I want to interfere because my son is unhappy :(

[SoggySocks]

My 13 year old son is having a hard time at school. He never used to care what people thought of him but he's obviously into girls now and is trying so hard. He has "jutty out teeth" which he has a brace for, they have got a million times better in the past year but next step is "train track brace". He's asked if he can have his hair cut for the first time - ever. I know he's unhappy, I heard he asked a girl out yesterday (and he was confident she would say yes, he went to school all excited and bouncy) and she said no. To top that off he got into a fight with 3 other boys (bastards they are, calling him a "fag" etc) so had a really bad day yesterday. He stays in his bedroom all night, doesn't talk to me. Snaps at me, gets very irritated easily, has stopped auditioning for the talent things at school he used to love doing, has dropped out of drama club which he used to love - he's just so quiet and reclusive now. I feel so sorry for him but know teenagers go through this stuff. How do you "Not" interfere? I hinted yesterday that I knew about the girl so he could talk to me if he wished. He put on a front, laughed it off and shut himself in his room.

AW I have a ds who is also 13 with the train tracks!

Is it options time for him too? Choosing subjects in line with a career path are stressing us out a bit. Big steps!

Yes year 8 options are coming up, I don't know if I stressed him out further when I said he couldn't choose drama as it was a "micky mouse" subject. Feel a bit bad saying that now but he's a clever kid and could do well in "better" subjects - however I guess that's not my decision to make. I'll talk to him again about that and let him know the final decision is his.

I was at parents evening last night and teacher advised us to take drama as it has increased ds confidence levels a lot. It's also his best graded subject, which really surprised me.

Re. the drama: depending on how many other subjects your DS will be taking, it's no bad thing to have a 'soft' subject as an outlet during the school week, a time to feel a bit less formal maybe and be able to express yourself safely. As long as the rest of his choices are in 'academic' subjects it really shouldn't exclude him from any future opportunities.

DS took PE (although this actually took up a lot of time as it turned out), and DD is now making her choices and considering art - although struggling to decide between that and a second language.

I know this isn't a thread about GCSE choices, but I do think offhand remarks can sometimes go quite deep (we've all done it), so it might be worth having a further chat about it to see how he really feels about it.

Sounds like he needs lots of tlc, although how you provide that when he's locked in his room could be tricky!

has he chosen his options yet ? I think he needs to take drama its not a mickymouse qualification he probably feels a bit silly for wanting to take it , as you dismissed it as silly

, I know you didnt mean to hurt his feelings
, BUt i do think with picking options I have had 2 dds do it , they need to pick something they like and interested in as well as the others ,

13 is an awful age for both sexes , they are all over the place they are changing the feel a bit goofy with acne or braces , the opposite sex are suddenly interesting but scary ,

I would hate to be 13 again , let him brood a little bit , encourage him to do drama , make out you were in the wrong and maybe suggest he picks it and he will be able to take part in school things again

, I have a dd who takes music she is an ok singer a bit meh on the keyboard and plays the bluddy recorder (its not an instrument ) but she takes part in the school show and concerts and loves it

Both of you need a hug!

I favour "proper" subjects, but oldest swapped one such subject for Art and did really well. Agree with others that it's good to have a subject that's taught in a completely different way, where you can be creative and have fun (gasp!)

Make up with him, let him take drama. Give him an awkward hug with his arms straight down by his sides, head pulled waaay back so you can't kiss him :o

Oh poor fellow.

I remember this clearly with DS1 when he was 13. He was taller than all the other boys but painfully shy. Had a crush on a girl for ages but didn't seem to know how to talk to girls. I picked him up from a party once and he sobbed all the way home because he hadn't dared move from the sidelines all night.
I made a big thing about him talking to me and when it all poured out he said he felt so much better. I suggested he practise talking to the girls he sat next to at school and that certainly helped. He also asked me for a haircut and I took him to a hairdressers and they did a proper style which boosted his confidence no end.
He did eventually pluck up courage and asked this girl out.
She said no. Cue more tears. They did eventually get together and went out for 18 months.

He's 16 now and much more self confident. Getting him to talk to me was the key.
On the subject of options, ours are in Y9 but I gave in to one "soft" subject (PE GCSE) and DS now says he wishes I had over ruled him and made him do a second humanity.
You can't win.

secret you cant win you are soo right

I think you need to apologise to him for the micky mouse crack. If it was something he loved, that was very unkind. It's good to have something to do that he really loves - most of the enjoyment is wrung out of the 'better' subjects whilst they are doing GCSEs

The rest of it? Nothing you can do but offer a shoulder to cry on if needed. Thanks christ my son isn't bothered by girls as yet.