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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

18yo sister living with myself and DH....

2 replies

twinnies26 · 13/03/2012 21:50

Just lost my first post... my 18yo sister lives with myself and DH and our 6mo ID twin girls. She doesn't live with our parents as we live closer to her uni and before that her school.

In short the problem is she has a boyfriend who is quite rough and now the family is falling apart over this. My parents met him in the early autumn and disapproved immediately. I'm sure he is a nice enough kid but honestly he is not really the type of guy she should be hanging out with. Our father went mad about this when he met him and very quickly the relationship between my sister and our parents went downhill.

Our ID twins arrived in October and the whole situation seemed to blow over as everyone was preoccupied with the twins...but she let everyone believe the relationship was over and created a whole 'secret life'. In the end i realised i was lying about her whereabouts to cover up for her and knew this would get nasty. Now the whole thing has exploded - our parents know about the continued relationship. They are really quite distraught about it and there are terrible rows going on. My dad is quite heartbroken over this situation. they are on the phone to me all the time going crazy but i just don't know what to do...she won't break up with him and won't listen to any advise i have to offer. I'm completely stuck in the middle.

In the meantime she feels she has no home with them anymore and maybe no home here because i have nicely suggested she just finds another boy...I just don't know what to do - and my hands are full with 6mo twins!! I don't want her to feel alone because she has distanced herself from our parents... if she left here (she threatens to move out) she might end up going down the wrong path

I am hoping it's a phase and will pass.... what would you do? I realise there's probably not that much!.... i'm just so sick of this tension between everyone and trying to be the peace maker.

OP posts:
musicposy · 13/03/2012 22:30

This is tough for you, but she's 18, not 13, and ultimately it's her choice. It's a shame it's become your problem at a time when you need to be enjoying your own family - twins, though absolutely lovely, must be hard work!

I'd stick by her and not make too much fuss about her giving him up; if he really is as grotty as everyone thinks she's going to need someone to be there for her later on when he dumps her/ sleeps with one of her friends/ gets arrested.

It might be worth pointing out to your parents that human nature is such that the more fuss they make, the more desperately she is going to hang on to him. If they are really clever your Dad will invite him for tea once a week, take him fishing and hint about weddings. They won't see him for dust Grin.

lucidlady · 13/03/2012 22:33

Hmm tough one. Having had the undesirable boyfriend that everyone hates myself, I can confirm that the more you all tell her he's bad news, the less she will listen to you. What exactly is it that isn't good about him? Is he a nasty person or is he just rough as in his background?

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