Eeeeeek first period!

[weegiemum]

This is my first post (doubtless of many) in teenagers!! My dd1 is 12 so I'm posting here and I've got 2 more dc coming up so I could be a fixture for a while!!

Dd1 got her period at the weekend. She's 12y2m but due to the different admissions criteria in Scotland, is still in primary school, she starts secondary in august. She's the oldest girl in the school but all her best friends are older too and are all now 12 as well.

She was well prepared for the event - we've talked about it very openly but she was still a bit shocked I think. I'm not exactly sure what to do! My mum left when I was about this age and wasnt there for me. I've gone for the "lots of hugs, tell me how you feel, briskly organised about the practicalities" approach.

I've heard of some mums doing something special, a lunch out together or maybe a small piece of jewellery to mark the occasion, but it feels a bit ewww to me. I just don't know what mums do!!

She has no pain but is what my Gran would have described as "wabbit" - pale, delicate, quiet, sort of sadly pining! I don't want to keep her off school as I don't want to get into that habit, it's a normal part of growing up, not an illness. Plus I am in hospital this week as a day patient for a serious autoimmune condition I recently developed, and the treatment I'm having could literally be life or death on my ability to walk, so I have to be there. Dh is working away. Is it ok just to send her to school with a note explaining? I think school would take her mind off it, tbh. She's taking my hospitalisation badly, though we've been totally open about w hats going on. It's all hormones and growing up, isn't it?

A very paranoid about getting it wrong weegiemum xx

Weegie I'm sorry you're ill I didn't know :(. I have seen you around before, you've made me laugh a few times.

You're being lovely doing all the right things, she's ok with it? Don't make big of it, when dd had hers I just bought her loads of tampaxy stuff, get the painkillers in too. It's a part of life.

Sorry she's having to deal with your illness too bless her :(

We didn't celebrate it as such but we were completely bonded in the purchases iyswim. DD was just quite pleased, although she was 12 but in year 7, don't know if it's an issue for you that she's still in primary but I think that's becoming more and more normal.

Hope you're both ok :)

Aw clowns (and I agree - scary!!) I didn't know I made you laugh! Thx!

It being at primary is no big deal, toilets are equipped, she has a spot on young trendy teacher who is brilliant, her BFF started last month, schools here are well set up for it with having older pupils.

Yes I've been pretty unwell, lost the sensation in my arms and legs and face and so my ability to walk is compromised and I can't do anything much with my hands (however can still MN on my iPad!). I've lost the nerves that are gone, treatment now is to preserve the function I do have. It's a bit shit tbh, but I'm coping, badly. It's like someone cut off my hands and feet, impossible to visualise!

Well ours was very embarrassing. After being open and informative and relaxed for years on end, when it actually happened dd was in one of her medically difficult phases and had been having a lot of bladder trouble, so I actually took her to the hospital to have the bleeding checked out- and was very taken aback when the handsome young doctor pointed out that she is quite developed, you know... Cue, many blushes and apologies to dd, and a hasty lunch in the hospital cafeteria.

Sorry to hear you are ill, Weegie. All best wishes.

Sorry to hear you are so unwell - hope the treatment works

When DD started (aged 12 and a bit), she was already well prepared, with a purse with pads in for school and knew all about it. Plus one of her BF's was round who had already started (and had told her all the gory details months before!) so I just took her out for a coffee, cake and a chat the next day. Maybe you could say to her that you will do something like that when you are better?

I didn't send a note in as she is at secondary school - she would have been mortified

I don't think there's any need to send in a note - she'll have her friend who will hopefully be supportive, and just remind her that if she has an emergency or any worries she can always speak to her teacher or go to the school office. I think she will be fine with a friend who's been there, done that, though.

Make her a little emergency pack with spare STs, spare pants and a nappy bag, and a few wet wipes if she would feel more secure and able to deal with any leaks then. (some girls are happier to just use toilet paper!)

the approach you have sounds perfect "hugs, feelings and then practicalities".

As the mum of 2 teen/near teenagers I'd totally agree. No reason at all to be off unless awful pain/flooding everywhere. Worth sending them with 2 paracetamol snipped off a sheet in case of aches (I'm assuming if she's big enough to have periods she's "adult sized" - if she's tiny then obviously 1 paracetamol).

Maybe no PE during the 1st period or 2 just to let her get used to it but I assume they change separately anyway.

My biggest tip- a huge pack of cheap (tesco value/primark what ever) black knickers and the permission to throw any that get leaked on whilst out of the house in the bin. Bringing manky knickers home as a kid was awful and now they're so cheap! ]

Also if pain/flooding etc a problem go to the GP don't sit on it. There is lots of things that can help. No GP worth their salt would examine her beyond a hand on the tum either- there is no reason to in a kid (different to sexually active adults) so reassure her at the start.

Wow thanks for all the tips! Looks like I am getting things pretty much right.

On Saturday am we usually all go to Tesco and do the food shop for the week. It's at a shopping centre so I think dd1 and I will go for coffee while the others shop, just have some mum/dd time, even if she has to push me in the shop in my wheelchair. Its just our new normal! And she says she likes pushing me around for the first time!!

Hi Weegie yes it sounds like your dd is ok and you're doing the right things.

Wishing you well :)

God no, don't send a note. Make sure, as best you can from your hospital bed, that she has pads or tampons with her in school and remind her to change frequently. Get plenty of extra underwear and have her bring a pair to school in her bag in case she needs a spare. Does she have a nice big pocket in her uniform skirt that she can keep a pad or tampon in?

