What can I advise my DS (13)?

[Twit]

Recently a couple of boys he walks home with have started to be nasty, saying they don't want him walking home with them, no-one likes him, calling him names etc etc. One of the group is a good friend (who stays quiet) so although DS wants to walk with him, the others are being vile.
I have said he needs to stand up to them - but I'm not sure how TBH.
I have also said could he not walk a different way, perhaps turning their 'reasons' against them (why would I want to walk with some-one like you who turns on his friends)
Again I don't know. DH is all for him twatting him one. But DS is more like me and won't.
I believe he has to sort this out for himself before it gets worse and to stand him in good stead for when he is older and at work etc.
What can I say to him? Is there anything?

My son went through phases of this last year when he was 13 - and that is what this probably is, a phase.

He was really unhappy at the time, and I was concerned, but it just suddenly blew over.

I did make sure that for a least a week I was at home, every day, when he arrived home from school, and was just kind of there for him.

I did suggest to him that he might want to walk a different way home from school for a couple of says, and meet me up at the supermarket to buy crap to help carry some bags. I think we did this twice, and then things started calming down at school anyway.

If you are really concerned that there is something happening inside the school that is contributing to what is occurring outside the school, a quiet word with his form tutor might help.

Well apparently the ringleader teases him about his name, says he's gay and that he's racist. He tries with, I think, varying success to get others involved and although some might laugh the others are just passive. Even his friends won't get involved vocally (understandable) but, and this is probably what's the most upsetting part for him, say or do nothing (like walking home a different way with him).
The fact is they have been friends for years and he has been at our house escaping another kid who was being racist. It's so baffling that it's suddenly changed, perhaps he's jealous of DS?
I think DS is an easy target because he won't fight back and doesn't want to get reported at school, which he is threatened with if he says anything. I said being reported only really works on the 'good' kids anyway because the 'bad' kids won't give a toss. DH and I have both said if he gets reported for standing up for himself we will back him up all the way.
I might see if he wants to meet me at Co-Op in town to help me with the shopping, that's a good idea - or take the younger DC's to the park and he can meet us there.

I had a similar situation with my DS (12) recently - difference was it was happening in the playground. It came to a head when DS, who is bigger than the tormentor said he was scared he would lash out at him one day and get expelled. I went to see the head of year who was fabulous. Don't know what she said to whom but the very next day the tormenting stopped and hasn't re-started. The boys who used to join in the name-calling are now nice to him. The head of year said usually all that is needed is for her to point out to the offender that their behaviour is bullying and generally it stops.

As your DS is getting this on the way home I don't know if the school will react the same way but it may be worth a try.

I think it happens at break and on the way home, but is worse on the wya home. I have said he could try speaking to his Head of House, but he doesn't want to be a snitch. I reminded him that the ringleader has no such qualms (at least outwardly) if he is threatening to report him if he retaliates. I think I'll reiterate he could turn the tables on him and report him, or threaten to if he thinks that might work.

I don't think my DS would have talked to a teacher himself for the same reasons. I was also in two minds - I couldn't see how they could help. However my DH persuaded me to go (he was unable to as working away) and I am so glad I did. I was really nervous and worried that I would 'make it worse' but the lady was really understanding and obviously had loads of experience dealing with this sort of thing.

Ah right of course. Yes I might e-mail to speak to his form tutor as we would like to speak to him anyway, two birds one stone. Or wait 'til after Easter and see if it all blows over?

Don't wait until after Easter - do it now. Don't let your DS tell you he doesn't want you to. We had trouble with DD like this. Took it to the Deputy Head. She was fabulous. It was sorted immediately and we have had no repercussions.