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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

end of the line ????

17 replies

nixterjoe · 08/02/2012 15:06

my son has just turned 15, he is doing his GCSE's, he is doing the minimal amount of work although I know he is bright enough to do better and so do his teachers, he seems to be just coasting. I don't know how many times me and his dad (we are together) have told him how hard it is going to be be to get a job and also with his predicted grades how difficult it will be to get in to further education, he does not seem to grasp it. He knows what he wants to do when he leaves school, but seems unable to work towards the grades needed for this.

We are continuously getting calls from the school (once a week)about his behaviour and lack of enthusiasum and he always agrees to do better.

We have been in contact with the school and always offer our support, but it just seems the teachers have got on the band wagon to call us over silly things, which then puts him under even more pressure from us and the school. This week he got the blame for something he wasn't even envolved in, now normally I would come down hard on him, but I actually believe he was the innocent party in this case, but try telling the teachers that (we have have explained the 'the boy that cried wolf', but he was generally upset he had been targeted. The teachers agree that he is a lovely boy, but is easily distracted. They even attmitted he is sitting with the wrong group of kids (so why is he not moved)????

We don't want to give up on him, but where do we go from here, we are supportive of him and have put our necks on the line for him to have different opportunities, but he is constantly letting us down. What do we have to do? or should we let him figure it out for himself at the cost of his education.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 08/02/2012 15:10

It's not long now to gcse's is it? Does he finish this summer?

Original poster
nixterjoe · 08/02/2012 15:13

he started last year with modular Maths which he got and E for and modular English B grade, he has more modules coming up in June and he is taking a few Higher B-Techs, he has about 18 months left at school

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purplecupcake · 08/02/2012 15:51

You can just keep telling him how important his grades are going to be, maybe ask the school to move him, but then thats not really going to solve the problem as hes going to be with these kids still in break and dinner

if its any help to you, My DD went into year 10 with predicted grades of D's E's and F's, .. She realised on her own that if she wanted a job she needed better .. She is leaving in a few months and all her predicted grades are B and C's and Distinctions on the B-Tech subjects. She was also sat with the wrong people and still is.. School now says shes had an influence on some of her other group who are now trying to do better :)

Original poster
nixterjoe · 08/02/2012 17:20

that's great news .... don't you wish you could read the minds of teens .... in your case what did actually click in her mind to make her take control Grin

OP posts:
purplecupcake · 08/02/2012 17:46

i asked her where she wanted to live when she got older and what she wanted out of life .. a fast car, a good job and posh house, in other words i dont wanna end up like you mum :o

Original poster
nixterjoe · 08/02/2012 17:55

sounds like you've done a great job !!!

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KatieScarlett2833 · 08/02/2012 18:00

At 14 all my DD wanted to do was leave school and move out. Our mega problems with her are well documented on here so I won't go over it all again.

She's now 16, loving school, passed all her S Grades extremely well and is in the middle of her H prelims, fully confident (rightly) of doing well.

She is a completely different person, different attitude, happy and focused.

When you ask her what changed she says "I grew up"

Original poster
nixterjoe · 08/02/2012 18:41

wow .... it's not all bad it's great to hear some positive outcomes - that is what is so frustrating because he has some moments of pure brilliance and the school agrees then more moments of pure stupidness Angry

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Fairyliz · 08/02/2012 21:01

Nixter I have no answers, only sympathy. I have a 15 year old girl who must be the twin of yours. I believe they must have been separated at birth, please come and collect her immediately.

loopy9 · 08/02/2012 21:15

I wish I had you as parents, my dc's are v. young so I've no experience other than being a teenager myself! So I wonder if you could bribe him?!! ££ for grades next term? Or GCSE results? Could another adult talk to him other than his parents or teachers? Could you get the papers at the weekend and show the jobs section and what employers are looking for?

I turned it round, 10 GCSE's only 2 C or above :-( but two years later I did grow up when i realised i was going to be stuck in my job with no prospects so I went back to college and then Uni and came out with a 2:1 and now I have a great job that's a million miles from where I was at 16... I bet my 2 dc's will challenge me like I did my parents, so I hope you get some really helpful advice x x

Original poster
nixterjoe · 08/02/2012 21:55

thanks fairyliz perhaps we could swap ... they both might realise they haven't got it that bad their end Grin

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Original poster
nixterjoe · 08/02/2012 21:59

thanks loopy9 we have tried the ££££ but he has got himself qualified and a job as a football referee at weekends so doesn't need our money .... not that it worked anyway Sad see moments of brilliance !!!! Smile

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sincitylover · 08/02/2012 22:04

my son also similar - very bright but not achieving potential predicted grades adn similar regular calls from the school.

I jsut hope he turns it around in time for results in mid 2013. It wouldn't be for want of support and reality check from me and his teachers!

notahotel · 09/02/2012 20:52

My ds is also exactly the same - we're having all the same experiences including regular phonecalls from school - everyone is tearing their hair out (except him, of course)! I haven't got any answers but it's comforting to know it's not just my boy. I think it's much harder to cope with all this if you were a good girl at school, as I was!

Original poster
nixterjoe · 10/02/2012 12:12

You are certainly not alone.....being on mums net has made me realise it is much more comman than I thought, I have also given up on listening to my friends that are sooooo proud of their kids they are doing so well all A*'s etc grrrrrrr !!!!......don't you just hate that

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scaryteacher · 10/02/2012 13:41

You will find that entering Year 11 might focus his attention. My ds has 12 weeks to go til his IGCSE exams start....he is knuckling down, and realising that he needs to achieve now to keep hopes of a good Uni alive as the reps from LSE and KCL have just done a presentation at his school, and they said they do look at GCSE grades.

notahotel · 12/02/2012 22:40

Nixterjoe, I know exactly what you mean - I've got lots of friends with high-achieving, top of the year group, A* teenage boys and my family is also full of similarly perfect children - you can't help wondering where you went wrong! I guess it's just a question of keeping it all in perspective. I've made my ds work out a revision schedule for half term - he's got to do some every morning and can only go out/watch TV/go on Wii/laptop when it's done. Of course, I'll have to get him out of bed first....

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