Petty or not?

[Gymbob]

I have discovered my 12 year old girl has been hitching her school skirt up really short after she leaves home in the mornings, and also wearing headgear that is not allowed at school. She knows I do not allow her to wear short skirts and flowers in her hair for school, school have a uniform policy of course but only have purges now and again.

How would you handle it? I am very disappointed she is being deceitful, I have tackled her about her dress before for school and she denied everything.

She is already straightening her hair every day for school and covering her spots. I'm not really thrilled about that either but I have let it go - however the skirt thing just makes me think that she is turning into a trollop. how do I know what else she is doing - or going to deceive me about in the future?

Do you think confiscating her skirts so she has to wear trousers is a childish thing to do, ha ha?!

She is just following fashion, i think if thats the only problems you have with your DD then you are very lucky :)

Maybe take her shopping and compromise on a new skirt length, that suits you and the fashion

I always turned up my skirts at school! I don't think I am/was a Trollope though! That's just what girls do nowadays! I agree with above post, agree on a length and buy some new skirts.
The flowers in the hair... Honestly I don't see the issue, she's 12 and they look nice. As long as she's not getting in trouble at school over it I don't see the issue?

I hitched my skirt up and WAS a right trollop. If its any help, I'm now a fine pillar of the community. I'm even on the PTA, for Gods sake
And if you can't float around with flowers in your hair when you're 12, when can you?!

Not another one.

They are new skirts! Nice pencil skirts that fall just above the knee where they are supposed to for school. She said she liked them and maybe she did at first.

how many more ?

Are you referring to me Chipping?

Am I missing something, not following...

She is doing it to conform and be part of the group. Quite probably someone teases her if she doesn't.

DD1 has got lots of snide comments over the years for not wearing make up, tying her tie neatly (even doing her top button up at first), her trousers being too short or too high waisted.
DD will never fit in, so except for slightly hip tie tying, she smiles sweetly and carries on.

Please don't be cross with your DD until you are sure she isn't being bullied by someone or would simply feel very visible if she didn't do these things.

Thanks Startail, I know she is doing it to conform and to feel like she fits in, and I expect she feels stuck between a rock and a hard place. Plus boys are on the horizon now and I know she is deliberately wearing her skirts hitched up to impress the boys. She's too young at only 12, but she's also very mature.

I'm not cross with her but I'm disappointed as she went to such lengths to deny it.

I can tell by other comments here I am draconian . Why can't schools stick rigidly to school uniform then it just wouldn't happen. I actually kicked up a fuss at primary school and got Ugg boots banned. Kept my head down after that one I can tell you

Yes, I think it's really hard for parents and DCs to strike the right balance.
We know they want to fit in, but we also want them to give the right impression to their teachers.
My grammar school educated, conformist DH finds it hard to understand that degree to which DD and my comprehensives' will let you bend the rules.
As you say, it doesn't help that the uniform policy says on thing, but the reality is quite different.

I think striking that balance will be much harder for my sociable DD2.
She is very likely to be devious, I fear.

It would be so much nicer if they talked to us and we found compromises without the deceit, but they so want to be independent. I think that they are also still emotionally very young. They think we will simply be cross with them not that we've been there our selves. The idea that lies make us more angry seems a very difficult cicely to grasp.

Given DD2 starts secondary next year I fear we both need a strong dose of patience and teen mum mutual support. Good luck!

I haven't the foggiest clue how auto correct, mangled difficult idea like that

Thanks for your support startail.

Tonight I have bought her a pair of trousers that 'show of her figure' as she puts it (she hasn't bloody got one yet) They're fitted, straight legged hipsters, all the girls are wearing them she tells me - and they were advertised as school uniform. The lovely quality M&S ones I got for her to start SS in September are now stuffed to the back of the wardrobe - as they make her look like a boy apparently.

That seems to me a better half way house than, very very short skirts.
Our HT has just threatened to ban skirts if they carry on being so silly.
Personally I think they should just get rid of sixth form uniform. They are allowed black skirts and this gives them free range to buy invisible stretch things. If they didn't have uniform they'd just wear jeans.

We have exactly the same issue. Dd (12) hitches he's her skirt up above " regulation". She says it's too tight otherwise for fast walking .... Hmm

Anyway I've decided it comes under " small stuff" not to be fretted over. She always wears wooly tights at the moment so however far she rolled it it wouldn't be indecent, and if school want haul her over the coals for it they can.

Like her big sis though I think she is a hard working delight to teach so stays under the radar for minor issues like this. As long as you aren't in the head of tears office for poor work she isn't likely to be too bothered about your skirt.

( in the same way that if you drive well and not faster than the limit, the police are unlikely to pull you over for a dodgy side light or what ever - behave like a Pratt on the road and the side light will be dealt with and they'll check the tread on your tyres as well!)