So how much 'rudeness' is normal and to tolerated...? And when/how do you say enough is enough?!

[misspollysdolly]

That's it really...

DD is pre-teen really at 12 (God help us all) and has started to be pretty rude at times - just a whole load of attitude mostly but when challenged about her rudeness or attitude retorts (rudely, of course) 'well I didn't know I was being rude' or if asked why she's said or done something usually she can think if no better answer than 'I don't know' in a shruggy shouldered manner. If she does have more of an answer it usually involves heaping the blame on me or DH for whatever pre-teen drama has befallen her. Today she complained to DH that she was cold. He pointed out - fairly matter of factly and not too confrontationally - that she probably should've brought a coat (as suggested by me). She then gave him a mouthful about how she'd hoped for some sympathy and not an answer like that and how horrid he was, yada yada, blah.

So how much is normal? Is any rudeness tolerated or does all undesirable behaviour have consequences? How do you respond when the naughty step is a distant dream?! I hope for children who are polite and can conduct themselves pretty well through life. Should I ever overlook teen rudeness or is it my job to be pointing it out and doling out the consequences...come what may?! MPD

No rudeness is tolerated in our house either. Any rude remarks from the DCs (14, 16 and 18) had better be so far under their breath that I can't hear them.

That said, DH and I try not to deal with them in a rude manner either. We don't insult them, we don't swear at them, and generally, we try not to shout at them. It doesn't mean we let them do what they want though.

My 13 yr old is going through a belligerent phase. He is never ever wrong.

This I can accept, with gritted teeth. But we do not tolerate any rudeness or discourtesy either to us or between the kids. 'shut up' is forbidden, for any of us.

I am surprised by some of my friends who'll just roll their eyes at their kids telling them to shut up. I think it's very rude and disrespectful.