texting addiction

[exaspomum]

DD (15) sends dozens of texts every day. First thing she does when she gets home from school and last thing at night. She reckons that she can study/practise her musical instrument (about which she's quite serious) while also texting (and receiving texts obviously). At the moment, her main text correspondent is her boyfriend (who goes to the same school as her) and who she dates once or twice a week.

She was horrified when DH and I 'suggested' that she turn her phone off from 6.30 till 9pm on mon-thursdays.
IMO she's never properly relaxed. She's busy with her many musical activites, another hobby, schoolwork obviously - Scottish standard grades starting at the end of April and her friends. She finds it really difficult to settle down and focus on anything without texting. Her phone's only off when she's with her boyfriend or at the cinema/concert etc.

It worries me that she spends so much time checking her phone for texts and initiating conversations.

What do you MNers think?

aslong as it doesnt effect her school work i dont see a problem with it .. My DD is 16, studying for her GCSE's .. She goes no where without her Blackberry, and its never turned off. The only time i ask her not to look at it is if were having a family meeting, or family meal :)

I think it's second nature to todays teenagers to text or message each other with no effort iyswim.

My son was the same when he was around 14/15. I used to get an itemised mobile phone bill from his phone and it used to total about 24 pages each month. The calls began from when he woke in the morning until around midnight every night. I was very concerned and angry, but luckily the novelty wore off after a couple of months.

He still texts, but nowhere near as often as what he was doing then, (he is nearly 18 now).

Seems to be par for the course- my DD too seems to be spot welded to her phone when she and bf are apart. We do have rules about no phones near table during any meals or when we are having family/discussion/activity. Doesn't seem to be affecting her school work ( called today she scored 100% in an exam mock) and/or her behaviour to us etc so I can't complain. I think it is a phase which will pass - they text because they can! Trying to explain to my DD and DS the other day that when I was their age communications with boyfriends/girlfriends were limited to conversations in our draughty hall way at home with my Dad shouting "That's 5 minutes now...." in the background or shock of shocks, when I was away at uni, "writing to each other"!!!

We've just instigated new phone rules -for a few reasons as I'm sick of taking 2nd place to the endless stream of crappy texts that seem so essential.

No phone at mealtimes
No phone when homework's being done
Phone handed over at 10 pm every night
2 hours phone and laptop free time every day in addition to the above

It is very difficult. I have a ds who is same age exaspomum. We actually blocked is internet connection via his phone years ago as he got so bad, his phone was in dp's name. It was constantly in his hand. He just thinks it is broke for now but still texts, gets 300 free messages a month on pay as you go. We currently insist phones do not arrive at the tea table and stays downstairs at night like shesparkles. Then it is not allowed to be picked up until he is all ready and going to school the next morning. He gets away with a lot of gaming and computer time since his last birthday, as had a laptop ect in his room and desk for homework as now older but we did only do this since his last birthday. However, he is made to turn these off by 8.50pm. I know he has too much gaming time now but honestly feel it is an ongoing struggle. We have currently lost him to his room but all boys I know are the same or worse. I don't really like it. He also seems restless at other times but does go out all weekends with mates and does well at school so it is difficult

This is my first time to the site and I came here mainly to see if anyone else had issues with a teen's texting addiction.

I've been hassling 16yo DD for ages about her constant use of her phone. I've just not been very strict about it or really monitored it other than to say not at the dinner table, and not when doing homework or revising. The latter was hard to monitor as she works in her room.

And then I got a phone bill for £210. I thought it must be a mistake. But, it turns out that unlimited texting actually means 3000 and she had send 4800. In one month. !?!?! And that is just texting - doesn't include all the BBMing she does, and facebook messages, and twitter.

I took the phone off her for a week, except for when she went to school. After she starting swearing and screaming at me for not letting her have it back before that week was up, I extended it for another week. I've just found out that, actually, even though she only had it during school she has still managed to send over 1500 texts in half a month. Plus she has been using Whats App more as a way to avoid going over her text limit.

I don't know what to do. It is really truly an addiction. I thought it would ease when her use of it was restricted, but she's not really changed her behaviour at all - just more intensive texting when she did have the phone, and this means more during school time.

She is massively stressed and anxious and unhappy at the moment and I think the texting plays a major part. She doesn't know what to do without it. She can't concentrate on anything at all. Her schoolwork is suffering and I had to go and plead with the school to stop them kicking her out yesterday because of her exam grades. I need to treat this as I would some sort of drug or alcohol addiction. I don't think it is par for the course. I used to think there was hysteria about this, but it is ruining my DDs life. I think she stopped playing the guitar because it required her hands to be doing something else!

Help!!

I have two plans. One, talk to her again, be really really firm and say that I am taking her phone away as soon as she is home from school/I am home from work for the next two weeks, and that she has one hour on the laptop per night for the next week. If she follows that okay, she gets 2 hours a night the next week.
Maybe I should monitor her texts/BBMs and say she has a limit of 20 per day?

Second, I need to find something that she can occupy her hands with because I think she will really struggle if there is no replacement. I am hoping (but probably completely dreaming) that she will be willing to try take up crochet with me. I can't remember how to do it, but we could get a book and some wool and learn how to do it. Gosh that sounds so silly ... but it's all I can think of at the moment.

Hi welcome to the site. That amount of texting is normal for a teenager. That's why my DD's were on PAYG tariffs at that age. DD3 is 20 now and she still texts a lot. She is now on giffgaff and pays £10 a month. This gives her unlimited texts and unlimited Internet both are truly unlimited not just 3000 texts and she also gets 250 minutes.

Exaspomum - I'm with you. I'm in kinda the same boat with DS and his bloody DS! It's being restricted to 3.30 to teatime, to which DS founces and says in a true Kevin stylie 'it's not fair'. Tough.

Tell your DD she can text 24/7 in the school holidays and/or when she's passed all her exams and/or when she's living under her own roof.

It's normal?? But is it okay?? I really think it is why DD can't concentrate or calm herself down when she gets anxious ... she doesn't have any time in the day to simply think or be blank ... it's constant communication and chatter. She was doing fine at school before she was texting this much, and getting the blackberry has just made things worse. We have a contract so I can't move to PAYG - and I guess at this stage I don't want to give her a licence to text as much as she wants! I want her to stop! If this is normal, I want her to be an abnormal teenager.

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

It's normal for little boys to play with their penises. It's not okay for them to do it all hours of the day.

Your DD seems to have gotten a tad addicted to being in constant contact with her mates/boyfriend, possibly a teensy bit unhealthily so. I'd be trying to wean her of it, especially as it's such an important time in her academic life.

I have this problem and have kicked myself for not sorting sooner. DD is in year 11, exams this year.

She is glued to the blackberry and laptop and cant get out of bed in the morning.

Cost wise, giffgaff £10 deal helps.

BUT I thoroughly regret getting her the blackberry - massive mistake, with her constantly on it.

I have taken both away, since a week ago, after 10pm, and despite the tmper tamtrums over this.

Result- she is more pleasant, and got out of bed every morning last week.