risky stratagy with teens.

There are also the option of door and window locks - would she break a window to get out?

Sashh I like your style.

OP I think it is apparent why that girls child is not with her, I hope your family can get your niece away from these people before she ends up in the same boat.

Thanks,ladies. I am liking the poster idea a lot. The role models Facebook is just .... Eye opening. Her latest post is to someone asking for Matts phone no cos Harry wants him to bail him out.....

There's also a question from someone asking of its true O is on crack. . . . It's gets worse!!

I think the lock out thing is a back burner idea too. I suggested more school involvement in her behaviour and social services could then perhaps be pulled in, anyone really.

It's so frustrating as bil and wife are talking the talk and then we talk to them and she's out round yet another friends house!!

A lot of what kids put on facebook is not entirely the truth. They do like to embelish it a bit.
DD went through a very similiar phase when she was 14- she is 15 now and seems to be settling down- thank god. She really was unbearable for quite a while.
DD is motivated by money and going out with her friends- so i used these as bargaining tools. We set a time to be in at, agreed by all of us and if she was late then this time was brought forward by the same amount of time the next night.
We agreed that she had to do certain things to get her pocket moneyyyyor it would be with held.
Above all, she knows it is the behaviour I don't like, not her. teenage girls easily feel rejected and this can cause a downward spiral in thir behaviour.
She's not perfect but she is a lot nicer to be around than she was.

yes to involving the school, that's what we did.