13yo Stepson's bullies targetting our home - how do we deal with it?

[2sCompany]

Hope someone has some words of advice, we are really in a quandry.

My 13yo stepson is being bullied by a lad in his year at school (Y9). SS could start a fight in an empty room and I don't doubt that he had a hand in starting this feud which has been going on for some time. However, the bully has recently stepped it up a notch and has started coming round to our house throwing things like plastic bottles, snowballs, ringing the doorbell and running away.

We live in a relatively small village and the bully boy is part of a small gang who are a bad element in an otherwise lovely, safe place to live. DH caught up with them the other night when a snowball was thrown at the house and they were all shouting and swearing at him in the street. We have 3 other DCs 9, 2.5 and 3months, so I really don't want them to be affected by all this.

Bully boy cites his main reason for victimising SS is some "rumour" he heard about SS doing something sexual to his 2yo little sister. Which is disgusting and totally unfounded. He has punched SS and always chases him off the school bus and round the village whenever he sees him, so that SS hardly ever goes out of the house now.

DH and I don't know whether to confront the bully's mum about it or not. It is affecting the whole family now but equally, I don't want to get our whole family on the wrong side of the 'bully gang' and their families and all our children have to suffer the consequenses for the rest of their lives as it risks turning into a long term grudge.

Is it a police matter or are we overreacting? Should we get the school involved?

Really don't know what to do. Any help or advice gratefully appreciated.

Never been in your situation so unfortunately no first hand advice to give but I can say that it I was in your position I would not hesitate to call the police and I would be calling the school as well. Do you have any idea of how the bullys parents would react as I would be tempted to go and have a word first with them and if that doesn't resolve problems, then definitely the police and school.

Have a quiet word with the school and I'd also say your local PCSO about how to proceed. While the school will obviously have control over what happens there, the after school stuff is a different matter. I'd nip it in the bud now before it escalates any further.

:( so sorry you are all going through this . I have been in your situation last year . My nightmare ended in November last year. Luckily for us the bully kids parents were only renting the house next door to us and we were able to report them to their LL as we know him . He didn't re-new their contract.

Definitely you should get the police involved . The kids are over the age of being held accountable for their actions.

Hope things settle down soon x

You can tell me to take a hike if you wish, and perhaps the way you wrote your post is giving me the wrong impression but....

did you only start taking this seriously when the bully started coming to your house and threatening you and your younger dc ?

what about before that, when your stepson was being punched and in fear of going out of his own home ?

you seem to think your stepson is "just as bad"

well, I think what he is, and has been for some time, enduring is absolutely awful, and I wonder why you haven't stepped in to protect by going to the school already

that poor lad

Does the bullying occur at school too? If so you could try and control it at that end first..

Can you do some digging about the parents too? Find out if they're reasonable, they may not know anything about it in which case you could have a quiet word, i think going to the police without trying other things first will put everyones back up.

to protect him

I was just thinking the same thing AnyFucker.

OP, what would you do if it was one of 'your' children that this was happening to? Whatever it is then that's what you should be doing.

Thanks for all your speedy replies.

ilovebabytv my initial reaction was to talk to the boy's mum. She was year below me at school, so I know of her, don't know her well though, only that it was a bit of a village scandal when she had her son at 15! I just get the impression she's not that bothered about what her son gets up to as he's allowed to roam around at all times of night. Or maybe doesn't feel like she has much control over him anyway.

The school are aware there is some conflict in SS's peer group. It's probably relevant that SS only started there in Y8 as DH and he came to live with me then, so he has always been a bit of an outsider and perhaps made himself a target. I don't know, I suppose it's an easy excuse for bullies.

ElmoFan Was the bully affecting the rest of your family too and did you end up getting the police involved?

weblette Thanks, I will contact our local PCSO and see what the advice is. Even if they say it's not a police matter, at least they may be able to offer some advice as to how to proceed.

Trouble is, I don't want to mark our whole family as trouble makers in the village by getting police involved; but equally I don't want the family to suffer by not doing anything to address the situation

Sorry, slow at typing as BF.

Anyfucker I can see what you mean, I didn't mean to sound like that. SS got punched in the summer because of that supposed rumour, and then it all died down for a long time after that, SS was getting on fine. It has started up again recently when SS punched another boy in PE at school, so the bully boy re-started up his campaing against SS in this other boy's defence.

SS says nothing is said or done at school, it's only around the village after school.

Alldirections I do consider that it is one of my children it's happening to and I genuinely don't know what to do for the best as it affects the whole family.

I would report it to the police.

If this was someone doing this to you. Chasing you. Threatening you. Targetting you so that you were afraid to leave the house - what would you do?

You would call the police.

So do the same.

However, is your stepson also a bully? why did he punch someone in pe?

re-reading my own posts and oh dear, I'm not explaining myself very well at all... sorry everyone

Report him to the police

We had this once, the lad who came to our home was 18 and a brother of another boy in DSs year. I contacted the school the next morning as I did not want DS having any conflict the next day. The school did deal with the issue very well, we had no more visits. I

JustHecate apparently it was a playfight that got a bit out of hand. SS got kicked in the nuts as well. The school didn't seem all that worried about it. Him and the lad in question are constantly falling in and out of friendship but I think the bully boy just used it as an excuse to re-start his bullying of SS

OP, I would be very concerned that your stepson has been too frightened to leave the house...that is a very major thing for a teenager

his hitting other boys may also be a case of "defence being the best form of attack" IYSWIM

you seem to be laying a fair amount of blame at his feet, which is a bit difficult to understand if you have actually not spoken to anyone else apart from your stepson about this

I'd phone the police.

I have sent you a PM Op :)