So my just 14 year old told me a few weeks ago that she and her boyfriend had discussed sex and contraception and they wanted to take their relationship to that next level. I was shocked, sad, all those feelings, but I put on my brave face to try and be the mum I always hoped I could be in this situation. I asked her if she thought it might be a good idea to go to the family planning clinic. She agreed to this and her bf agreed he would come too as contraception is a mutual responsibility. We all three of us went into the nurse’s office. Then she sent me and her bf outside while they had a chat. What could have been a very awkward 20 minutes ended up reassuring me that he is a really nice boy who thinks the world of our daughter and so while I’m not encouraging the sexual relationship, I’m accepting of it and of the fact that it’s a mutual decision, they’ve been totally honest, mature and have spent a lot of time talking about it. They even waited until the 7 days of the pill kicked in for effectiveness and have been using condoms too. My dh and I have been discussing this decently, aware that it might be on the cards and while I think I’ve been more pragmatic about it, he’s blown hot and cold. One minute he’s ‘coming to terms’ with the idea and just wants to make sure that it’s something she wants as much as him, the next he’s silent, disappointed in her, feeling she’s totally screwing up her life, worried about rumours at school, worried about nude pics and revenge porn. And yes I get this - of course it’s a worry but it’s going to be a worry whether she’s 14,15,16,17,18 or 30! So now the deed has finally been done - she has zero regrets - and so there’s no going back now really. Dh is just not coping -
don’t think he’s said two words to her and can’t look her in the eye. I’ve told him that if she was sneaking around and doing all of this without our knowledge he wouldn’t be treating her any differently - so it’s wrong in my opinion to punish her for being open, mature and honest and not having secrets from us. Poor kid is damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. Now she knows we are not encouraging underage sex but as it is now happening, I’d rather we were open and encouraging it to be in a safe, space where contraception is always available rather than in the park or somewhere public they could get caught and in trouble. I’m also glad that none of this is under the influence of alcohol or drugs - it’s an entirely thought out decision. Yes she may one day regret doing it so young, but if the first time is a positive experience I’d much prefer that for her. Any advice on how to cope with husbands who aren’t coping?