how do I manage to refrain from giving advice to my 15yr old DD about her (17yr old) boyfriend?

[exaspomum]

How do you manage to 'sit out' the boyfriend /girlfriend thing without criticising, asking lots of questions or giving too much advice? DD's boyfriend of six weeks is pleasant enough and keen to see her often, but almost always to 'watch dvds'. They prefer to hang out (for hours and hours) at his home, but come here every third time roughly.

Why do you want to refrain from giving advice? I always gave lots of advice! Still do! Shes 18 and living and working abroad now, shes just messaged me to say Hey Mum guess who text me!

I can't resist giving unwanted advice (obviously I 've had chats about the usual nature of relationships that older teenagers have anyway).I trust her to be sensible. I would like to give the impression of being relaxed about her and him so that she feels she can tell me things without me going on and on about it or being obviously worried. Going to his house is great fun for her - his mum is vivacious and fun, his older sister is friendly. They even have four cats! His family is very welcoming and not embarrassing to her bf (apparently) unlike me, her overweight dad and her younger brother.

My daughter, at this age thought the sun shone out of her boyfriends familys arse, it hurt me, but they turned out to be a bit odd to say the least, and she learnt in her own time and for herself that her wise old Mum was seeing the situation from the outside and therefore from a different angle and was kinda right.
Our children learn alot by stepping out of the family comfort zone. They have to. Trust in yourself that you've given her a good solid base and that she'll do whats right. Let her make a few mistakes as this is crucial to her learning and growing. Just always be there for her to come back to, to if necessary lick her wounds.
What kind of advice is it that you think is unwanted? If its for her safety and wellbeing surely thats fine. If its controlling or manipulative and based on your needs then you need to recognise that.

Everyone's house/mum/food/life is always much more interesting than their own :)

Although I could never not give advice. Doubles my chances then of being able to say "told you so!" :)

As the parent of the boyfriend I would say PLEASE give advice to your 15 year old. I know DS and his (15 yr old) Gf are going to/have had/ sex and I have had The Talk with both of them. But I know her mum hasn't. I want to ring her mum and say please make sure your DD is on the pill/injection/something. DO NOT IGNORE THIS!

Also, girlfriend's parents, please do not let me be the bad guy wrt love's young dream not seeing each other so much during the week as they both have GCSEs/AS levels. You can say no, too, parent of girlfriend. Please.

So yes. If you were the gf's mum, on behalf of the boyfriend's mum I would be v happy for you to give much advice! (Not sure your DD will be too keen but hey, my roof, my rules. Kind of...)

That is all!

I'd be giving advice I'm afraid LOL

Also agree with merrylegs I'd seriously consider getting appropriate contraception sorted- and for me (god I sound I tyrant) knowing that, for my DD a pregnancy would be a disaster, that would be injection/implant.

She'd also get a box of condoms (even if she didn't want formal contraception) if she was spending that much time alone with him with a "yes I know you aren't going to have sex but I expect you will eventually, and anyway you are welcome to give them to your friends if they need them too".

Study needs to be done or I would be a tyrant and say no...

I'd also be issuing frequent welcoming invitations to our house for tea too!