motivate teenager to do housework

[angelspat]

Hi

any help ideas to get my daughter to help with jobs arround the house????

You haven't exactly been inundated with tips and I'm afraid I haven't got any wisdom to impart either. I guess we'd all like to know the answer to this one.

My two used to do much, much more around the house when they were younger. They used to have a few regular chores and I also used to ask them to extra one-off things. They used to do it all cheerfully. I think they enjoyed helping actually - it was, perhaps, bit of a novelty or a game.

Over the last couple of years (they're 18 and 16) they've got a bit messier and more absent-minded about domestic stuff and I've often cut them some slack because:

(a) they've often got something important (exams, coursework, music exams, uni admissions stuff etc etc) going on and they've got a lot of pressure on, time-wise
(b) because there are so, so many other potential arguments with teenagers (setting boundaries about going out/ coming in etc, you sometimes have to choose your battles and let go of some of the smaller stuff
(c) because I just get sick of wasting my breath - I can tell them every day to do something but they'd still forget to do it unless I tell them again. I get so fed up of nagging - open your curtains, bring that mug downstairs, hang those clothes up, put your bowl in the dishwasher, bring your laundry down - God, it's tedious.

I despair really. I make them change their beds once a week but they don't do much else other than join in emptying the dishwasher if they're around. Their rooms are not as bad as some of my friends kids - they do give them a blitz once in a while - but they've definitely slipped back a long way from how they were when they were younger more enthusiastic kids.

Sorry - not much help, really! How old is your teenager and what do you want him/ her to do?

Anyone who find the solution should write a book and become rich!

Actually I had a cleaning rota..(laminated and everything ) for my lot, and it worked quite well in the earlier teen years but to be honest they never did the jobs (bathroom, kitchen floor etc) quite as well as I liked. I didn't motivate them as such... but it was a condition of them getting an allowance!
Once they had p't jobs there wasn't any bribe to dangle..and of course they were/are doing A levels etc etc so I gave up, except for the dishwasher which the younger two take turns doing.

Every so often I had them the cleaning stuff and say 'do your rooms or I will go through them for you..and anything o the floor will be binned!' Then the rooms are tidied up a bit for about a day...:/

Mostly tho it's quicker to do it myself!

My daughter is 14,
would love her to wash up, dust or hoover on a more regular basis.
must admit I tend to give up nagging and do it myself......

Dd1(15) does her own laundry, mainly because it would get lost in the general guddle otherwise and she wants her clothes when she wants them. For anything else, I just ask nicely, and she does it. In an ideal world, I suppose she would take on particular jobs regularly, but I think that's a bit moon on a stick.

I have a solution which has worked pretty well for me.
Since my DCs were about 10yo they have had to do 'A job a day', and that's the rule.

I started with a list of jobs on the kitchen wall, ranging from washing up to cleaning the toilet to taking the bins out. Some jobs are easier than others, obviously. The idea was that they chose a job every day to do. If they didn't get on with it then I would choose for them. It meant a it of competition for the easiest job but also a race to start, which was good.

These days (6 years later) I just tell them what needs doing, rather then them choosing from the list. If I'm not at home I tell them that I will expect a job to be done by the time I get back.

Sometimes when the place is a mess, I tell them that we are all going to work together for half an hour on tidying the house. During all this, I am doing housework too. It feels like a team effort and is really worth ignoring all the whinging, when they get started they are fine.

Occasionally when they haven't done a job properly, make them do it again. They will scream and shout but if you stick to your guns, they will do it right next time to save themselves the grief.

I can honestly say that this is one of the most successful rules I have introduced and makes me feel quite proud.
DS (14) today did the washing up well and in record time so that he could be allowed on the computer.

It make may you appear to your DCs that your have a screw loose when you start up something like this, but goddam it's worth it.

My ds has gradually started doing less as the years go on and he never did much

The thing to realise is that teenagers will never do housework cheerfully or willingly. The trick is getting them to do it - don't expect any more than that.

You will have to nag and cajool if you want it done.

Oh yes and definitely link it to money. They don't get money if they don't work for it... same for all of us

We like the love and logic way of dealing with it.

"I did your chore for you and now I'm too tired to drive you to xyz/go buy whatever you needed/mend your shirt/help you with whatever they want you to do. I'm sorry hon, we can try again tomorrow."

"I'm all out of energy from waiting on you, I'm too tired to cook steak and baked potato, PBJs are going to have to do tonight." (works well for food motivated kids)

Also we have a policy that family comes first, then school, then everything else. If you are failing on one front then you have no business going to school dances, sleeping over, hanging out with friends etc.

Sometimes my kids do without, sometimes they choose to do one of my chores so I can conserve my energy to take them where they want to go.

There is no magic wand that I've found and it still remains a problem at times but the above seems to help at least part of the time.