All the advice needed about a 14year old coming home after 10 years! Help

[Missjt]

Hi,
I've posted here before, my son hasn't been with me since he was 4 due to some very difficult circumstances.
He is in care now and was meant to be going home to Dad, but he has checked out and is leaving the county.
It's not an option for him to stay in care, and I was so very worried about how I would step up and support my boy.
I just lost my job but have a temporary one, and now have enough money to support us in the short term.
I'm scared and worried about making this work but my son needs a parent that will be there, despite is issues and the challenges.
What do you do on a limited income, with limited parenting skills, who can I go to to get help to make sure this is a success for my son.
I'm no longer the 16 year old girl that feels lost, but I still feel alone as the only family I have is my son.
Any advice is so appreciated!

well your very brave. Ask for staggered contact, do not just let ss dump and run. They need to prepare you both for this massive change.
Have you had regular contact over the last 10 years? Has he been in fostercare all this time? Has he moved around alot?

SS are under pressure and say my son can only stay for another 3 weeks, he's been there for 2 weeks.
I've had contact the last 2 years, some weekends and he has moved a lot.
That hasn't helped but he cant stay in care and it really won't help moving abroad with dad, new GF/baby that has made him so desperately sad and angry hence his bad behaviour and attention seeking..arrested, school exclusions, he's already feeling rejected by Dad, if I reject him then what?

so ss are pushing you to have child home, quickly whom you have only seen in last two years who has clear behavioural problems and likely needs a lot of imput to deal with rejection!!
Im sorry but ss cannot force you to have him, but understand completely why you want to take him with you. Please dont run into this without thinking it though and being clear about what support and help you will need. Get it all in writing.
Can I ask why he was in care? And why suddenly ss arent worried about risk ect?

He was placed in care as hs behaviour was so bad at school, Dad works there, he was arrested for criminal damage aimed at his Dad's property.
Ultimately Dad had a new GF and baby, and son is one of 6 children and he has a misierable time at home, GF has aspergers syndrome which makes it difficult for her to process things in a reasoned manner. dad simply got on and kept making kids and isolated son with not being a part of a family unit. I wasn't there because dad emotionally bullied a very young abuse teenager who couldnt cope, that's about it.
I'm not going to run into it, and will fight for the help we need as it will fail and we will be talking to SS before we know it if they don't put the right things in pla e.

ok, so his not been in care all this time, his been with his dad since 4 and then when he kicked off at dad, he was placed in care for his behaviour. :(
poor boy.
I think as long as ss dont just dump and run and you are fully prepared that he is likely to be very angry at world and take it out on you, you will do fine. Do you have other children?
Are you in a completely different area or does he still have his friends around?

I think you need to be requesting ongoing support from SS to prepare both of you for his return home and to help you both reinstate your full time mother-son relationship. Tell them you are scared it will break down if you are not offered support. They should be able to arrange a parenting support worker or similar.

Lisad223, I'd be angry if I were my son, I understand how difficult it is when you are young and feel rejected.
I don't have any other children and that is a good thing. Im in a different area but I also think that is good.
He's got nothing but bad memories andna future of where he is, I think your right, we just need support!!

poor boy. so his dad has basically washed his hands of him?

Selks, thank you, I agree ongoing support will make all the difference. I just need to know what to ask for. Challenge is my sons SS are 100 miles from where I live and need the support where we will be.
How do you coordinate two sets of SS?

IAmBooyhoo..Yes Dad has washed his hands, I havent though! B is so angry with Dad and feels so rejected.

Before I launch myself into this I have no experience of the situation. I thnk you are very courageous. Knowing nothing about how the system works I would get in touch with your local social services and explain the situation and the request for support. Ask what they can offer and can they liaise with his area's social services, if you have a contact there all the better.
Sorry to be of little use. I'm not suprised your poor son is angry/hurt etc. I've had enough trouble with a son now 20 brought up in a bog standard 2 parent (happy) home with alot of attention!

MissJt, re the two sets of SS; I won't lie, that can make things trickier, but find out which SS is taking the lead re your child coming out of local authority care - where is the social worker based now? - and then speak with that SW about the need for continuing support and insist that if the SW needs to arrange this with SS in your area then they should do so. You may need to keep checking and following up on the progress of this happening and keep asking for it.