First time posting on mumsnet so forgive me if this rambles or is unclear - it is a tricky one and I'd like to hear from anyone with a similar set of experiences or who feels that can advise on this.
We have 3 kids - 17 (DS), 15 (DD1) and 13 (DD2) and currently have 2 houses because one has failed to sell. The one we live in is in a rural town , the other is in a city. We relocated with my work to the rural location 6 years ago where the kids have been in school since. DS is currently doing AS and DD1 GCSEs - which she will have completed by summer. Since coming here it has felt like things have conspired against us to prevent it being the ideal move we had planned in our heads - DH's health has deteriorated a lot and he has struggled to work, we got flooded and had insurance claim refused, other house did not sell, DD1 went off the rails - the usual teenage stuff - and DD2 has had recent difficulties in school and is desperate to change schools - which, incidentally, has gone from a good school to an inadequte school (according to OFSTED) since the DCs have been there - although the 6th form is still good.
The current situation is that we remortagaged to buy the place we live in now and as a result have debts and are living in a house that has been far from comfortable since the flood while still having another bigger, vacant house which is , in comparison, luxurious. As fate would have it, a dream job for me has come up in the city where the other house is and I am pretty confident I can get it - with much improved pay too. DD2 and DH are pretty keen to move, DS not so keen but will give it a go as he can appreciate the bigger picture of practicalities and family finances. However DD1 is absolutely refusing to consider it - saying she knows she will hate it etc etc. I have applied for the job and seem to be the only shortlisted candidate.
I feel terrible about making her move - and know that at 16 she can decide for herself anyway. If we made her come I can imagine that life would be far from peaceful for months and there may be a return of unruly teenage behaviour. I moved a lot between schools when I was a kid and so know perfectly well how disruptive this can be. Because of this I am considering, as she will be 16 when we go, letting her and DS -who will be 18 then - stay here to continue their studies (A2 and AS) where they are happy. My DH would/ could spend half time in both places as he needs to decorate the current house anyway and me and DD2 can come weekends.
I know legally this would be OK - we would not be breaking any laws - but I also know its unconventional and very possibly unwise. Both DS and DD1 are pretty independent- do a lot of own cooking and wash own clothes etc already so could deal with the practical aspects at least - but, will they behave and focus on work when DH is not around??
Am I being ridiculous even considering this? Has anyone done anything similar or been in a similar situation?