Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Threatening FM message from DS

12 replies

Elie11 · 06/04/2012 20:26

Oldest DS, 20s, has just sent a toxic, highly threatening FM message to DS2. Explicit language, violent threats. Background is history of MH issues, including suicide attempts, leaving home and aggressive, even defamatory communications with third parties. Lots and lots of problems - police, too, have been involved.

Over past months, just as we thought things had gone quiet, this DS has been meeting youngest DS, still at school, off the train and trying to entice him to live with him. We don't exactly know where DS is living but we think not far away. DS 2, foolishly perhaps, let on to DS3 where he's at Uni.

All in all, feeling shaky, very worried and waiting for DH to come back from work to talk this through. Gut instinct is that the level of aggression in the message, which was out of the blue according to DS2, warrants asking the police to find him and, at the very least, caution him.

Worried for younger kids - in particular DS still at home all year round and for myself. DS3 has spoken, to others, in past of violent fantasies towards me but this is the first time, for a long time, I've seen anything quite so malevolent and aimed at all of us.

Sorry - I know this is a lot to take in but any support right now would be so welcome.

OP posts:
ragged · 06/04/2012 20:34

FM? FB?
Could you get a restraining order against the eldest? Disclaimer: I dunno what all repercussions there might be in doing that.

Elie11 · 06/04/2012 20:35

Thanks ragged - sorry, I meant FB. DS2 showed it to me - reluctantly, knowing I'd be shocked. Your suggestion is worth thinking about - could discuss with police? What hell this is ....

OP posts:
LeBOF · 06/04/2012 20:35

I'm a bit confused- your eldest son is threatening the two youngest sons?

I would speak to your husband and contact the police or emergency mental health team, I think. It all sounds very stressful.

LeBOF · 06/04/2012 20:36

If its facebook, take a screenshot of the message for evidence.

changeforthebetter · 06/04/2012 20:37

It sounds like your gut instinct about the police is sound.

Talking honestly to your other DSs about mental illness and your worries. If you frame them as your "worries" it takes responsibility from them. Sorry, if that sounds patronising it really isn't meant to be - I really hope you can find a way through this.

Elie11 · 06/04/2012 20:49

Thanks all - yes, the oldest DS has made violent (very) threats in this FB message towards his siblings.

He's made threats before against DH and me but this is the first time he's targeted his anger so clearly at his siblings. I don't want to sound defensive - but honestly, he never knew anything expect love and kindness. Things went awry a few years ago after close family bereavements and from thereonin his behaviour went down and down.

I take your point, change, and yes I do present my worries as just that - in fact, to DS2's credit, he hasn't shown the FB message to his younger brother.

Just mentioned it.

My kids know something (a little anyway) about DS3's MH history but they don't see things quite as DH and I do. They're angry and want him out of their lives. Perhaps it's just parents who realise that no matter the provocation, our kids will always be, somehow, our responsibility.

Feeling freaked out by this, though. Thanks again.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/04/2012 21:04

What an awful situation for you all.

I think you need to call the police. You can't take risks here. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

EmmaCate · 06/04/2012 21:19

You keep talking about DS3's MH issues but I thought it was the eldest, ie. DS, that was threatening the two youngest. Would you clarify? Sorry if I'm misreading.

I hope the police are empowered by the FB message to do something. It is a bit scary; people who have MH issues are loose cannons & even if they're dear to you, you need some degree of protection.

Elie11 · 06/04/2012 21:30

Sorry, Emma. Yes, it's DS1 I'm talking about. I'm making careless mistakes here - still very shaken by the message and aghast that my other kids are potential targets of DS1's anger. Whatever is going on in his life, he shouldn't be targeting his younger brothers.

Will definitely, but of course unhappily, be taking this to the police.

OP posts:
silver73 · 06/04/2012 22:22

Elie I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.

ragged · 07/04/2012 09:27

Have you phoned police? I think restraining orders can be issued fairly quickly (as in a few days, maybe hours). Magistrates or judges or whoever are on call for this kind of thing (& warrants).

What does your DH think?
Sorry you're reading this, but safety first & look into what you might do to support your DS1 to get better second. I have a gut feeling he's got a treatable mental health problem, but he's got to recognise that.
Good luck.

Bossybritches22 · 07/04/2012 09:34

Second taking a screen shot of message & then block him from contact as soon as possible ( take advice from the police they may want to keep channels open for a while)

MH is such a worry for a family I know having had a brother who is Bi-Polar. No matter how they behave you still love & worry about them.

You are totally doing the right thing for your eldest son and the rest of the family, he needs help and restraint.

Un - MN hugs for you all. Good luck.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page