I don't ever post here, as i don't have teenagers. I am posting this on behalf of a friend, who does, and i'm hoping one of you lovely parents of 12 year olds can offer some words of wisdom for me to pass on to her.
My friend, X , has a 12 year old girl and two more Ds age 3 and 18months. I went round last night to find my friend on the stairs, in tears with a big red mark on her cheek. Her 12 yo had been asked to sit with the younger Ds(who was in the bath) while X went to get her pyjamas (having alredy asked 12yo to do it and been told to F* off). 12 yo had gone into her bderoom instead and left 18mth in bath on her own. When X came back, she told off 12yo and told her she was
A) Grounded for teh weekend
B) No pocket money
C) No playstation.
12yo had then slapped her mother, and called her a Fing W*e, a Fing C**t, etc etc.
This is the latest in what seems to be a battle of the wills between the two of them. To say it is embarrasing to go in the house is an understatement, the atmosphere is terrible. If X asks 12yo to do anything, even something as simple as, "Ds1, can you bring your dirty washing downstairs please so i can do it" is met with resistance, the child went to school for a week wearing filthy clothes because they hadn't been brought downstairs, but she couldn't find them either, becasue if shes asked to tidy her room, she stuffs everything into a sleepin bag and puts it in her cupboard. She has twice told the school that her mum wouldn't give her any dinner moneyor packed lunch, and X has had calls from the school asking why, she told the school that her mum wouldn't wash her clothes (see above) and she won't do her homework, and tells the school her mum ripped it up.
She constantly calls her mum a F*ing bitch, or worse. She does nothing at all to help. If X asks her to stay in the living room, then she will, but she will hit the little ones, or hid their toys, if they are playing with something she will take it off them, They then cry, X comes through and then the shouting starts.
There is a husband who is much use a choclate teapot. He stays in bed till gone 1 every weekend ( X is up every single day at 4.45 with her youngest, and she works all day as well).
I think the 12yo needs to be in her own room, as she shares with the 3 yo. The house is like mine, 3 bedrooms, the third one is tiny, only has room for 1 bed and a unit, but X's hubby won't let her move room.
I'm could go on and on with this, but i think you get the general gist.
I really don't know what to say to my friend, i don't have teenagers, and i asked my mum if i had been as bad as that and she said no.
The 12yo has now started being rude to me, and at the minute i ignore it, but i feel that i will need to say something to her soon.
Any suggestions, even recommending a book would be very much appreciated.