Curfews

[rumngingerbeer]

I'm interested to know what curfews you have on your teen dc's.
My dd is 18 but still at school for the next few months so we have the following -
weeknights 10pm
weekends 12pm
special events like parties etc 2am.
For the past 2 weeks (since she turned 18) she has been very cross and saying she should be able to come and go as she pleases. But for me, as her status hasn't changed (schoolgirl) I think it should remain unchanged until she leaves school.
What do you think?

Your curfews sound reasonable to me- especially while she is still at school and needs to be up on time etc However, even after she has left school I think you are within your rights to have time limit for being in- maybe 11pm weeknights and more flexibility at weekends. Your reason for this could be ( well it would be in my house) that it is hard to go to sleep when she is not in. I always get woken up when someone comes in late- can't lock up the house until last person is in- and can't get back to sleep. If you have to work the next day her being out to all hours is not fair on you. And besides I worry until I know she is in the house!

Sounds reasonable to me too. Indeed, she's out a lot later than many I know. I guess there's more leverage if she's tired or lethargic, or not able to get up in the mornings, or her school work is suffering, than if she's on top of it all and bounds out of bed at 6.30 every morning with a cheery grin

I agree with school and back.

Tell her if she wants adult priviledges to come and go as she pleases then she can also enjoy adult priviledges such as contributing financially to the house

I think you have given perfectly reasonable times to be in.

I have a 15 and 11 year old, thankfully both are homebodies still

When my DDs were 18 they didn't have a curfew but they were expected to let us know if they were going to be late coming in and where they were.

rumngingerbeer, your curfews sound perfectly reasonable to me. I suspect that your DD is kicking off because she feels that having turned 18 she should in some way have magically developed a few more 'rights' other than the ability to get married without needing your permission, and the 'right' to buy a drink in a bar! After all, it's a bit of an anticlimax really isn't it?... The next few months are tough with exams looming - what happens after that? Is she going to Uni, or looking for work?? In some ways she is living in limbo waiting for the rest of her life to start. Communication is the key here I think .. see if you can engage in meaningful conversations about how she is feeling and maybe she will accept your rules when she sees the love and care that lies behind them. Good luck.

In same situation - 18 year old son who is still at school.

Now that he is older I don't say 'you must be back by 10pm' and then rant and ground him if he is 5 minutes late (like my mother did to me!!) but generally say not later than 10pm or whatever time and if there's a delay he is to contact me.

He doesn't go out much during week but it would 10.30pm at very latest - at weekends we go with midnight, sometimes 1pm if nearby at a friend's house and something is on. Occasionally if he is further away (we live in country and last bus isn't that late) he will stay the night and make his own way home in morning.

As a side issue coming in late isn't a problem for us - him getting a wee job instead of looking for everything to be paid for plus keeping his bedroom like a fallen over jumble sale are my issues!

I think it is a good idea to relax your hold gradually: at this age, I would not treat it as a curfew imposed by mum (them's the rules!) but as a time at which we expect you to be back, and if you are not then you need to let us know so we don't worry. So gradually moving from being looked after like a child to the kind of courtesy you can expect between adults. I assume she has her own key, so that locking up questions do not apply.

Well said Cory that's what we did.

I think what you are doing is reasonable. She is an adult but not an independnt adult. My DD tried this so we stopped the £s and the transport and without that she could have very little social life.

My son is nearly 18 and often at weekends there are parties where everyone stays over at a friends' house. We live in the country and there is no public transport after 6pm.

I don't have a problem with this, but I insist he keeps in touch, just so that I know he is OK.

Doesn't mean I don't worry, but he has to grow up sometime.