Very angry with DD (11), she is with me, relationship deteriorating, how do we make it better?

[dabdab]

More specifically, what sort of counselling do you think would be helpful? Don't feel either of us have enough space to talk things through ourselves. I want to give ourselves tools do deal with all this before it gets much worse, but am not quite sure what sort of external help would be good. Does anyone have experience of this sort of thing?

What sort of counselling would make a difference?
My almost 11 YO is a proper pickle at the moment. A combination of SATS stress , anger,missing her Dad and jangling hormones make our house a not very nice place to e sometimes.
I took her out on Sunday and we had a lovely chat about what was bothering her and what we could fix immediately.
Home life has been marginally nicer since then.

Thanks for taking the time to respond, glad that things are smoother with your Dd. I did a bit of cooking with mine and the atmosphere has also relaxed here, which is good. She is a bit of 'girl with a little curl'. I am somewhat wary though, as we get these peaks and troughs. I feel that there are underlying issues but don't really know how to address them. Not sure what type of counselling would help, partly why I came on here to see if anyone had any suggestions.

Sorry, no helpful advice here, but marking my place in case someone else has any words of wisdom! Its a tricky age isn't it.

You have not done anything wrong but you do need to adapt your parenting skills as your DD is now in the preteen stage. Anger is a very common part of both the preteen and teen relationship and it is really important for you to take responsibility for your anger and in so doing teach your DD to do the same. Communication is key here but never communicate when you are angry. Take the time to talk and ask your DD why she is angry.Really listen to her reply. Do not take her answer personally. Ask her what would have to happen for her to feel better. If she does not know why she feels angry explain to her that it is ok for her to feel angry but she needs to find a way to get rid of her anger without affecting anyone else. Physical exercise is good even just hitting a pillow can help. it is also a great time to teach your DD to keep a journal so she can start to write down how she feels every day.This journal must be private though, if she thinks you will read it she will not write exactly how she feels. Please do lead by example though. I hope this helps.