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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenagers!!!

41 replies

mrsshears · 21/04/2012 17:49

Help me out on this one wise mumsnetters.
Dd1 14 is currently driving me up the wall with her complete lack of being able to sort her life out, after a long grounding following numerous issues including running up nearly £200 worth of mobile phone bill,she is now allowed out again after paying off the bill on the condition that she uses her £5 pocket money every other week for credit and if she has no credit she can't go out,she is welcome to use the landline to call her friends at home but the mobile is really just for emergency contact purposes really.
This is being done in an effort to make her realise responsibility and money management/budgeting.
So today dd tells me she is going to her friends house,i say fine but be back at 16.00 because she is going out for dinner later and needs to get ready etc,all sorted,until half past 3 when dh gets a call saying "i'm in town and can't get home til 4.30" dh say's "no you were told 4.00 and you need to be back for then".
Dd say's "well you need to come and collect me then" which dh did (i was not around at the time and would not have let dh do this had i have known).
Dh then get's bombarded with texts the whole journey "where are you" "how long" etc, when dd and dh get home i check her phone for credit (which is an agreed thing) to find she only has 5p left after 5 day's!!
I'm really annoyed that A) she went into town without saying and didn't manage her time either.
B) she has messed dh around
and C) she has no credit left.

Dh say's that all teenagers are the same and this is just what they do,i just can't accept that, it's almost saying "well let's just let her do these things because she is a teenager"
I appreciate these things are not the crime of the centuary but it's wearing me down that this is how she is all the time!!
Aibu to expect otherwise??

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 21/04/2012 17:56

My mum could have written this when I was 14 Grin

Except my bill was £550 Shock

Sposh · 21/04/2012 17:59

Firstly I'd be getting her a rolling PAYGO contract for her phone. Dd1(15) has one because she also ran up a huge mobile bill on an ordinary contract. She pays £10 a month and gets unlimited texts/internet and then uses the £10 for calls (lasts about three days Hmm When the month is up she can't use the phone again until it is topped up but as soon as she pays then the same rules apply.

Ignore nagging texts, especially when driving!

I wouldn't be worried about her being in town unless you had specifically told her not to go into town. My 15yr old has a free reign to do what she likes on the weekends she usually comes home when she's hungry enough.

BonkeyMollocks · 21/04/2012 18:00

I think you need to have a word with her about rules.

If you expect her home at 4 then she should be home at 4 otherwise there will be consequences. Maybe tell her she can't go out the day after, or take the phone away for the night.

Credit is her problem really. If she has no credit then she will soon get pissed off with not being able to use her phone. Soon enough she will realise that she needs to be more sensible with it, as long as you don't help her out!

Also talk to your dh and tell him to stop being a plank and back you up!

Original poster
mrsshears · 21/04/2012 18:48

Thanks everyone
sposh i could not find a capped contract anywhere for dd also when she had a phone which she was able to text call as often as she wanted everything else went by the wayside,homework included.

So you don't think IBU to expect this to change and not just accept it as normal teenage behaviour as dh says?

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 21/04/2012 19:03

You could get her a £10 contract at Tesco which will cap her usage at £10. It can include 5000 texts and 250 minutes of calls.

For the rest... ?

dementedma · 21/04/2012 19:06

I think you need to decide what your rules are - ones that both you and DH agree to - and then stick to them. Also, don't sweat the small stuff. Decide what is really important and enforce that. I never had any problem with the DDs and phones, but was always rigid on agreed times to be home, and on being notified well in advance if it looked like there was going to be a delay.
If her phone is out of credit she will get pissed off soon enough. Most, maybe all phones allow an emergency call even if out of credit so you don't need to worry.
Stay as chilled as possible - so far none of what you say is major and you sound like you are doing a good job. In your scenario, I wouldn't have gone to collect her and nor would I have moved the dinner time back. She just would have had less time to get ready as a result of being late. If she wasn't ready in time, I would have gone out to dinner without her.

ragged · 21/04/2012 19:09

vodaphone has a deal where one person pays £5/month and everyone else named on that network (up to 3 others) can phone each other for free (I think?). Basically means they can never use the excuse "I'm out of credit".
And would make it easier to limit what else credit she has access to. Must be similar on other networks.

You could look at one of the phone packages (again I know Vodaphone Freebies best) where they get a lot of texts & airtime for £10/month. Wouldn't have run out in 5 days, anyway; just saying check if you can get a better package, too. Reduce your battle fronts.

Mythical · 21/04/2012 19:10

would something like this work?

link

Oh, and YANBU!

bruffin · 21/04/2012 19:22

The first thing I did when I got dcs phones was get contacts that could be capped at zero credit.
Went with 3 because we all have 3 phones and we get 2000 free to 3 minutes. They never have the excuse of no minutes to ring us and the can't ring up huge bills.

BellaVita · 21/04/2012 19:31

Does she only get £5 a week pocket money?

If so, then I don't think this is enough for a 14 year old who is expected to pay £5 every other week for a top up.

DS1 gets £10 a week (he will be 15 in June and will get a rise then).

You need to start picking your battles too.

I think it is hugely harsh to say she cannot go out if she hasn't got any credit - blimey when I was 14 there wasn't any mobile phones.

