12 year old dd texting about sex to 16 year old boy

[atmywitsend]

Advice please.... I have found out that my extremely volatile 12 year old dd is texting a 16 year old boy who she meets at Sea Cadets. They are discussing having sex, with most of the running being made by my dd. I know if I confront her with it there will be fireworks - she is totally non-compliant to our wishes and house rules and is due to have anger management conselling. Do we warn the boy off? Speak to his parents (whom we do not know at all?) Do we stop her going to Sea Cadets, which, aside from the above, we feel it a good influence in her life? Help!

blue balls = big fuss about nothing

any update?

I'd do the same as custy myself, and my teen is nearly 14, as well as talking to the boys parents

Update on proceedings - thanks to you all for advice. In the end we've taken most of it on board (but we will not be putting dd on the pill!). We spoke to Sea Cadets who were very good about it and talked to the lad & will be keeping a good eye on both in the future. We also spoke to the lad's mother, who took it fairly sanguinely but also gave the lad a good talking to. We talked to dd who was, of course, very upset a) at us reading her texts and b) at the thought the we could think her capable of going off and having sex at her age. It transpired (and we don't know whether to believe this or not) that the sex talk was added to her texts by a girl 'friend' and that the kisses etc were part of a truth/dare/forfeit...etc game.
The lad then showed up at Sea Cadets the next day and 'confidentially' told dd and several others that the police had been round to his house the previous night, cautioned him & told him that he was now on the paedophile list, list 99 etc and that his proposed naval career was a no-no. This left dd feeling very guilty until a phone call to his mother assured us that this was a load of tosh. This, however, gave us the proof to show dd (if any further was required) that the guy is a gold-plated creep.
DD, true to form, has not shown one iota of remorse for the whole affair and, having caught wind of something happening at Sea Cadets, had actually deleted all her texts by the time she got home - a good job we copied them all, then.
The phone has been removed for an indefinite period, and will probably only be given back on a strict use-only-in-the-kitchen basis, if at all. If she needs it after school, she will have to check it in at school reception during the day (and we will check this). I think she knows that she has a lot of trust-building to do with us. We have always tried to give her as much independence as we feel we can, but this, and other, incidents and severely burnt our fingers.
Thanks once again for all your advice - we really appreciate what a website like this can do for us.

Nicely Handled