Help Son of 16 yrs stealing & internet fraud. What's best way to handle

[emotionalgymnastics]

My Son is on slippery slope to scum. Over the last x3 yrs Ran the house phone bill up, downloaded hard core porn, music, films & games. Banned from Asda for being with shoplifters. Banned from Debenhams for breaking the lift. Banned from Wilkinsons for actual shop lifting charged £90.00. Bike wheels stolen on night of arrest from his new Barracuda costing £80.00 each. All night house party with out permission damage to the house. Smoking cigarettes. Smoking weed. Stealing my cash. Stealing food. Stealing alcohol. Sneaking onto Xbox & computer in the middle of the night. Skiving off school, Skiving off college. Kicked out of college so no A levels & we lost benefits. Borrowed £80.00 could,nt pay it back. Last month arrested for Pocession with intent to deal, resisting arrest & actual injury to a police officer. Had to pay drug dealer £100.00 back. Ran up a £135.00 mobile bill .Yesterday found out he's opened accounts on web & bought just under £300.00 worth of stuff useing his retired disabled Grand Mother's card details. Until x3 years ago My Son was a wonderful human being. Now he is behaving like scum. He has been fully grounded, keys removed, pocket money stopped, computer removed & lost some good friends. I have had to asppologise to Mum & warn friends not to leave thier bank cards out if he ever goes round again. I've gone to hell in a hand bag & have no idea what else to do. Is this really what we just have to put up with in the 21st Century. They all need a damned good shake & sharp shock. Gob smacked not sure how to handle this for the best, how do I get my Son back ? Suggestions needed.

God that's awful.
I don't know what to say...I would want him as far away from me as possible, but then where would he end up?
Did the police take no action against him?

I don't know if it will help in the longer term, but I pay £35 a week for my DS (see previous post for his misdememours) to have counselling. We are "middle class" and I work in childrens services, so I know we don't qualify for any support, or it will take so long to be referred etc, so we bite the bullet and pay. He says it is good to talk to someone non judgemental about his feelings etc. It is early days yet, so I don't know what the long term effect if any will be.

Might be worth considering. It is very hard to try to reason with someone who just doesn't see things the way you do, and the emotional stuff gets in the way when mum and son try to sort it out.
no answers, but just to say you didn't cause this, and its not your fault. Also, he will probably come back to you - he just needs to mature and reflect on where he's at - and that could be helped by an independent counsellor- maybe.

Has he/you got any support services, or is there any 'intervention' in place? I agree it's too much to deal with alone.

LOL at "hell in a handbag".

Scum is a horrible thing to call anyone.

I think the counselling is an excellent idea.

Your son needs to grow up and recognise right from wrong. It might be difficult for him to do so in his currrent peer group (too many drugs and feevin innnit). If it was me I would want to get him away from his peer group. But I'm not sure how easy that will be.

Could you afford to buy him a Eurorail ticket so he can have 6 months travelling, seeing Europe and generally growing up (you will need to finacially support him during his travels too)?

But heck. Don't lose faith in him. Lots of people make mistakes in youth and grow up to be upright, useful, caring friends and loved-ones.

counselling would be a good idea.
What about seeing GP to geta referral to for counselling and CAMHS.
Do you know if anything happend 3 years ago to cause this change?

A big thank you to all, your input has been extremely supportive and most helpful. Many family meetings, lots of clear, truthful conversations, tears and cuddles later we now understand that exposure to too much too soon, immaturity and peer pressure have led to this most unfortunate state of affairs. He now understands the full consequences of his actions and is horrified at his own behaviour and very remorsful, alot has been learnt.

A couple of months of major grounding, computer removed and hard physical graft every week clearing his Grandmothers garden to repay his debt, he now appreciates that we have to work hard for the money we all need to survive. I have been teaching him how to cook, clean, run a home and started to show him how house hold accounts really work in a world that is ever changing and creates the need for a very tight budget at present.

It is rediculous that our government have made it almost impossible for youngsters to work part time so that they learn the true values and benefits of earning money not taking it or expecting others just to give it. "Moan over"

oh and I forgot to say extra money has been put aside each month for social things he wants to do, plus a lump sum for travelling when he is eighteen to look forward to providing he sticks to the straight & narrow where his behaviour can adversly affect others is conserned.

Swed - buy him a Eurorail ticket? 6 months travelling? Are you feeling alright?

He is behaving like a little toerag and you owe him nothing, OP. Especially not continental jollies funded by the bank of mum and dad.

Get in contact with your local juvenile police team and social services- they'd be the best people to help you. Do you have any younger siblings in the house?