MNHQ
RebeccaMumsnet · 21/04/2012 20:24

Hi there,

We have moved this thread to Teenagers now.

Best wishes
MNHQ

mumeeee · 21/04/2012 20:58

DD3 is now 20 and she often used to run out of credit. She is now with Giffgaff she pays £10 a month gets unlimited texts and Internet and 250 calls a month. It's like PAYG but has to be topped up online.

mumeeee · 21/04/2012 21:02

Oh forgot to say I agree with Bellavilla you should pick your battles and it is harsh not to let her go out if she hasn't got any credit.

BellaVita · 21/04/2012 21:12

Mumeeee, both my boys are just about to go on Giffgaff.

flow4 · 22/04/2012 00:21

I had more conflict over phone credit than anything else, when my eldest was that age. In the end, I decided I wanted him always to be able to contact me, so I would pay for it. I am on a contract and I got an 'add on'/secondary contract for him - unlimited texts and 500mins - for a tenner a month. I think it's a small price to pay for making sure he can always contact me it he needs to, and he never has any excuse for not responding to me, or not letting me know where he is... :)

insanityscratching · 22/04/2012 15:08

I think you are a bit mean on the pocket money tbh that's how much I got at 14 thirty odd years ago Blush It's pretty impossible to budget if you don't have enough money in the first place. Have you asked around her friends' parents to see what is the average rate? Dd and her friends got more or less the same but it was a lot more than your dd.
I do think you need to make rules you and dh agree together as if she senses differing opinions she'll home in on it and tear you apart.
I'd have done the same as dementedma in your situation tbh, mind you dd would have known I would and would have ensured she was back on time or she'd have been making her own dinner.
I don't think she needs to be grounded if she hasn't got credit though do you? Chances are one of her friends will have credit for a text and you can phone her if you need her.
Choose your battles like your dh says it doesn't sound like she's going off the rails just teenage scattyness.

Calamityboo · 22/04/2012 15:18

Hi mrs I have a 14 yr old as well, I got him a cheap contract from tesco sorry not sure if that broke advertising rules??? It is £10 per month capped, he gets 100 mins talk time, 5000 texts and 1gb of internet. It is a 2 year contract though, which I pay and give him less pocket money in return. Apart from that, the rest is I think just down to the fact that at 14 our DC's know everything, are always right, and they know for a fact that as parents we are stupid and need to be told everything as loudly and as often as possible.

SecretSquirrels · 22/04/2012 15:31

I think probably she did the right thing by ringing you to say she would be half an hour late? Was the time so crucial to "get ready" for going out later?
My 14 year old gets £15 per month cash and I pay for a sim only contract with tesco for £6 per month. He gets unlimited texts and 60mins calls a month but no mobile internet use.
So if your DD gets £5 a week pocket money I guess that works out the same.
Texting instated of homework is a bit of a red herring. You have to make house rules and stick to them.

usualsuspect · 22/04/2012 15:36

Get her a Giff Gaff sim , and ringing to say she would be half an hour late is ok in my book.
Not letting her out without credit seems a bit odd though. We never even had a house phone let alone mobiles in my day Grin

Original poster
mrsshears · 22/04/2012 15:52

Thanks for all your replies.
I will have to agree to disagree with posters saying it was ok for dd to ring and say she was going to be late when she had been told before she left no later than 4 and she also didnt ask/say she was going into town anyway,i thought she was at her friends house as thats where she said she would be, maybe i'm a bit old school but if she is told a time to be in that is the time she should be in imo.
I was unsure about the level of pocket money myself but as dd is my eldest i wasn't really sure what the going rate is? i'm really keen for dd to learn to manage her money as i see this as a life skill,my parents taught me to spend wisely and budget and i really want the same for my dd,that was part of the idea of dd using her pocket money to put her own credit on.

OP posts:
BellaVita · 22/04/2012 16:09

A 14yr old needs more than a fiver a week though.

I also agree with others that ringing to say she was going to be late is better than no phone call at.

mumeeee · 22/04/2012 16:11

Mrsshears what time did she need to leave to go out to dinner? At least she phoned to say she was going to be late. We all get stuck sometimes and are late getting somewhere.

mumeeee · 22/04/2012 16:13

Oh just another thought none of my DDs had mobile phones at 14 but they knew how to use a phone box.

AnyFucker · 22/04/2012 16:15

I am not condoning what she did, but this really is normal teenage behaviour

honestly

unless my own dd is not normal...she is 16 and we battle with this kind of boundary-pushing behaviour every single day

don't expect it to get better any time soon...teenagers do not follow the rules of normal, sorted behaviour I am afraid

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 22/04/2012 16:40

Phone... switch to Giffgaff... seriously.. for £10 a month she can have unlimited texts , 250 min unlimited internet. I switched my kids after my DS1 ran up a couple of £200 phone bills on contract...

The rest, sadly is quite normal. Teens are selfish.. not horrible (tho they can be!) but they don't consider others the way they did when they were nice 10 yr olds and how they will when they are 25.:D I would expect an apologetic call if my kids were going to be a bit late.. but it is pretty normal.

She needs more money that £5 a week.. even if you give her jobs so that she earns it (mine had a cleaning rota at that age.. I think they got £10 a week a few years ago, but the bathroom/kitchen etc had to be spotless and it was cheaper than paying a cleaner...:D)