Money going "missing" from house -can anyone advise

[DuffyMoon]

I have 2 dd's 14 and 16 and like title say's money is going missing from house. Think it has happened before as dh has noticed that his wallet has less money but cant be 100% sure as didnt keep running total of whats in wallet. He thought £20 went from his wallet on Monday - is 99% sure but we definately know £10 has gone walkabout as was on mantlepiece...and now is not. Both DD's flatly deny taking it and arguments are tearing house apart. DH wants to stop all alowances and look at their bank statements which as you can imagine is not going down well.
I am torn between drawing a line under it and trying to move on because if no one confessess there isnt much we can do or thinking if we dont make a firm stance we may end up with hardened criminal on our hands...mind also going overtime as to why someone would need extra money... DH and DD1 are at loggerheads as he thinks she is most likely to have done it, she is threatening to leave home etc and I feel like its tearing me apart :(

I think you are being a bit harsh blaming the girls without evidence. Your husband isn't sure about the money going missing from his wallet - he may have spent it and forgotten. The money on the mantelpiece could have been knocked off and got lost. Don't leave money/wallets lying around.

OK, been there (still going through it actually even though ds2 has a job!).

We think our 16 yr old ds2 has been stealing from us for at least a year or so. Just noticed an odd fiver missing here and there and questioning ourselves as to whether we spent it or not. Eventually we caught him out and he admitted it - had many long chats with him and dh to try and sort out.

The only solution has been

1. We have become VERY careful to hide all cash (I have got used to using my credit card for everything.)
2. He got a Saturday job, so wasn't running out of allowance anymore (he was getting about £25 per week allowance).

He has run out this week, due to having to buy new clothes and I noticed a pound missing from my purse - so he's still going through my purse.

I was/and still am gutted that he thinks it's OK to do this, and he will lie about it until he's blue in the face, so it's hard to accuse. I believe he runs out of money to buy ciggies. I'm certain he smokes but, again he lies about it.

I think it's quite common to be honest. Don't accuse unless absolutely sure. Deliberately leave a fiver in your purse and make a note when you left it there to see if you're right. If your are right, tell both of them you suspect it's going on, and how you feel about it. If they're like my ds2 they'll probably keep doing it - just get careful with leaving cash around. Sad state of affairs though. x

We have been there too.. and it's not nice. For ages I thought I was going round the bend because I was pretty sure I had £10 in my purse, or whatever.. and then it wasn't..but I couldn't be 100% sure I had it. But it happened often enough to make me sure.. and by the time we had absolute evidence , my DS1 had stolen a couple of hundred from us...:(

I would make the statement. 'I keep finding money is missing. I can't prove either of you took it, but I am going to keep my money safe from now on'

Then get a combination safe (£25 argos) and USE it. Your purse, DH's wallet.. and NEVER leave money about. Don't get a key cash box... (we did at first and DS1 pinched the key....)

I'm sorry but I disagree with dexter73... I think if you think it's going missing it is VERY unlikely that it has randomly and repeatedly vanished..one of your girls is taking it. And she WILL deny it until she is blue in the face. Our son only admitted it when we caught him and threatened to bring in the police.

Our solution was the same as BerniW... get a safe.. and get them a job! All thieving stopped when my son got a p/t job and had a decent income of his own..and also an awareness that working for money makes it precious! He did have an allowance prior to that but he just wanted more:(

He is now 19 and I can trust him completely.. it WAS a phase..a horrible one for sure, but I think it is very common.

I just don't see how you can brand someone a thief because a tenner left lying around has gone missing and you have no evidence that they took it . Things haven't been repeatedly going missing - there is only one occasion that they can be sure of.

thanks for input...I so want to believe them but on the other hand I am 99.9999999999999% sure money has gone but have no definite proof. I suppose deep down I think I shouldnt have to hide money but it looks like that is the answer - glad to here things get better Medusa :)

What was the outcome?

been there too, and its horrid esp when you keep questioning your children making them feel untrustworthy but felt awful when we actually caught the person stealing in the act and it turned out to be ds1 girlfriend...needless to say she was no longer welcome in our home

Buy a safe and keep your wallets, cards, etc in there...

We've been here, too, unfortunately. It was/is only me from whom money goes as DH is very careful to keep hold of his money or lock it away at all times. I'm much more lax about it, but have to take my bag with me upstairs at all times now. DD will never admit it. She even stole from my mother ! The only reason she was found out there is that DM coincidentally happened to know just that day how much she had in her purse. DD did pay it all back, but still didn't show much remorse.

I hate feeling like my house is not safe . The only solution is to lock up your valuables.

There may be no thefts - you don't seem sure. Keep a record of the notes in your purse/wallet and mark each one with a red cross or similar. It's a faff but better than either a) accusing someone unjustly or b) having your money stolen.