arrgggghhhh! stupid boy!

[ThatVikRinA22]

DS is 20 but has aspergers and is emotionally more like a 14 year old. He is severely asthmatic, and today DD told me that one of her friends has seen him smoking.

a few times when ive ventured into his room ive smelt smoke, and i have even asked him if he is smoking and he said no.

When DD told me this today i had a quick look in his room and found an open packet of 20 cigarettes, with 12 left in.

Ive quizzed him today and he promises he will stop. I am so disappointed. Neither i nor his dad smoke and his sister was horrified, she thinks is disgusting. I used to smoke a couple of cigarettes a day and he nagged and nagged me to stop, so i did. Ive not smoked for more than 10 years now.

How can i get him to realise how stupid this is, especially with his asthma? He has started smoking because his layabout no hoper / no prospects friend smokes like a chimney, as do his parents....when he comes home from there he stinks.

i am so upset and disappointed.

Well it's legal. Not much you can do about it at all

I know it's not nice tho, dd did it for a while but didn't like it much, or the wasting of her money

i know its legal but he is severely asthmatic and has been in hospital several times with asthma, i cant get over how stupid it is in these circumstances. for a seemingly intelligent person im gobsmacked.

Botheration Vic, has he had an asthma attack recently?
It's part of that herd stupidity that teenage boys seem to do so very well.
Keep sniffing!

Well, we both know that AS, high intelligence and general loveability have no link whatsoever with common sense.
He's being lulled by the fact that he hasn't had an attack despite being at his mate's house with all the passive smoking.
Posting in teens might not have been the best place mind, I agree that my DS also has a maturity level of about 13/14. Which is why he'd expect me to check his room and have a rant at him for idiocy.

I really feel for you VicarInaTutu We have a soon to be 16yr DS who has ADHD and Autism. He has asthma (although never been hospitalised like your DS) and insists on smoking both legal and illegal substances, despite our very best efforts to get him to stop.

With our DS I think it has something to do with control. His life is freewheeling (have posted lots about this on other threads) and this is one thing that only he has control over. The more I make a big deal about it, stop money etc the more he seems to do it. The more I pretend it is his life, I don't like it at all but it's his choice albeit an incredibly crap choice, the less he seems to do it.

Do you find he has terrible judgement? our DS is useless in the judegment department and think it may be related to the autism. My late father had aspergers and he also had quite poor judgement and seemed quite reckless at times depsite meaning well and having good intentions.

I'm sure your DS knows right from wrong deep down. Don't forget he will not be able to deal with or understand the emotional impact this is having on you. Perhaps quoting statistics and facts and figures about it would get through to him more about the dangers?

true dust....probably not the best place to post.

and ive done the rant.
had been a while since his last attack, but how on earth can he forget how ill he gets? ggrrrrrr!

thanks sponkle - yes his judgement is as you might expect for someone so naive.

im just so upset right now. When i asked him what he thought i wanted to speak to him about he said his credit card.....that doesnt bode well either does it?

Well, he may just be going on the area he got into trouble for last time Vic, financial.
Do you check his statements?

Yes, Dad was also rubbish with money. DS just doesn't have any as he spends what very little we give him on the wrong things.

Our DS says he just wants to be normal. His words not ours. He is absolutely desperate to fit in and be accepted by his peers, however unsuitable they may be. Smoking is one way he thinks he can achieve this.

It is so hard. We really struggle with our DS. I find it so hard to let go of him when his choices are so questionnable and he is so vulnerable and all I want to do is to protect him, but as my DH keeps reminding me, our job is to be there to pick up the pieces when he needs us to, and to make sure that he knows he is loved no matter what.

not had a statement for a while dust but he paid his balance off - he was meant to be out of debt by april. I stay out of his finances because i get sooooo cross so dad sorts that one....he is now saying that he lost his bank card so had to use his credit card (there could be an element of truth to this as i got a call from my colleagues at our local nick today to say his bank card had been handed in....lucky boy.) he is saying he has £30 on his CC....i wish i could just believe him but i cant....
i will get DH to check.

Thanks sponkle....bizarrely it does help when you know you arent alone...

im just

Sorry for my pants comments last night VIT, just wanted to let you know you are not alone...didn't mean to wibble on about my problems. Hope you get things sorted soon.