Teenager with control issues

[lorry1]

I am at my wits end! My teenage daughter has always had a very forceful personality. This has developed into behaviour that is intolerable for myself, her siblings and her step father. My marriage is on the point of collapse because my husband finds her behaviour and my attitude towards it, unacceptable. (he feels I don't deal with it).
yesterday it came to a head. She didn't get her own way over something relatively trivial and all hell broke loose. She walked away with a piece of rope threatening to kill herself, (at no point did I actually think she meant it), on returning half an hour later, she began an argument with me in which she became violent and aggressive and genuinely frightened me. She is a big strong girl and can completely dominate me.
I have been to the GP this morning who will refer us to counselling as a family with her mental health issues as the catalyst.
Has anyone out there had similar experiences? I really need some advise before I crumble.

I'm not sure I can give you advice as I am in a similar situation, I can only give you words of support and tell you you are not alone. DD is 5'8 and heavier than me, I'm only 5'3 and she regularly used her size to intimidate me. It progressed to actual assault, and she endedupbeing arrested as social worker phoned in the middle of one of her rages and called the police. Being frightened of your DD is a horrible place to be.
I was told not to raise my voice or retaliate, but to calmly tell her her behaviour was unacceptable and walk away. If you follow them, it can make them feel cornered and more likely to lash out. If things became physical, we were told to phone the police. Oh God, that was so hard to do, but we hadn't a choice.
She sounds a very angry unhappy girl who needs help, it may be worth discussing with your GP whether a referral to adolescent mental health service might be needed. Is her dad still in contact? If so and you have a reasonable relationship, it might be worth discussing with him , plus allowing you to have a break.

good advice brightspark1. just to add lorry1, I empathise, and it feels like hell. My DS threatened me with a knife several times, and would deliberately barge me out of the way, when he was angry. I ended up screaming that I would call the police if he came closer - very melodramatic, but I honestly felt I had no choice. I was frightened for myself and my DD (9 at the time) This was enough to stop things escalating to real violence each time.

Is she ok with you when she calms down? Possible to tell her how you felt? Always give reassurance that she is loved, however hard it is to say it. - my mantra often has to be "I am the adult" even when I want to be a child and be looked after! You're not alone.

She is very apologetic after the event. what's worse is the fact that I don't have any control...she has it all! My five year old DD has witnessed this behaviour...what message is it giving her?
In answer to your question...her dad has refused to have her stay with him for a while(which was my request) though we have discussed it and he has talked to her.
Thanks for your supportive comments

I think you're right - it does feel like a battle for control - and I guess that that's an inevitable part of growing up - just a shame that they have to do it so physically and aggressively.

I hate my young DD witnessing all the arguments and violence - she actually says "huh teeenagers eh?" but now says "when I'm a teenager I'll be like that won't I".

I fear that she will be even worse!!
But you are right to seek help - you are in charge even if it doesn't feel like it.