Used my credit card to top up phone, lying text messages...HELP!!!

[febel]

Hi, my 14 year old daughter has hit us with another problem, if you can call it that. Have discovered today that she has used my debit card to top up her phone over a fortnight to the tune of £60 (in £10 sums) It is an account I dont use much so hadn't noticed. She obviously is both upset I've found out and upset she will have to pay it back. She did it the month before on my credit card to the tune of £50..but I think we didn't find out about that until after she has used the debit card too...don't think she realised they were different, and she certainly hasn't done it since. She just keeps saying the debit card entries aren't hers but I think she just doesn't realise how much money she wasted, and I've checked with tesco and the moeny went on HER mobile.
The other worm in the pie, as it were, was that as I decided to check through her phone as she seems to be wiping her texts..and we have had trouble before with her over her mobile and texts and a 18 year old but I won't go into that now. However, now I find that she STILL seems unable to stop lying..she has told one lad she likes that her dad and I are getting a divorce and she has to go on the pill...both patently untrue, well I know the first is, not sure about the second cos can she do that with out my knowledge? can I add she has a boyfriend and he is NOT the lad she is flirting with and telling these lies to...this lad she went out with for a week or so when her and boyfriend had finished (they are now going back out) but it all folded ( thank god cos he had sent her photos of him with his FULLY erect penis..which I saw)
I don't know what to do, she seems unable to stop lying to us, and other people now too I find. She has two older sisters of 20 and 22(but at uni, one lives at home and one away) , is a bright girl, doing well at school etc. Doesn't seem to want to have friends round ever, except boyfriend. Why is she lying so much?

It's a sad truth, but many (not all) teenagers lie - and sometimes steal - until they are blue in the face! They just seem to think they have some sort of entitlement of help themselves and lie about it afterwards. I know, I have one of them!

You are making her pay it back, which is the first thing. I then think you may have to change your pin numbers (does she need these for her top ups, I presume she does) and never let her know the new ones. The only way I could stop ds2 from helping himself to whatever he wanted was to never leave access to cash around and help him get a Saturday job!

With regard to her texting - really not sure what to suggest - just hope that she doesn't continue to see the boyfriend with photos of his bits on her phone anymore - eeww!!

The lying will probably continue for a good few years yet I'm afraid.

My reaction would probably be that she isn't showing enough maturity to have a phone at this point (messages, stealing money to top it up etc) and will loose it until she can show she is ready for it. Part of that would be for her to pay back what she owes. As for the lying about whether she did it. I don't ask, I tell what I know and what needs to happen.

Sounds like she also needs to get involved in something. Our kids are required to do a sport, it keeps them busy.

She WILL be paying it all back. She has had a phone for while and the stealing I think was becasue of a boy (what else)...too many texts etc cos the trouble is we find a lot of kids have their phones and usage paid for by parents on contract so get a lot more time and texts than she does on pay as you go...which she runs..the same as her elder sisters did.
Re the involved in something, she does quite a lot ...rowing on Weds, helps at brownies on Thurs, goes to music group Sat morning and music lessons Thurs eve. Don't think she could cope with lot more, on top of paper round (mind you, tht is recent and only takes 15-20 mins tops) My other two weren't like her so it's come as a rude shock...every week seems to bring another challenge (this weeks is an invite to a party at someones house, and yes there may be alcohol but..get this..she has assurred me IF she had a drink it would only be WKD!) Where did I go wrong..makes me want to move to rural France and keep her out of trouble until at least 16, preferabley 18!

In my opinion! She is lying as she has two conflicting interests. Wanting to be liked by peers with the fear of missing out and two not to disappoint you and so is determined to not take responsibility. Hang in there, hold your nerve and keep sending the same consistent message. The one thing you have in your favour is knowing that her phone - at this moment in her life - is her life line, so it's your biggest tool to use. My DD really thought about doing things twice when I threatened (and did) cut her phone off. It's the only consequence she recognised. Word of warning use it only for serious battles, keep the non use of it to a minimum amount of time ( that's all it takes) and get a good phone contract. I can phone up my kids phone contract and say cut off the Internet for three days. Change your pin and keep it secret. Good luck!

Can I make a suggestion? Once you decide she is fit to have the phone back, if you do decide to take it in the first place-look into getting her a different SIM card, as you can get ones with unlimited free texts and so many free minutes, but on PAYG (not explaining that well!)

Mine is 02. I top up £20 a month for my blackberry. I've got deals in it so as soon as I top up (well, on my anniversary date, so the date I first topped it up-mine has been done for the day after payday) I put the £20 straight on, it then takes £5 from my balance and I get unlimited free texts, £5 off and unlimited internet, another £5 and it's something like 300 minutes, and the last £5 is because I pay for blackberry messenger. So, I can always use facebook, twitter etc on my phone, can text as much as I like, and I actually never use my full free minutes. Is it worth doing this for DD's phone so she can always text, you know she can always text YOU if necessary when out (even if it's a 'mum ring me please' text, she can get hold of you) and it will stop her running out of credit-remember being a teenager and how annoyed you were when you couldnt text a boy back!

I presume other networks do the same thing as well, so doesn't have to be 02.

thanks will look at phone thing. thanks to everyone too for support...is so difficult to know if you doing the right thing these days. She very thick with boyfriend too and this worries me, mainly cos her sisters again didn't hang around with their boyfriends one day every weekend..and in preference to friends or anything else. Goodness...why can't they go from around 10 to 20 in one big leap without all the traumatic teenage years in between?!