Son and hubby at loggerheads

[Jogonannie]

My 14yr old last night called my husband a "prick!". He is getting worse with his temper and often cuts his hands where he has punched a wall. He is doing fine at school, plays loads of sport but seems to get really wound up when we ask him to do anything at home. My husband really supports him in all his sporting activities but our son seems to have no respect for him at home. This is causing problems for us as a couple because I feel like a referee in the middle.Any thoughts would really be appreciated.

No thoughts just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have a reprieve for a while as his dad is working away for 6 months and not back in uk until june so will only see him for the holidays.
We have countless arguments about what ds is to do at home and what time hes allowed out till etc even with him not even living in the same house as us anymore.

Jogonannie what leads up to these outbursts? Are there recogniseable triggers?

Seems to be if we ask him to do something ie put a plate away and then all we get is " in a minute" . I know this is normal teenager behaviour but his temper is a real worry

Is there the possibility of one of you (ie either you or DH) sitting down with DS + comforting hot drinks of choice and start to set some ground rules. He isnt a toddler and now needs to start accepting some facts:

• you all have to live together
• rights come with responsibilities

Agree some house rules eg:

• Verbal abuse is not allowed
• Chores are agreed and completed by a certain time
• You are all entitled to privacy

During this conversation I would also be discussing with your DS how his behaviour affects other people. Teenagers are notorious for being very self-centered. By the sounds of it your DS owes your DH an apology.

One of the simple ways of approaching this is for you to ask your DS if he can really expect someone he called a prick to continue to give him support in his sporting activities.

The apology does not need to be fulsome, muttered will suffice!

Thank you so much for the great advice. I had a chat to him mentioning what you said and a while later he asked Dh if he could have a talk. They seem to have sorted it out and calm has been restored for awhile !!

My son turned against his Dad when he was about 14; my husband and he were always at loggerheads and yes, Mum always in the middle.

Now son is nearly 18 and things much better. No longer in competition with one another.