Help please - 15yo niece - dilemma -

[phdlife]

My 15yo niece has been self-destructing over past couple of months - it's a long and harrowing story - she is currently living with a 17yo boy at his parents' home. Neither his mother nor his guardian (grandma) are happy with this but accepting it rather than let her go onto street as she refuses to go home (because her parents won't let her drink, smoke and sleep around in front of their younger child). They have both told Dsis that DN is smoking, drinking heaps, and sleeping with the boy - except for the other night when she decided to spend the night with her ex, thus deeply upsetting the 'current' bf.

DN does not currently have a phone; she is on anti-depressants (for PTSD) that should not be mixed with alcohol and which knock her out at night; she has no money; although she's assured the boy's family that she won't fall pg as she has an implant and he uses condoms anyway, to her parents she insists she isn't drinking or sleeping with him and is livid they dare 'assume' these behaviors are taking place. (She doesn't know the boy's family have been in touch).

Now DN wants to go away for the weekend with this lad and his friends, mainly older, who form a youth scene of hanging out in the city centre at all hours, public drinking, drugs, and generally being in trouble with police. 20 of them are going to camp on a beach 4hrs drive away; the lad only got his license today but has the loan of a BMW.

DN has asked her parents (by text) if she can go. Dsis's first response was "we do not give permission" and that if DN went they would have to get authorities involved for her own safety - DSis is not only frightened for DN's safety but also worried about the consequences of being seen by the authorities to 'allow' DN to break so many laws (underage drinking, underage sex, etc).

On the one hand, Dsis realises that calling the police and dobbing her daughter in will destroy what's left of relationship with DN; on the other hand, how can she in good conscience let DN go ahead without objecting? Or is she just supposed to object and then let them get on with it, hoping they don't get a call?

She sounds just like my sister was at that age. Your sis needs to nip this in the bud asap, or trust me it will not end well.

My advice, tell your sis to call her DD and say "I would rather you not go because I worry about you, I just want you to be safe. But If [BF's parents] are happy for him to go, and you promise to be careful I suppose it is okay"

Insist on knowing exactly where they are going, for safety reasons.
and ask to be texted all the time to let her know that she is safe.

Then when she knows that she is there make an 'anonymous' call to the police about a large group of underage teenagers drunk and partying on the beach.
she can even pretend to be a dog walker that spotted them.
Tell her to make it clear that there pacifical was a very young looking girl that she is particularly concerned about, because she looked very 'out of it'

She wants to call because there needs to be no evidence that she gave permission.

When the police bring her home pretend you know nothing about the call to the police ext.

in the end DN decided not to go but went back to her ex-BF's house; he wanted to go out; she OD'd on her anti-depressants (not actually very dangerous) and ended up on an emergency psych ward. On the downside she's immediately fallen in with the smart-arse crowd who are teaching her all the tricks to get smokes (and who knows what else) without the staff noticing; on the plus side she will be reported to the authorities for going to live with that boy against her parents' wishes, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

god I am feeling so sorry for my dsis, BiL and dnephew right now.