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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage Independence

24 replies

BB75 · 18/04/2012 16:22

Hello.My oldest daughter turns 13 next month, I work three days a week and she currently gets picked up from school by a childminder and stays with her for a couple of hours before I return from work. I think it's time to let her come home by herself but am slightly nervous about it however she is very smart and confident? Is it time to give her some independence?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 18/04/2012 16:23

Yes

ShirtyKnot · 18/04/2012 16:24

Yes

crazynanna · 18/04/2012 16:25

Yes
My 13yo comes home and waits for me to return from work...no problem

Snorbs · 18/04/2012 16:30

Yes. Have a chat first about the rules - eg, no friends over without prior permission, don't wander off, what to do in an emergency etc - but she should be fine. My 13yo son has been doing this a couple of times a week for a while now and he enjoys the time by himself without having his little sister around bugging him.

Original poster
BB75 · 18/04/2012 16:36

Thank you, it makes me feel much better about it. She will have rules to stick to and I think it will make her feel a little more responsible and grown up. Now I just to give notice to the childminder!

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 18/04/2012 17:10

Yes let her come home or waittill after her birthday if it makes you feel better about it , but im sure she will be fine for a few hours , as long as she has the rules and your contact she should enjoy a few hours by herself , and will your childminder take her for much longer around where i am the Minders dont really have children over 13 ,

supernannyisace · 18/04/2012 17:12

Yes definitely.

Original poster
BB75 · 18/04/2012 17:32

My childminder is happy to have her but then again she gets paid quite a bit for half terms and holidays!

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 18/04/2012 17:44

I spose she does get paid but i havnt seen minders with older kids when out n about in the holidays , I cant see what harm it would do and maybe have your minder for the summer holidays if you dont want her on her own all day ,

Clownsarescary · 18/04/2012 17:50

Both mine were coming home in year 7, albeit no busy roads etc.

LineRunner · 18/04/2012 17:51

Yes.

supernannyisace · 18/04/2012 18:01

To add - that DS and a few of his friends attend the grammar school which is a bus ride away -and they all did that from age 11. It is not a school bus - just the regular bus.

I think your DD might appreciate being treated as an adult. That couple of hours on her own in an afternoon will be great for her to do her own thing.

What does DD say about it? Does she want to get home alone?

usualsuspect · 18/04/2012 18:03

Don't most secondary school age children make their own way home from school?

Original poster
BB75 · 18/04/2012 18:43

I see quite a few getting dropped off/picked up. I did bring it up with my childminder before and she was like oh God, you can't do that, she can't be home by herself, what if something happens etc which made me feel guilty but I'm going to go for it this time, she can start the week after her birthday. DD is most definitely happy to do it!

OP posts:
2fedup · 18/04/2012 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 18/04/2012 19:35

I don't know anyone around here whose child goes to a childminder after they've started secondary. They also go on shopping expeditions on their own or with mates and are generally quite independent.

KeepOrfThemCarbs · 18/04/2012 19:38

I also don't know anyone whose secondary aged children go to a childminder. I could see the point in Year 7, but not now she is 13. She will be fine on her own at home.

wishiwasonholiday · 18/04/2012 19:40

I mind a 12 year old and will carry on til mum is happy to leave him alone. If you want her to have more independence could she walk home to the childminder for a while to see how it goes (she should get your written permission and have an independent arrival/departure policy just to say what she'd do if she didn't turn up for any reason), and also she should maybe double check with her insurance, maybe see how that goes for a month or so?

If that's not possible I'd give her a chance and if it doesn't work out you could try the other option? Or leave her at the childminders a bit longer?

mathanxiety · 18/04/2012 19:41

What does she want herself?

Original poster
BB75 · 18/04/2012 19:43

She wants to come home by herself which I am now happy for her to do. Thanks for all the advice!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 18/04/2012 19:43

whoops should read posts more carefully

mumeeee · 18/04/2012 23:22

DD1 was coming home by herself when she started year 7. Her school finished before the primary school. So she had a key and would let herself in. Sometimes she would only be on her own for half an hour but it was longer if I had shopping to do.

BackforGood · 20/04/2012 17:58

Yes, of course. Most dc are ready for this at 11, in Yr7.

tantrumsandballoons · 20/04/2012 18:01

God yes, my DCs have been coming home on their own since yr7

Doesn't she feel embarresed to have a child minder at 13?

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