do i sit back, can i ground my 17 year old ds for not working at as levels, or just leave him to fail

[Slartybartfast]

i seem to have been nagging him for a whole year. but it doesnt work. i know in their gcse years some of his peers are not allowed out during the week, but we are passed that, although he did not pass as well as he could. his teachers say, perhaps they are wrong, he has the ability. but he cant seem to put pen to paper.
and what else is out there for him? sigh.
dh increasingly stressed by ds laziness.
he is not too old to be grounded surely?

an apprenticeship might be worth looking into though

I don't like bribery myself.. it's a short term solution and also how do you negotiate the terms? .. 'I'll get you Reading Festival tickets if you work'?? (your idea of working hard may not coincide with theirs but you still have to follow thro...) Bribery also doesn't solve the problem long term...you bribe him thro A levels..then what? Thro the next three+ years of student freedom?!?!

I'm with AF... time for a straightforward chat.. (and yes I DID do this with my three older teens). If they want to go to Uni.. they put the work in now. If they don't then they need to leave now, but be aware I would expect rent, and there would be no financial help from home/ mobiles paid for etc etc. Oh and they could leave WHEN they found a job , not before.

Two of mine did/are doing A levels.. the other did a Btec and then found a job..and pays rent. I also did pretty much ground both the girls doing A levels.. no going out in the week except for special occasions in the months running up to the exams. Actually most of their friends were working with the same approach so they all worked hard in the week and met at the weekends:D

I like the idea of supervised free periods in school tho... REALLY good idea!

medusa I agree, really, but it depends how desperate you are. It's the reason most of us go to work I suppose

I would make an appt to speak to his teachers - especially about the putting pen to paper .
Sorry you're going through this - I'm afraid we're still ( DS 19 and doing a Foundation Degree well below his understanding ,but not his tolerance for applying himself ) in this situation .
It just makes me miserable and so fearful for the future .

I have a 16 year old who has just done badly in his AS level and has not lost all motivation to even continue in college. He says he did study but I have my doubts he didnt do more than just read his work a few times. How can I motivate him to continue as his predicted grades are much higher than he actually got. We have told him he can leave at the end of the first year but he needs to do his AS exams and resits. Do you think that is the right thing to say to him? We just feel that to leave know is a waste of the time and effort he has done already and there is only a couple of months left anyhow.

I should say that my eldest who is just 18 did the same last year, got bad AS grades, got really demotivated and actually became depressed and left college last March. Since then he has been at home doing nothing. He has suffered from anxiety and illnesses ever since and has not motivation to do anything.

I am just wondered that this is happening again with my second son.

A very stressed and worried mother

oh dear
i suggest you start a new thread about this as it might get better traffic on its own merits.
nothign to advise,

I am in exactly the same situation-with a capable but lazy 17 year old who is not putting any work into his A levels. We have always been supportive and encouraging towards him but now wondering if a tougher approach is needed. My own mother has suggested he is has been spoilt and is now lazy as a consequence!