Dealing with the lows /getting involved with the bf/gf relationship

[Serendipity129]

My DD is 16, just started on her first real relationship and already I am stressed by it all.

Already she is wondering if he still likes her as much and was in tears last night she was already hurt by someone last year and I hate the fact that it will inevitably happen again, I hate to see her so upset. When it's good its fine but the lows are really bad. Just part of growing up I know but I can't help getting involved, asking if he's texted, when she's seeing him just to make sure everything is OK. She confides in me a lot and needed to express her fears last night, I think she's fallen for him as just as his interest is waning.

It's horrid, no one tells you about this!

As you say she is already confiding in you, you know she will come to you if she needs you, so I think you need to back off a bit. When things are going wrong you will know about it, without needing to keep asking her has he texted etc. You sound like a lovely mum, but I think at 16, hard though it is to see them hurt, you have to see it as a learning experience for her- it may show her not to get too involved too quickly, see how things turn out and keep a balance between the relationship and the other things that are going on in her life.
Just be there with the tissues, a lot of chocolate and a listening ear if it goes go wrong and encourage her to get out that and do things with her friends.

I know what you're saying, it's really hard though, especially as a boy really hurt her feelings last year, she gave a lot of thought to this before starting the relationship after what happened. Like you say part of growing up....

My 19 year old lad has just been dumped by his girlfriend and is gutted. I'm just letting him know that I'm here if he wants to talk or just needs a cuddle. As devastated as they are, they'll get through it.

I've had 3 years of this and DS1 is only 16. He had a serious GF for 2 years from 13. That sort of fizzled out and he fell big time for another girl who dumped him at Christmas.
He always seems to go in at the deep end and is so intense.
I never get used to seeing him sobbing with a broken heart, and there is much more to come no doubt.

Oh, and I try to resist saying how unspeakable I think the girl is as he always adores them forever.

Serendipity, this is no help -I'm sorry - but I really sympathise. My DD thinks her BF is just amazingly fantastic. He'll be going to uni in the autumn while she'll still be at school and I don't imagine he'll continue to be interested in her once he has a new and (probably more exciting circle of friends) and maybe not till then anyway. I'm dreading the break-up already.

However, it's very hard to know how things will turn out with your DD and her BF. I thought my DD's BF was getting less keen, but it turned out that he was making a concerted effort to appear to be sensible to keep in my good books! You've only heard your DD's impression of how things are at the moment. I'm glad we didn't have mobile phones when I was their age. I would have found dealing with texting really difficult to handle.

I know what you mean about getting involved. Even though I have some reservations about my DD's BF, I can't help myself taking an interest in him - his application to uni, his very poorly cat who almost didn't come back from the vet etc.(He comes to ours for dinner now and again). I try not to mention him unless DD brings him up in conversation (which she frequently does). It's bad enough that she spends so much time thinking about him without me adding to it. Sometimes she says things which I know she wants me to comment on and then it's really difficult as I'm always aware that it's only her perception of things, so I might inadvertently be saying something unhelpful. All very intense.

Weemumb.... I took find myself taking an interest unfortunately I see things I don't like but that's my fault. Openly flirting on Twitter being one but I an't say anything. You can see they're heading for a fall and it's hard. I too am dreading the break up as he's using excuses about her impending exams....and being fair to her when really it's a bit of a cop out.
Very intense though, I remember being 16 too!

Well, it finally happened, he dumped her via text, saying the usual 'it's not you, it's me' crap, and I don't think I want a girlfriend at the moment. To read his twitter was a different story asking girls out for a drink etc. Unfortunately she was told by her best friend who was at the same party as him (he chose not to take DD) that he spent all evening with another girl and slept at the party and it was confirmed today something did happen that night between them. So....what a nob she unfortunately is in pieces, it being her first real bf. She asked him to call her as she wanted to challenge him about the party and lies he'd told her but he's not even man enough to do that.
The funny thing is I am so annoyed with myself as I too was fallible as he came over as being so sweet, considerate and attentive (at first) and seemed an ideal bf for her. She's so hurt and angry. It's a god thing it's happened now and not over the next few weeks, I'm seething though.

Sympathy to your DD- won't be any consolation to her at the moment, but he sounds like he turned out not to be worth crying over. Hope she bounces back quickly and moves on to someone who is worthy of such a lovely GF.