My own DDs just wanted to get on with their lives and hugs, offers of cake, etc., were met with 'get away from me you madwoman' expressions.

If you think she is anaemic, have her iron levels checked, especially if she tires easily and her periods turn out to be heavy.

Hi Weegie.......so sorry to hear you are poorly, it must be hard.
I have three 14yr olds, 1dd and 2ds. My dd started her periods in Jan, she came and told me and was abit shocked, also very worried that her brothers would tease her. She begged me not to tell them, so I havent but I think they have guessed anyway. We didnt make a big deal out of it, I did excuse her PE the first time but she hasnt asked since. I feel proud of her in fact as she has just finished her 3rd one, and has coped on her own. The only thing I did do was buy her a pretty wicker laundry basket for her own room, so if she had a soiled pants the boys wouldnt see them! Hope all goes well for you Weegie...........life is tough isn`t it? xx

I didn't send notes in to school, she won't be the only one - even at primary. No celebrations in our house either... Both my DDs were a bit embarrassed and I don't think they would have appreciated me making a big thing of it. Just make sure she knows what to do in different situations, e.g. at school, at a friend's house, and that she always has supplies.

I wouldn't keep her off school either unless she really is suffering badly. Painkillers if she needs them (sounds like she doesn't) and make sure she gets plenty of sleep.

I must say I would come down like a ton of bricks on anyone teasing a girl because of her period. Life doesn't have to be that hard for girls.

Yes its tough being a girl, but I think teasing amongst siblings is inevitable. She does it to her brother, his voice broke and he has just had his first shave, he was very embarassed. I think it can be just as tough for boys too, its all growing up and like we did they have to get on with it. I like to think I am handling it alot better than my mum did for me and my brothers.

I wouldn't allow it chez moi and since it hasn't come up I haven't had to put on my dragon hat. I know girls who were teased at home about their development though, and it was more than just a common or garden hurt for them. I had no brothers and it hadn't occurred to me that a home with boys as well as girls should be any different from one with just boys or just girls until years later when chats with friends revealed what to me would be a nasty atmosphere to grow up in.

Really pleased to read this thread. Have 12 and a half yr old DD and have been wondering how to support?

Any more stories on this topic I would read gratefully. [busmile]

Eek dd (13) has just started! I want to cry my little girl is now a woman! She seems ok with it tho apart from 'it's disgusting' to when I've tried to chat about how to change regularly & having spare underwear etc.

I used to struggle with my periods, took one day of school every month. I didn't want that for my daughter. I have found reducing dairy products helps, basically switching to soya milk & olive oil (but we still eat real cheese!) Now we are both fine. Dairy increases inflamation in the womb, hence tummy pains. I picked this tip from Dr Christiana Northrup's book Mother daughter wisdom. I bought her a small present for her first period - her friends were jealous as their parents just told them to"get on with it" She is also concerned with dolphins swimming with tampons etc so she uses luna pads. They are her idea and she says they are more comfortable than disposable pads she hasn't told her friends though as she doesn't want to appear different!

I don't think you need to do anything to 'mark' the event. It's just a normal life event. You sound sensitive to her needs anyway and her knowing she can confide in you about it all should enable her to grow up with a matter of fact attitude about what is after all, nothing to make a fuss about.

That's the best template for healthy female adulthood IMHO.

Just make sure she has supplies and a pretty storage case for them and maybe suggest wearing dark trousers/skirts if she is worried about leaks or has irregular/heavy menstruation at first. When she has grown accustomed to her own rhythms, she'll become less anxious about that hopefully.

A posh friend of mine at University told me that her father opened a bottle of champagne when she started hers and I can quite believe it (although they are the sort of family who would have had champagne a lot).

This is all just around the corner for me ... my dd is coming up to 11 and a half - and I am worried about her because she still can't take painkillers in tablet form. She panics and can't swallow them! I suppose I could give her those nurofen singles sachets if she gets cramps?

Don't know If you've already covered this but it might be an idea to tell her how to dispose of her used pads, and pants
We had to walk thru living room to get to dustbin, and my DF used to like to check thru our rubbish to see if anything could be burnt
I therefore had to keep my used pads wrapped in 3 plastic bags, wait for DF to go to bed and sleep (bout 1am) b4 sneaking out with my bag of used sanitary wear!
You may wish to avoid this

BTW my DF would be Mortified if he had realised!

Also I'm sure you know to Give dd loads of tampons , pads etc.
My DM gave me half a pack of dr. White pads when I first started my periods and that was it
Apparently, she was waiting to be asked to get more, not realising that I was vv and actually wanted tampax
I was every bit of my savings to buy sanitary wear!

Bibbity, slight highjack but a great way to overcome the pill problem is to get your DC to practice with small sweets (tic tags, smarties, etc) and a glass of water. We used to let them eat a sweet for every successful swallow and it really does work

Great idea! Will try it with tic tacs, dd will be pleased .

I can't take pills the 'normal' way, I have to fill my mouth up with water, tip my head back, drop it in and swallow.

I used to panic and be horrendous about it sticking to my tongue/throat, but now I can get them in without them touching the sides

Make sure there's lots of pads ( or tampons if she'd prefer) and lots of painkillers! Send her to an auntie's house or a girlfriend who's mother she's close too and just explain. Teach her how to keep herself clean and about how often you need to change and stuff.

I'm sorry to hear you're ill, I truly hope you'll make a full & speedy recovery!