Probably worrying over nothing but ..... ( re my 12 yo)

[Mumof3beautifulchildren]

My DD started High school last Sep and I did post not long after she started worrying over her making friends e.t.c She has met some friends and lost friends , think they were finding their feet. And she seems to have now settled with a group BUT she never wants to see them after school or at weekends. She doesnt feel the need to see them all the time like other groups of friends do and prefers to be with her family still , I have a DD9 and DS5. She still plays out in the street with other kids slightly younger than her and prefers my other DDs best friend. She did have a couple of friends stay over one time ( who she doesn't hang around with now ) but although I ask she doesnt want anyone to come over any more. She's a beautiful , well grounded, thoughtful girl who is very happy and she is very open and tells me if things are on her mind.

Do you think I'm worrying too much over her and should I just take a step back and let her decide what she wants to do?

I must admit I am apposed to what most of the other children her age are doing i'e getting the bus into the town centre which is 40 mins away e.t.c but I'm not apposed to her having friends round to hang out. I suppose its come about because of my own insecurities I had as a child.

I also cant give her as much as I would like due to not having enough money. She gets clothes, has a phone on contrct ( not blackberry ) and has all the latest gadjets and we have a holiday each year at Centerparcs but I cant afford to give my kids pocket money each week and I feel a bit bad about it as most kids her age are getting quite a resonable sum. When I say i'm sorry I cant afford things she always says thats ok I dont want a blackberry or have what everyone else has. Shes so grown up she makes me cry !

Sorry for the ramble. xxx

Have an un mumsnetty hug and chill a bit!

"well grounded.... thoughtful.... very happy and tells me if things are on her mind"

You couldn't want for more for her could you? She doesn't have to be like the other girls and wanting what they have, she can be herself.

I have a similar, very mature physically, academically and socially, 12yr old who told me she feels "about 14" (which is what you'd think if you met her - unless she was " dressed up" when you might think she as 16- faints!).

My DD doesn't have "really good friends" at school - but floats on the outside of friendship groups because she doesn't get the "bitching for fun" that seems to be the way 12-13yr olds function.

I have the advantage that my others are 18 and 16 and I've been there before! (DD1 just lets it all wash over her TBH, DS was very bothered by all the friendship wrangling but has now settled down fine).

She sounds absolutely lovely, and simply like a girl who isn't rushing to grow up too fast..hang on to her just as she is:)

I have four children.. aged 14 -20, the older three all cheerful and reasonably 'popular' at school, but with very different approaches to out of school life. DD1 was in the 'in' crowd for want of a better description, but nevertheless never felt the need to follow the herd.. went out IF she wanted to and at 12-14 was still quietly playing with dolls and toys at home:) However she is now at university and partying with the best (and she's a medic.. they seriously know how to party )DS1 on the other hand I barely saw..and he is still the same at 19, he likes to be out with his mates at all times.

DD2 is 18 now, and we joke about how she has to make the effort to go out now and again.. she has a lovely set of friends but is genuinely content to be at home with us most of the time.. the week of her 18th she was forced to go out 3 times in one week, and at the end, she collapsed back home with a grin and said 'well that's it til after A levels finish!' She likes her home, and pjs...and her family..and I suspect will stay the same at University.

As long as your daughter is content..and she sounds to be, relax and enjoy having her with you!

Incidentally mine have never had much in the way of stuff, money etc and I too have often apologised for it.. and they tell me not to be daft! (they now all have p/t jobs etc too)

My 14 yo has just wandered up to bed having sat chatting to DH and me. She rubs along with some of the girls at school, but not to seeing them out of school level.

She has friends from guides she does see out of school, but generally she's pretty content to be with the family.

11yo sister would like to disown the lot of us

My DD is 15.5 and never sees other kids outside of school. She doesn't enjoy school particularly cos she doesn't see herself as one of the 'popular kids' (who plaster themselves with make up/look really chavvy/and have all the latest gadgets). She prefers to do extra curricular stuff which has nothing to do with school (youth theatre etc). In many ways I worry about this but at least she isn't going out and getting drunk/pregnant etc and she talks to me about most things and is open and honest. My only concern is the amount of time she spends on computer (namely Tumblr) because she regards these 'virtual friends' as her real friends. We have to police it really strictly - and she has a totally wobbly if we try to get her off it ... I would like her to go out and meet 'real' people but she just doesn't get it and I'm worried that she will never be able to form strong social relationships in the future.

Mumof3 your DD sounds lovely and very content just to be herself and do what she wants. My ds is the same age and sometimes goes into town with friends, but isn't always bothered and I worried the same as you, but then also worried when he went into town and secretly didn't want him to go!

My eldest is nearly 14 and does not see her friends week end and is a total homebird who loves to chill with us.
BrownCow -not all "popular " kids are as you described that is such a sweeping generalisation

I really wouldn't worry, but I know you probably will, because I do about my DD. She is the same age as yours, lovely, mature and thoughtful some of the time, a hormonal thoughtless individual at others.

She has never, ever been one of the popular girls at school. She flits around the outside of groups, sometimes getting in, and then being dropped. It breaks my heart, but I don't think she is really all that bothered. I know she would love to be popular (wouldn't we all!) but she is quite phlegmatic about it.

We often have girls to stay over, but then she doesn't get invited back but others do. I have tried to understand why, but it is just the way some people are.

Your DD sounds delightful and if she is happy, then that is the most important thing.

Your dd sounds like mine (also in yr 7). She doesn't have any really close friends at school although is sociable and popular. I suspect she finds the majority slightly immature (she is a very responsible grounded 12 year old). She has a pony though which means she has no real interest in friends as he comes first .

Sorry, meant to say I suspect she will make closer friends in year 9 when they've all grown up a bit!

She sounds lovely and very happy, what more could you ask for!

Try not to worry she would tell you if she had friendship problems.