Teen sons lack of interests/laziness

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

Have looked through these threads to find and answer to mine, and although there are lots of good advice, I'd just like to give my problem an airing...

My DS14 has no interests whatsoever, no sport,no activities. He used to go to football, but never did anything on the pitch apart from stand around,because he was so unfit he couldn't do anything else. Getting him motivated to get out of bed was another issue. His coach continually reiterated his fitness level to him/me, all to no avail. Last year when the football season ended I said I wouldn't pay a new subscription unless he got fit. He had from June till September to do this...he didn't, so I didn't renew. So, since June, he's done nothing and never asks to do anything either, despite being offered (by myself) opportunities to do other (including going back to football) activities . Most of his friends have an activity/hobby of some description.

He has friends and they do 'hang out' but my issue is that I would like him to have some kind of interest, whether it be sporty or otherwise. Everything I suggest is declined, and I'm at my wits end, as all I see in front of me is a very lazy boy.

Am I wrong/too much expectation/pain in the arse mother? Should I give up and let him veg out on the XBOX/Iphone?

Please help as I'm driving he and I insane

Was cancelling the footy not a bit counter productive if you want him fitter and it's his only activity?

Could you ask him what activity he would like to do? Tell him he has to do at least one organised sport/ activity a week and let him choose one that he would dislike least enjoy.

Yes slam sort of, but the thing was he used to muck about mostly at training and then on the pitch he couldn't/wouldn't run for the ball, that's why I thought the threat of not going at all would give him a kick up the proverbial, but it seems to have backfired to a degree.

Have asked him continually what he would like/not like to do and he never comes up with an answer, despite my efforts/offerings...

Was just wondering too - was your deadline for him to get fit alongside a structured programme to help him?

It's quite a big ask just to say 'Get Fit' to a 14 year old and expect him to be motivated and know ho to go about it. My dh can't manage this and he's 46!

Well, I made lots of suggestions about him going running with a friend,I paid for a 6 week subscription to the gym (went twice) and also swimming.

But I also expected him to at least put some effort in by saying 'mum, can you take me to gym/swimming etc'..

I know what you're saying to expect a 14 year old to get fit, but I do expect him to make at least some effort towards it, and there was/is zilch

Sounds like depression. Feeling listless and losing interest in all activities are known to be an early warning signs of depression. As a parent I would strongly suggest he attend counseling or therapy to treat his depression. It is very important to treat depression because it can affect the way you think and feel (both physically and emotionally). Also it doesn?t just affect the depressed person, family, friends and people who care for them are affected as well. Consider reading this article, it might help you further with understanding what your teen is going through.

'I would like him to have some kind of interest'

Why?

Does he annoy you?
Is he doing badly at school?

Sounds like every other teenage boy...

He sounds like a lot of teenage boys My ds is 18 now and is still a lazy bones but as long as he does well at college and is pleasant to be around I have decided its part of his personality. Some people are motivated driven sporty etc some aren't. MY sister and I are like that she is super career orientated and sporty and I am bone idle unless something really interests me. Have never done a sport in my life much happier 'pottering'. somehow I have managed to end up making more money and having an easier life at teh same time which really makes her and my mum laugh as I was so lazy as a teenager. Don't worry x

You can't force him to have an interest.

He sounds normal to me

If he wants an interest he'll get one, if he wants to start getting fit/doing any sporting activity he will do.

Threats and blackmailing other people to do what we want always backfires.

My DS is 18, at 14 the only things he was interested in was xbox/playstation/playing his guitar. He loves his bed (still does - he's lay in it now watching his TV, laptop at the side of him. If thats what he wants to do let him crack on.

Save the arguments and 'nagging' for things that really matter - safety and education. If your only worry about him is that he's lazy then believe me you have nothing to worry about (just look at some of the harrowing threads on here)

p.s. DS now rides a mountain bike, goes to Kung fu and the gym! Frankly I am amazed that he can be arsed! He has done all these of his own accord with no input from me.

I wouldn't worry too much its just typical of a teenage boy. He will develop interests when he is ready and you really cant force him to. As long as hes keeping safe and doing ok at school I would relax about it.

What are the choices in your area?

My DS started army cadets last year. He still isnt Mr Get Up And Go but I am more than happy that he has learnt how to iron his kit and polish his boots!

My DDs go to a local music school, they will never be rock stars but they are happy and enjoying it.

Is he really overweight, and that's why you're concerned?

How about doing something together? My ds and I have just started doing a couch to 5 k training programme. It's only week 2, and at 12yo my ds is younger than yours, but it's working really well. We're both getting fitter and having time together. I know my ds would never have done it on his own and it's really boosting his confidence. Might something similar work for you?