Are we doing the right thing?

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Ds is 15 and in yr11. He is failing his accountancy and he hates it. He has asked to drop it so he can concentrate on his other subjects. This would be 6hrs supervised study per week. After a lot of arguing and shouting we have agreed and school are also fine with this but is it right to just let him give up?

His teachers say that the ability is there but not the application. It is lack of desire and effort that has led to this and I'm not sure it is a good idea to let him think he can just quit something because it's a bit hard.

I can't stand the rows any more either and just feel a bit worn down. Does anyone have any opinions on this. Is this the right thing to do or should we make him stick it out even though he will fail?

If he doesn't want to do it then there is little point in trying to force him - it will be a waste of time for him and continued stress for you. I have similar issues - see my post last night - I am beginning to wonder if maintaining a good relationship with your teenager is the most important thing - even if it goes against the grain of what you instinctively feel is "right". Even though we are not "that old" !, it is a very different world now, and the pressures and opportunities are very different to what we had to negotiate. I mean the world is harder and more complicated than when we were teenagers, and therefore, being there for them is actually paramount. Not to say, let them give up and do what they want, but, in this case, I think I would try to let that go, concentrate on what he is doing, and discuss the benefits of making positive decisions for a good reason - which is what he has done. You now need to try not to look back but look for the positives of this situation - more time to concentrate on what he does want to do.

How long has he been doing the course op?
I think if he has kept at it for a while but it's not going any where, I would be ok with him dropping it.
It's really hard because obviously you want to teach them they must be responsible for their own choices and in life, you can't just walk away if you don't like something but the GCSE years are hard, and to be failing in a subject he doesn't want to do and then dropping it and achieving good grades in the other subjects is a fair trade off IMHO

I think under the circumstances, he will be able to better focus on his other GCSEs and potentially get better grades on those, instead of trying to catch up with one he cannot apply himself to. I know it seems to go against the grain to let him give up on something hard, but it does seem to be in his best interests here.

I would insist the 6 hours supervised study he gains at school does not replace 6 hours homework out of school - ie that he does extra revision instead of thinking he has got homework done at school.

You say you have already agreed to let him drop the subject, so I assume you want to feel this was the right decision.

I guess its down to what sort of teenager he is. Does he normally work hard at things or give up at the first hurdle. Is he doing a reasonable number of exams and giving the rest of them a fair shot. Accountancy is a marmite subject - you either like it and "get" it, or hate, hate it.

He is 15 and so is reasonably able to think for himself, and if he is expected to manage his life must be listened to when its a serious issue. I have a DD of same age and she is very pragmatic, organised but very self determining.

If your son has given you a reasoned cogent argument why he should give up accountancy and has assured you he is working hard on other subjects then I think that it is probably the best thing to do.

It's a balancing act isn't it:

You don't want to raise the kind of person who gives up at the first hurdle.

On the other hand, you don't want to raise the kind of person who sticks at a job for which he is unsuited (or an unhappy marriage) for 50 years because he has never acquired the skill of calling it a day.

In the present circumstances, I'd say the latter is probably more of a risk. Very shortly he will be choosing his career. It's very important that he chooses something he can actually bear doing. I'd treat this as another learning tool and let him drop it.

Oh my goodness. I was on the school run and now I have an eye test. So sorry.

I will be back in an hour and will read everything. Thankyou for replying.

Right I'm back and thank you again for all the replies. It's good to know that you don't think this is a terrible thing to do.

He's usually pretty focused when he wants to do something. He improved his French marks from an F to a B since September! We are very proud of him for that. Lots of rewards and treats followed.

He does already know he wants to be a chef and has been accepted on a college course that has a very good reputation. He also has a Saturday/holiday job in a restaurant that he is loving. He's been there a year now.

He did nothing academically last year and has had to catch up a lot this year but he has always hated accountancy. He can also be incredibly lazy.

He screamed at me last night and said he would sit in the lesson and do nothing if he had to carry on with it and as someone already said, we can't force him to do it. It would end up being a massive waste of his time.

I guess I just needed some reassurance that it is not the end of the world if he drops it. I also can't stand any more fighting. I will argue with him 'till the cows come home if I believe it is the best thing for him but it's hard to argue when I may have just been arguing a principle iykwim.

PandaG you have a very good point about the 6hrs being extra and not instead of homework. I will make sure that is clear to him when he gets home tonight.

I think at 15 he's old enough to make the decision to drop it - it's good that you haven't made it too easy for him, but he's been persistent and clearly feels strongly about it so I think it's probably time to throw in the towel with the caveat that he spends those hours very very constructively indeed.

I'm so glad I posted. I was really upset this morning. I think it's good we listened to him and let him take responsibility. I suppose only time will tell if it's the right decision.

Only 3 months to go 'till we get a break from all this! :)

Is this accountancy a GCSE? Is it in addition to Maths? If he is doing a Maths GCSE I'd say forget the accountancy as time is short now , the exams start in 5 weeks and it will help him focus on everything else.

No it's worth the equivalent of 2 GCSEs. Most of his subjects are modular now which is how we know he's failing. I'm a bit annoyed with school actually as they told me at parents evening in January that he could still pass. They didn't even tell me about him heading for a fail and I had to ring them when it all kicked off at home.

I thought ds was trying it on at first and got very annoyed with him. :(