Not much advice I'm afraid ,but lots of sympathy and recognition .
Sounds similar to DS ,though at least you've got some input from school and not having to rely soley on DS .
My DS is now at a college doing a Foundation Degree - we have had a few tears because he recognises he's let himself down .
On the whole I think my DS just doesn't like/not motivated to do academic work .
It's not that he's not capable ,but he can't/wont make himself do it .
I've no idea how he will get on in life - I suspect he'd be fine in a job ( not the sort to mind getting up early and plodding along ,it's the self organisation ,studying he can't do ) ,though jobs are hard to come by .
I was beside myself last year and I don't think our relationship will ever be the same - it was the lies and shock at the truth that got to me .
But I think that they are not mature enough to sit down and be honest ,especially when they don't know what they want to do in the future other than " go to uni " which seems the only course these days .
With my DS ( and maybe yours ) I was not at all relaxed ,always on his case ,and he knew how much I wanted him to try and do the work ( I wouldn't even have minded if he'd not done very well if he'd tried ) but this just drove him further away ,less work ,more deception ,less self confidence .
I feel I have to accept him the way he is ,he has lots of good qualities but at school ,late teens it becomes all about studying .But that's not all there is to him or all there is to life .It's very hard being young ,particularly as there are so few jobs and so much pressure to go to uni .
My advice would be to be kind to your DS ,give him a break ,try and come up with plan B . With my DS that has been more study at a lower level than normal honor degree - not really the best answer but it was the best we could do ,hoping that time will bring maturity .
And remember that nowadays it's possible to go back to studying at a later stage in life .
Deep breaths and try and hang on in there . x